The Adventures of Jaunty Jones
by hklbry
Summary: Ianto gets a life outside of Torchwood. His new friends know him about as well as the Team, i.e. not at all. Graphic Janto
1. How to Ruin a Suit

Summary: Ianto gets a life outside of Torchwood. His new friends know him about as well as the Team, i.e. not at all. Things get a little complicated when his two worlds collide and even more complicated when a Rift object gets involved.

A/N: This story takes place between "Combat" and "End of Days". It is very different from the usual dark fiction I write, but there are some angsty thoughts from Ianto. He can't help it. He's an angsty kind of guy! The story works fine without the smut so if you don't want to read those chapters you can safely skip them.

Chapter A/N: This was supposed to be a much different opening chapter, but then graphic man-on-man action insisted on being written instead of implied. I apologize for not getting the plot rolling, but I hate editing things out...especially porn.

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Chapter 1 – How to Ruin a Suit

Ianto didn't have a life outside of Torchwood. That's what the Torchwood team thought. As little as they knew about Jack, they knew even less about Ianto. It just never occurred to them. And Ianto liked it that way. When he came to Torchwood Three, he had needed to stay under the radar. He couldn't tell his colleagues his girlfriend was a partially converted Cyberman in the basement. Back then he didn't have time for a life outside Torchwood and Lisa.

After his secret was revealed, Ianto was too exhausted to get a life. Soon, all the time he spent hiding Lisa was spent keeping Jack happy. There was no time to think about 'Ianto time'. He realized he wouldn't know what to do with it if he had it.

He wasn't complaining. It wasn't his style. He was glad Jack had given him an ultimatum. He could stay, but he couldn't keep any more secrets, unless they were Jack's, and he had to swear the loyalty and devotion he had shown to Lisa to Torchwood Cardiff, which really meant Jack. Ianto would have agreed to anything. He loved Torchwood and had since he had joined Torchwood One. He loved the secrets. And Jack, it had to be said, was a man of secrets.

That was what he found attractive about Jack. Sure he was handsome and had that amazing smile, but it was his enigmatic qualities that kept him interested. It was easy to be loyal to Jack. Ianto had a case of hero worship. He knew he'd never be as flashy as Jack, but he could emulate him in smaller ways and he'd do what he could to please him. For example, he wore suits because Jack liked how he looked in a suit. He liked wearing suits so it wasn't exactly a hardship. He'd worn them at Torchwood One. People made assumptions when they saw a man in a well pressed suit. It was a costume that gave him a readymade image.

The only issue was convenience. A suit was fine for giving people an impression of sincerity, but it was a damnable nuisance when it came to cleaning up Weevil vomit. That had never been an issue at Torchwood London. They had people to do that sort of thing who wore suitable clothing for the task. Here, he was "the people". Owen mocked how he fastidiously tried to stay neat, but it was easy for Owen. Owen could get any amount of blood, sweat, alien gland excretion, or Chinese takeaway on his clothes and simply burn them. Most of his clothes should be burned regardless of stains anyway. Ianto had to go to dry cleaners. Even if he bought a suit off the rack, he had to have it altered, damn his long torso! It required effort.

He was contemplating a hole in his sleeve where Janet had torn a button off while he was feeding her when he felt fingers brush through his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed wearily.

When Ianto had been hiding Lisa, he'd walked a dangerous line with Jack. He'd accepted his flirting and subtly encouraged it partially to keep him from thinking of Ianto as anything more than a decorative piece of office furniture. In truth, he was flattered, confused, but flattered. With Lisa gone, he was missing part of his identity and that dangerous line was quickly erased. Subtlety went on a holiday. Sometimes, he had even found himself being an aggressor. In his attempts to feel anything, he used Jack. He knew Jack was using him so it seemed like a fair arrangement.

Except it wasn't. He loved Torchwood and Jack was Torchwood. His hero worship had turned to infatuation and that was now dangerously close to turning into an emotion he was not prepared to admit feeling for anyone so soon after Lisa and certainly not for a man. In the dark hours of a long night he could admit it was already too late. The only thing worse than having those late night thoughts lying alone in bed was fighting those feelings when Jack was close, too close, and showing him some sign of affection. Sometimes he thought Jack actually meant it, like he had stopped thinking of Ianto as a betrayer or a designer accent piece and had developed some measure of fondness for him. Ianto could get by when Jack wanted sex. It was those few moments of warmth that were driving him mad.

Moments like feeling fingers brush through his hair while he was distracted by a hole in his sleeve.

"Looking a little shaggy, soldier." Jack ran his fingernails along Ianto's scalp. He nuzzled against the back of Ianto's neck. Ianto gasped as Jack licked his tongue along his neckline.

He concentrated on standing as his knees felt weak. The electricity shooting along all his nerves wasn't helping. Blood was leaving his head and traveling to his groin. He hated how Jack could do this to him.

"That suit's looking rough, too," Jack said grabbing Ianto's hand. He pulled Ianto around as if examining the damage sleeve. He pulled his hand closer and latched his mouth onto Ianto's wrist. He backed Ianto against a clear cell door.

"Been meaning to stop at the hair dresser." Ianto hated the breathy quality of his voice. He hated being so weak.

"Nah, you should go to a barber and get a good razor cut. That'll fix you up. I don't think anything can save the suit." To punctuate his statement, Jack pulled Ianto's suit jacket off his shoulders and pinned his arms.

"The trousers are still nice," Ianto said refusing to outwardly acknowledge Jack's efforts.

"They were," Jack said with an evil grin. Ianto felt a tug and heard the rip as Jack sent the button skipping across the floor and Ianto's fly opening next to instead of via the zipper. The sound made him wince. The trousers were no longer nice.

"Oh come on! I could have still worn these!" Ianto flapped his lower arms in an attempt to shake his arms free from the bundled jacket.

Jack laughed and kissed Ianto. He slipped out of his suspenders, but immediately returned to manhandling Ianto. He raked his finger over his chest, down his abdomen and back up. On each pass he moved lower and wider.

"I'll make it up to you," Jack said pulling down Ianto's trousers and boxers. He ground his clothed pelvis against Ianto's growing erection. "You look so hot all disheveled and messy." He attacked Ianto's mouth. Ianto, whose mouth wasn't putting up a defense to the attack, feared Jack was going to leave his lips bruised.

"And here I thought you were attracted to my neat appearance. If you wanted a slob it's much easier to maintain." He was trying to keep from smiling without complete success as Jack sucked on his ear lobe.

"Oh I am, but this is a nice change of pace. Usually I have to put in a lot more work to have you look this wrecked." He stroked Ianto's erection roughly with one hand and undid his own trousers with the other. Ianto groaned when Jack let him go. Jack pulled his cock out and rubbed it against Ianto's. Jack closed his eyes and shivered.

Ianto took advantage of Jack's distracted state. Surprising Jack was one of his favorite past times. With his arms still wrapped in his jacket, he dropped to his knees. He made a mental note to ask the tailor about reinforcing the knees in his next suit. He hoped he wouldn't ask why. Jack stepped back in surprise and Ianto licked Jack's cock frantically. He needed to move fast before Jack could react. He sucked Jack deep into his mouth and held him tightly.

"Zawk! Fra zawk!" Ianto had no idea what language it was or the precise translation, but whenever Jack said that he knew it meant he'd done something good. Ianto relaxed his mouth a little and swallowed around Jack's dick. He began bobbing up and down minutely. He raked his teeth along Jack's foreskin then pushed it back with his lips. He flicked his tongue along the underside of the tip.

Jack pulled Ianto's hair. Ianto yelped causing his mouth to open wider. Jack shoved his entire length into Ianto's mouth making him gag. He pulled back, but shoved in again. Ianto wasn't as surprised as he pretended. This was hardly the first time Jack had pulled that particular maneuver. He was, however, a little more "enthusiastic" than usual. Ianto liked Jack out of control. He moaned and sucked harder.

"Ian...to!...Fuck!...so good...soooo...good..." Ianto was ready to feel Jack explode in his mouth. He was prepared to fight his gag reflex and swallow Jack's come. As he had pointed out to Jack, much to Jack's delight, real gentlemen never spit. But Jack had other plans.

He pulled out of Ianto's mouth and pushed him back and to the side. He barely missed hitting his head on the cell door. The air was knocked out of his lungs and his arm hurt. Jack pulled him around, dropped down, and straddled his chest. His knees painfully mating with Ianto's trapped elbows. He grabbed Ianto's tie, further restricting his breathing, and held it firm in his hand while he stroked his cock. Jack came with a scream. Still panting loudly, he made sure all his come was soaking into Ianto's tie.

He carefully climbed off Ianto's chest. Giggling, he kissed Ianto's lips tenderly.

"You can get rid of the suit, but save that tie." He kissed Ianto again. He reached down and stroked Ianto's hard on.

Ianto moaned. He was feeling light headed partially from arousal and partially from a lack of oxygen. He tried to reach for Jack, momentarily forgetting his arms were bound in his jacket. He flopped inelegantly making Jack laugh.

"There's something really sexy about having you at my mercy." He grinned at Ianto mischievously. "Do you have any idea how cute you are when you're all flushed?" Jack stopped stroking him. He untied his tie and undid the top button on Ianto's dress shirt. He put a hand on Ianto's cheek and another on his throat. He kissed him. In spite of his desperate state, Ianto lazily accepted Jack's tongue. Ianto moaned against Jack's mouth.

This, Ianto thought, is an example of my problem. I'm rock hard and I don't care if Jack touches my dick or not. I'd be happy to just lie here uncomfortably on this hard floor and kiss him. What's wrong with me?

Jack bit Ianto's bottom lip and his train of thought experienced a disruption of service no doubt to return to normal operation at 3 am when he was a solo passenger. Ianto let his eyes flutter shut as Jack lightly pulled the dry half of the tie against his erection.

"Do you like that," Jack asked his breath tickling Ianto's ear.

Ianto moaned. Jack wrapped the tie around Ianto's cock loosely, covered the tie with his hand, and began to pump him. Ianto moaned again.

"I love making you hard, making you moan." Jack licked the shell of Ianto's ear. "Making you come."

He kissed Ianto tenderly on the lips. He sat up slowly and repositioned himself by Ianto's hip. He pushed Ianto's shirt up exposing his navel. He bent his head down and licked a circle around it, spiraling around until his tongue dipped inside. Jack blew on the wet area and pumped Ianto faster.

"The problem with you," Jack said between kissing a trail down Ianto's underbelly, "is I'm spoilt for choice. Everything about you is so tempting!" Jack licked the base of Ianto erection along the narrow band of exposed skin before his tie began. "So tasty," he huffed. He bit Ianto through the tie then shook his head like a dog with a bone. Letting go, he laughed. He pumped Ianto with one hand over the tie and played with Ianto's balls with the other.

Jack flicked his tongue into Ianto's slit. Ianto struggled to sit up to look at him. As if he'd been expecting it, Jack locked eyes with Ianto and sucked Ianto's tip into his mouth. He palmed Ianto's testicles and reached behind them with his middle finger. He stroked Ianto's perineum the way that always made Ianto see stars. He moaned sending vibrations along Ianto's length.

Ianto cried out a stream of profanities which Jack only heard him use in situations like this followed by Jack's name. He came hard in Jack's mouth. A final spasm spurted a last streak of fluid onto Jack's cheek. The sight was too much for him and he collapsed back on the cold floor. When he opened his eyes, Jack unwrapped Ianto's tie and wiped the come off his cheek with it.

He helped Ianto's boneless body into a sitting position and unbundled his jacket freeing Ianto's arms. Jack gripped the back of Ianto's neck and pulled him close for another kiss. Several moments later they stood and tried to make themselves look presentable. Too many times Ianto had been sure they were the only ones there and they'd suddenly been intruded upon by Owen, Tosh, or Gwen. They were trying to keep it a secret, but in their lustful exuberance they didn't think they had done a very good job. On the other hand, nobody had mentioned it to either of them so they couldn't have made too big a mess of it.

It helped, Ianto assumed, that everyone discounted him as just the tea boy. He didn't know what Jack saw in him so he could well understand the others thinking it was impossible. Even if they realized he and Jack were having sex, they probably thought of it as one of Jack's indiscriminate dalliances. Ianto guessed that's what it probably was, after all, but sometimes it felt like so much more. Then again, sometimes it felt like so much less.

He was afraid Tosh would still be upstairs. She was working on some complicated equations. She tried to explain them to Ianto, but it quickly became one of those condescending moments where she gave up because he wasn't going to get it. Unlike the 95% of the times this happened, this time he knew she was right. He wasn't getting it.

Owen wouldn't be there. He was on half days still as he milked his Weevil attack and ennui to the hilt. Ianto had tried to talk to him about Diane and about his self-destructive spiral. He'd lost a girlfriend to Torchwood weirdness and he'd been down the path of self-destruction. He knew Owen had lost a fiancé to an alien parasite years earlier. It was clearly all getting to him. Ianto wasn't very good at conversation, but he could listen if Owen wanted to talk. They didn't always, well, ever, get along, but Owen was a man who he could relate to. He wouldn't mind being able to talk to someone about him and Jack and his guilt. He didn't think that was going to happen.

And Gwen had told him loudly several times that day how she was going home a little early to surprise Rhys. The way she kept telling him how wonderfully happy she and Rhys were, he thought she must be upset about something involving Rhys and she was overcompensating by spending as much time as possible at home.

He was ready to blame the state of his apparel on a Weevil feeding mishap, but luckily everyone really was gone and the Hub was quiet.

"Well, I'm going to see if I can get in to see the hair dresser. I'm sure she'll take one look at this emergency and fit me in!" He smiled broadly at Jack. Jack grabbed his hands and pulled him towards the couch Ianto hated.

"Or you can go to a barber in the morning. I might even be persuaded to give you time to go shopping for a new suit to go with this old tie." Jack, returning to his affectionate mood, pulled Ianto down onto to couch. He ran his fingers through Ianto's hair and kissed him.

Ianto wasn't fighting him, but he was always confused by these moments not only because of the feelings they conjured inside him, but because he didn't understand Jack. Was he thinking of another lover? Gwen? Was he feeling lonely and settling for the first available warm body? Ianto decided he didn't care. Jack wasn't the only one who was lonely.

He felt a little snip of anger that Jack, like everyone else, assumed he didn't have anything to do with his personal time, but he crushed the thought down. He didn't have anything else to do and what, really, could be better than being alone with Jack?

He snuggled into Jack's embrace and kissed his neck. He kissed up Jack's jawline and finally claimed his lips.

"God I love kissing you," Ianto sighed. He rested his forehead against Jack's. He immediately regretted saying it and wished he had an alien device that would let him zap small segments of conversation from memory.

"You don't have to call me God," Jack said laughing. He kissed Ianto's nose. "Can you stay and make out? I don't expect my parents home any time soon and I don't have any homework."

"I can stay for a little while," Ianto said amused by the scenario, "but if I'm out after curfew I'll be grounded."

They laughed and kissed and petted. At some point Ianto suggested they would be more comfortable in Jack's bedroom bunker. Jack agreed and they spent the rest of the evening in the claustrophobic room.

He fell asleep wrapped in Jack's arms thinking that, with the exception of his ruined suit, this was a perfect evening.


	2. Shave and a Haircut

Chapter 2 – Shave and a Haircut

Ianto carefully rolled out of bed around 5am. Carefully because it wasn't his bed and he didn't want to wake up his still sleeping bed partner. Jack might insist he didn't sleep, but Ianto knew he wasn't the one lightly snoring. He didn't usually stay so late in Jack's bedroom bunker. Usually they would have sex, maybe a post coitus cuddle, and Ianto would leave. Jack hadn't wanted him to leave.

Ianto didn't question it while he and Jack were kissing. He certainly didn't question it when Jack brought him off for a third time. Now he was thinking about it. This wasn't the first time Jack had shown him affection, but this was definitely a new record. Usually it was a lingering kiss on his cheek or a stolen caress. Usually it didn't lead to sex. Usually it was a moment then it was gone. This had been pre and post sex affection. It was puzzling.

"Come back to bed," Jack said squinting his eyes.

"I've got to go home and change," Ianto said sitting on the side on the bed. He tousled Jack's hair. "You look adorable when you first wake up."

"I don't sleep," Jack said yawning and grabbing Ianto's hand. He kissed his hand and held it to his chest. "I was resting my eyes."

"Your eyes need to talk to your soft palette then. You were snoring."

"I don't snore. I breathe vigorously while in deep meditation. You, on the hand, need sleep. Come back to bed. Just another 30 minutes."

"Stop trying to bargain with me, you demon hellspawn," Ianto joked. "If I climbed in next to your sinful body for 30 minutes I wouldn't get 30 minutes of sleep. I'd probably spend 30 minutes defending my virtue."

"I'd say 30 seconds of feigned resistance followed by 10 minutes of molestation, two minutes of you begging, 15 minutes of you screaming my name in ecstasy, and 150 seconds of you breathing heavy trying to recover." Jack looked at the clock. "That would leave you enough time to take a 30 minute post-orgasmic nap. It would be barely six!" He kissed Ianto's hand again. He licked a finger teasingly.

"You evil seducer," Ianto said snatching his hand back. He placed the hand on Jack's sheet covered thigh. "I don't want to run into the team as I do the walk of shame coming out of your manhole smelling of sex and looking like a vagrant."

"Walk of shame? You should think of it as a victory lap!" Jack's smile slipped. "Unless you are ashamed of our unholy union."

Was Jack fishing for something? If it was anybody else he would think so. He wished he knew what was going through his mind. First affection and now...insecurity? No, Ianto couldn't believe that.

"It's just an expression. I'm more embarrassed by my clothes. They really do look like I was raped by a Weevil."

"So I'll loan you some of my clothes."

Ianto laughed heartily until he saw the serious look on Jack's face.

"Don't you like my clothes? You always say you like my coat."

"I like your coat on you. I like your clothes on you. On me they would look like a farm boy who was just experiencing the joys of electricity for the first time."

"I think you'd look cute," Jack said with a crooked smile.

"You just hope I'd look enough like you in dim lighting you could pretend you were kissing yourself. Dream come true." He leaned over and placed a quick peck on Jack's lips. "Of course, if I looked like you I would probably do the same thing. Seriously, I need to go." Ianto stood up and Jack groaned.

"Okay, new plan. You go home, take a little nap, get gussied up, and go to a barber. When you come back, bring a change of clothes. No, bring two. Then you can stay all night and get up at a reasonable time."

The little ball of anger from the night before began to bubble up to the surface. Assumptions. That's what it was.

"Maybe I have plans tonight."

"Well, I didn't think of that. Do you have plans, Ianto? More importantly, do you have plans that are more important than spending time with me?"

"No, but it would be nice if you didn't assume I'm a friendless loser." Ianto stood arms akimbo well aware that he looked ridiculous with his broken fly, stained shirt, and rumpled, torn jacket.

"I know you aren't a friendless loser! You've got me. So," Jack said bounding out of bed, "the plan stands barring alien invasion." Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist and plastered his naked body against him. "Wear that burgundy shirt. I think that's my favorite." He kissed Ianto's cheek. "And get that haircut, hippie."

Ianto nodded, disentangled himself from Jack, and left. He had driven the Vespa the day before and regretted it on the drive home. He was just glad it was still too dark and too early for anybody to see him. He really wished Jack hadn't destroyed his trousers. He didn't know what the locals thought of him, but he was pretty sure looking like a hobo would change that.

He took Jack's advice, he refused to think of it as an order, and took a nap. He woke up at 8, took a shower, and put on his burgundy shirt. He wore a dark grey suit with a lighter grey pinstripe and a purple and grey tie. He grabbed a charcoal grey suit, blue shirt, and blue and grey tie and put them in a suit bag. He picked up his travel case, always at the ready, and went to the car park trying not to think about how many times he did this when he was taking care of Lisa.

It was still early when he arrived at Dylan's. He'd never been there, but he had overheard a distinguished looking man he knew only as 'Mick' mention it positively once at the Fish. The area surrounding the Millennium Centre had a few shops that were staples of the neighborhood. The Fish was actually Ollie's Fish-n-Chips. It was next door to the Pizza which was actually Jubilee Pizza. Ianto made a point of knowing the neighbors, the employees, and the regulars. He believed in shopping locally, but he also believed in knowing his surroundings.

Dylan's was an old school barber shop, just as Jack had requested. Ianto walked in and was startled by the loudness of the bell attached to the door. Nobody was around. He walked to the counter and self-consciously adjusted his tie. Why was he here? He dressed to please Jack and now he was going to get his hair cut for the same reason? He wondered what Jack would say if he came back with a Mohawk.

He was about to leave when an older man came out of a back room. He was wearing a barber smock like Ianto imagined they wore in the 1950's. He had a black comb and a pair of scissors in his pocket. Ianto wondered if he'd walked onto a film set.

"How can I help you, lad," asked the older man approaching him. Up close he was older than Ianto had initial thought. He was probably 70. Ianto hoped his hair looked that good at 70. Of course, he expected to be a well preserved frozen corpse long before his 70th birthday rolled around, but it was still meant as a compliment.

"I heard this was a good place to get a haircut."

The man blinked at him then broke into a slow smile.

"I wondered when you'd find your way here." He gestured to a barber chair. Ianto's worry meter went off the chart.

"Sorry, have we met?" Ianto knew they hadn't. He prided himself on remembering faces.

"No, not as such, but I know you, Jaunty Jones." Ianto sat down with more than a touch of trepidation.

"Um, yes, Ianto Jones," he said holding out his hand. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance." The barber smiled again and took Ianto's hand.

"Dylan Humphreys, but they call me 'the Book', but you knew that."

"Actually, I didn't," Ianto said as a barber's cape was swept around him.

"You are a very cautious man," Dylan 'the Book' said.

"I like to think of myself as sagacious. It makes me sound more interesting than cautious does." Ianto smiled, but he was still on high alert. Dylan laughed.

"You like being underestimated, don't you? I bet you fool a lot of people with your flash clothes and vacant glances. People lower their guard then BANG!" Ianto jumped in the chair.

"I really don't know what you are talking about," Ianto said thinking about the gun in his trouser holster.

"Right," Dylan said looking at Ianto's head. "What are you doing here, then?"

"My boss sent me," Ianto said trying to sound more confident with that reasoning than he did.

"Your boss? What did he say?" Was that fear in Dylan's eyes? Ianto decided to tread carefully.

"He said I was looking shaggy and I needed to get a proper haircut, a razor cut. He told me to go to a proper barber." Ianto realized he was babbling, but he couldn't stop. "He's old school. Likes things done a certain way, not good with change, you know the type."

"Yeah? He a local boy?" Ianto couldn't think of anyone less local than Jack. In spite of living for more or less a hundred years by Ianto's count in Cardiff, Jack didn't seem to have a lot of local knowledge.

"Um, no, he's an American." Ianto knew Jack wasn't, but it was an assumption people made when they first met him so it was an easy lie to tell. Dylan clapped his surprisingly strong hands on Ianto's shoulders.

"American? I didn't know that. You know, that makes sense. I thought it had to be something. A Yank. Never would have happened in the old days."

Ianto realized his mistake. He needed to back pedal.

"Well, the tourism board is always looking for fresh perspectives." Dylan burst out laughing.

"You are one in a bloody million! But I've got to hand it to you. Whatever the hustle, you have a great blanket! I never would have come up with tourist information centre. Seriously, that bit is genius. Hold on. Don't move," Dylan said heading to the back room.

Ianto wondered if he ran out of the barber shop screaming if it would make him seem more or less cautious. He always hated making small talk while getting a haircut, but this was uncomfortable on a completely different level. On the other hand, he was really curious to know what Dylan was talking about.

Dylan returned with another man. He looked older than Dylan, but was just as spry. He had an old, long scar down his left cheek. The thing Ianto really noticed was his suit. It was a well-tailored, light-weight navy wool with a light pinstripe. His pocket square perfectly matched the glimmer of lining Ianto saw. That, Ianto thought, is class on toast.

"I really like that suit," he said before thinking. The new man opened his jacket and turned to show off his suit. Ianto noted the shoulder holster.

"Good eye, Jaunty! Always liked a bit of flash! Let's the punters know you're a professional."

Ianto, now terrified, smiled. He wondered if the senior citizens would kill him in the barber shop or take him out into the woods and make him dig his own shallow grave.

"Let's get down to business. Your boss, did he send you here to intimidate us 'cause I can tell you , boy-o, we've seen tougher than you."

"Absolutely not," Ianto said. "I'm not exactly the intimidating type. He, uhm, he honestly just wanted me to get a proper haircut. I know this guy, just in passing, named Mick and he's got nice hair. I heard him mention this place." They glared at him. "Seriously. Just wanted a trim."

The silence hung heavily in the shop. Finally the two elderly men began laughing.

"So what's the game, eh? Word on the quay is you're a bookmaker, but I ain't seen a drop in business so I reckon that doesn't make sense. The gangs got the drug trade and you don't look like you'd want to tangle with them. Whatever it is, you've come in quiet, under the radar, what's the hustle," Dylan asked a touch of menace in his voice.

"I'd decided you were up to some kind of sleeze until you got into that barney. Bruises like that don't normally come from the soft trade," the man who hadn't introduced himself said. Ianto's brain finally started working. He almost laughed at the confusion. It all came down to a bad day and a bit of gossip.


	3. Careless Talk

A/N: Flashback! This is after "Countrycide". A different version of this is in my ridiculously long fic "Woke Up Screaming" which isn't on FF as of the posting of this. If it ever is and you read both the answer is yes, I plagiarized from myself. Mea culpa!

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Chapter 3 – Careless Talk

Several months earlier, he and the Torchwood team had gone camping. As if that hadn't been a grisly enough an idea on its own, he had been abducted by crazed cannibals. He was beaten within an inch of his life. Returning to Torchwood, Ianto had ordered pizzas. Jack ambushed him in his office behind the tourist information counter. He was angry at Ianto for stirring up trouble. He was also hurt by Ianto's continued attempts to distance himself. In typical Jack fashion, he wasn't communicating that well and in the usual Ianto style, he didn't understand it. Emotions were not easy for either of them.

"You managed to get along pretty well with those police and that paramedic. Do you like those strangers so much better than the team?" Jack's eyes were wild. Ianto had seen that look before and he was still surprised he'd lived through it.

"Strangers like me. They felt sorry for me."

"And you just soaked up all that pity! Gwen was shot."

"Oh my God, really," Ianto said sarcastically. "I hadn't heard that 20 times. I was tied up and beaten. I wonder if she heard that?"

"Oh poor, Ianto. He got captured. Was it so hard to go to the SUV? You were probably tired after all that baiting and sulking."

"You're just mad because I lived. No, you're also mad because Tosh got mixed up in it. If you could have sent me to get the SUV alone, you would have. You knew that splitting up was stupid. You said yourself it was a trap and the SUV was the bait. Did you think I'd get caught and Tosh could get away or do you hate me so much you were willing to sacrifice her?" Ianto thought Jack was going to strike him. He flinched. Jack turned away then turned back.

"You're right. I wanted to get you away from me. I was pissed off. I didn't think. It's my fault you and Tosh were out there on your own."

They stared at each other. Ianto didn't want to be the first to look away. He heard the front door open and both of them turned to look through the beaded curtain.

"Ianto! Get 'em while they're hot!"

Saved by pizza delivery. Jack stepped aside allowing Ianto to pass, but not enough to let him pass without brushing against him.

"Oh my Lord! Ianto! What happened to you, mate?"

Ianto hadn't thought about a cover story to explain his injuries. He looked back to Jack on the other side of the beaded curtain. He was looking back, but was offering no assistance. He turned back to the pizza delivery man. The delivery man looked towards Ianto's office.

"Do you need me to call the cozzers," he whispered darting his eyes from Ianto to the shadowed figure behind the curtain.

"No, Scott," Ianto said managing a laugh he hoped sounded more sincere to the delivery man than it did his own ears. "That's just my boss. I was supposed to have the day off. Got called in unexpected like. Got into a barney last night. Didn't even make it home yet." He pulled at his blood stained shirt.

"Been there! You know John John at the Fish?"

Ianto didn't want to chit chat even more than he normally didn't want to chit chat, but he didn't want to raise any further suspicions. He always listened to Scott's gossip.

"Yeah, what's the dish from the Fish?" Ianto couldn't care less.

"Got into a scruff after the football – broken arm, nose busted." It wasn't even new gossip.

"This is becoming a dangerous town," Ianto said knowing Cardiff was a very safe city for its size if you didn't include alien/Rift related incidents.

"You can stand a scratch or two, gives you a little character. Poor John John wasn't exactly Brad Pitt to begin with."

Before Ianto could agree with Scott's assessment of John John's lack of Brad Pitt-ness, Jack came through the curtain. He stood behind Ianto and held out a folded banknote between two fingers to the delivery man.

"Already taken care of," Scott said looking at the £20 note confused.

"It's yours if you leave...now."

Scott looked at Ianto who tried to will Scott to leave.

"You probably have a lot of deliveries this time of day. Sorry to keep you," Ianto said. He looked at Scott, pointed his eyes to the money, then looked at the door and nodded slightly. Scott hesitantly took the money and backed away to the door. Ianto thought if he looked on the monitor he'd see the delivery guy running across the plass.

"Was that necessary," he asked Jack without turning around.

"The team's hungry and I didn't think the two of you were going to wrap it up any time soon."

"Do you know what he's going to do? He's going to run straight back to the Pizza and start spreading rumors."

"Your reputation will suffer," Jack mocked. "What do you care?"

"I care because I have to work with the people in the real world to get the things you and your team want. By the end of the day everyone will hear the story of how Jones at the Tourist was beaten up and this spooky American paid Scott to look the other way. It's going to be a nightmare!"

Jack laughed.

"What so funny?"

"You were nearly killed and eaten. You have cracked ribs and a concussion. And what are you worried about? What the neighbors will think!" Jack grabbed Ianto in a bear hug. His laughter dissolved into a sob. "What would I have done if you had died? It would have been my fault. You don't know how much..." He choked on his words. He let go of Ianto.

"It's not your fault, Jack. I should have been stronger." He tentatively reached out a hand and touched Jack's shoulder.

Jack ran a finger along Ianto's face around his injuries. He found an unblemished spot on Ianto's cheek and lightly kissed it.

"You know with that concussion, you shouldn't be on you own. Let me take care of you. Please."

It was a bitter sweet memory. Ianto felt like he was Jack's consolation prize since Jack was at least third in line for Gwen. He still felt like that a lot, but he also was thankful for what he did have with Jack. Whatever that was.

He was not thankful for Scott's gossiping ways. For weeks people would look at him funny as he walked around the neighborhood. He thought it was the bruises, but even after they faded the looks continued. Then, one day at the Fish, he was picking up lunch.

"Jaunty Jones! You sir are looking good today!" John John came around the counter and punched Ianto in the arm.

"John John! Your jaw has healed up nicely." He wished he could come up with a better compliment, but John John was not an attractive man. He always missed a patch of beard when shaving. His hair was unkempt. He reeked of pot.

"I was hoping," John John said leaning in close and speaking what was for him softly, but what was a normal tone for the rest of the world, "you could do me a solid. What kind of rates do you charge?"

"Rates?" Ianto's first thought was of prostitutes. He had been propositioned on more than one occasion by a man thinking he was a rent boy. It didn't happen often any more, but that was his first thought. His second thought was if he were a rent boy he would have standards for clients that John John could never meet.

"Look, you're a cool cat. Got it. You don't do business in your backyard. That's cool, but we're buddies, right? I just need a little loan, between you and me. I've got some real toughs upset."

Ianto almost laughed. Did he think he was a loan shark? That was illegal! Ianto felt guilty parking the SUV illegally unless it was a genuine Torchwood emergency. He compartmentalized that way. Would he hack into someone's computer to steal their personal information? Of course not, unless it was work related. His boss at Torchwood One fondly called him Ethically Ambiguous. It was a skill he shared with serial killers everywhere.

"I think you have a false impression," Ianto said pulling John John away from the prying eyes. "I work for the Tourism Board."

"Come on, Ianto! I'm begging here! I really need your help!" Ianto knew he should turn and run, but he didn't. He sighed theatrically.

"Tell me the trouble and I'll see what I can do, but, and I mean this, it isn't what I do, got it?"

John John nodded and told Ianto his tale of woe. It boiled down to a hard luck story. He'd missed work while he was recovering from his post-football fight. Short on funds, he agreed to pedal some drugs for his dealer. It didn't go as planned and now his dealer wanted £500. He had a scheme to get the money, but it was going to take a week. The dealer wanted the money now. He started to explain his scheme and how his mate from Birmingham had some top of the line stereo systems that fell off a truck.

"Don't," Ianto said. "Honestly, don't tell me anything about it. I don't want to know." He thought back to his misspent youth and how he could have been John John if he hadn't found Torchwood. "Okay, here's the deal. I'll loan you the money. You don't tell anybody where you got it. You pay me back next week. You don't tell me where you got the money. You promise to stay away from criminal elements from now on." John John threw his arms around Ianto.

"You are saving my life mate." Ianto shrugged out of the hug.

"Don't mention it. Seriously. Never mention it. Keep the chips warm. I'll get the money and be right back."

"Jaunty Jones to the rescue!" John John shouted as Ianto walked out.

Ianto was looking forward to telling the team about it, but he was feeling like a gullible sucker for giving him the money. He thought he'd leave that part off, but by the time he made it back to the Hub with the fish and chips everyone was discussing what they were going to do about an alien from the Crysnal Belt who came through the Rift and wanted to go home. He didn't want to interrupt their serious discussion with his 'guess what happened on the way to the Fish' story. He didn't think they'd care anyway.

Ten days later, John John and his Birmingham friend came into the Tourist Information Centre. He was in the back making corrections to a transcript of the Crysnal Belt alien and Jack when he saw John John crossing the plass on the monitor. He had a friend with a dolly of boxes with him. He hoped nobody in the Hub saw him coming.

"Jaunty Jones, this is Mark and vice versa," John John said jovially. Ianto held a hand out and Mark, looking as if he'd never seen a handshake, timorously shook it.

"It's Ianto Jones. I don't actually go by Jaunty." Mark mumbled something Ianto took to be a greeting.

"I know I'm a few days late," John John said holding his hands up. Ianto had been so busy he hadn't noticed. "But I've got your money!" He handed Ianto an envelope. Ianto opened it, saw it was money, and set it under the counter. He'd count it later. His immediate need was to get rid of them.

"Cool. Remember to steer clear of danger."

"To make up for being late and to thank you for helping me out and all...here." Mark rolled the dolly back and dropped the boxes off. "It's top of the line!"

"No, not necessary."

"No, very necessary! People in your line of work don't have to be nice, but you did me a solid. We are friends for life!"

"Just don't tell anybody," Ianto said. "Careless talk costs lives," he added darkly while laughing on the inside. That was one of Jack's favorites.

"Not a word!" He and Mark both gave him two thumbs up and left leaving a cloud of residual reefer haze in their wake. Ianto counted the money and was pleasantly surprised to find all £500 there plus an extra 50. He was even more surprised to find the stereo, perhaps because of its dubious origins, sounded great in his flat.

Now, sitting in the barber chair, Ianto was remembering that misunderstanding. He was being mistaken for a ne'er-do-well, again, but this time instead of pot head numbskulls it was gun toting senior citizens. He missed the days when he was mistaken for a rent boy.


	4. Too Pretty for Prison

Chapter 4 – Too Pretty for Prison

"I think there's been some misunderstanding," Ianto said calmly. He really had his heart set on being killed by an alien while defending the Earth. Being killed by senior citizen outlaws was only slightly above being killed by the alien equivalent of a can opener on his ever growing list of ways to die.

"Don't play us as stupid, Jaunty," the well-dressed man said. Ianto decided to try a different tact. He'd tell the truth. Well, he'd tell a truth.

"Look, I'm just the office boy. I do accounting. I'm front office. They made me go out to do something more hands on and I got my arse kicked."

"He is too pretty for prison," Dylan said. He laughed. "Remember Handsome Harry Listin?" The well-dressed man snapped his fingers.

"That's who I was trying to place! You look like Handsome Harry!" Both men laughed.

"Sounds like you liked good ol' Harry," Ianto said hoping that bonhomie transferred to him.

"His name wasn't even Harry. It was Glenn, but he looked like a Harry." Dylan smiled at Ianto's reflection in the mirror. "Poor guy didn't make it a week in prison."

"Cor! That was a mess. So, office boy, you got a message from your master for us?"

"Honestly? No. Look, your business hasn't been affected by us, right? Your business is none of our business. We've coincided a long time. Why rock the boat?" Ianto hoped they believed him.

"You are one cool customer, Jaunty Jones. I don't believe you're just an office boy for a moment, but you have a point and we are semi-retired. And," he said examining Ianto's head again, "you do need a trim. Smart dude like you probably goes to a salon."

"Well, there's this unisex place I went to, but my boss was emphatic I go to a proper barber for a razor cut. He isn't the type of man you go against, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah," Dylan said picking up a comb. "I reckon we do." He combed through Ianto's hair. The well-dressed man sat down in the barber chair next to Ianto's.

"There's no shame in knowing who not to push," he said sagely looking at his scar in the mirror. Ianto, who only seemed to talk to strangers, kept talking.

"Yeah, Jack, that's my boss, Jack said 'looking a little shaggy, soldier'," Ianto said switching to a barely passable American accent. "Even told me to take the morning off to make sure I got it done right."

"A good soldier follows orders," the man said pointing at Ianto's reflection. "A lot of these gangs today just don't understand. Everybody wants to be the general."

"This isn't going to take all morning," Dylan said confidently. He flipped open a straight razor at Ianto's eye level. "Only going to use the razor a little. You've got really good hair."

"Thanks," Ianto said not sure if he was more concerned the man was going to kill him or if the man was going to give him a bad haircut. "I'll have time to look for a new suit. For an office boy, you'd be amazed the battering my clothes take." The sharp dressed man stared at him in the mirror. He felt the need to elaborate. "You know, clean up stuff."

"Ah, wet work. Thought you had that look about you. One professional to another, you can always tell. You can call me Tom, by the way," the stylish man said.

Ianto was afraid he'd just confessed to being a hitman. He replayed what he said. No, he'd said clean up and Tom had assumed. It wasn't his fault what people assumed.

"Do you know the dry cleaner off Havelock," Tom asked.

"Oh yeah, he does good work. I went through a dozen before I found one who wouldn't ask awkward questions." Ianto had found the dry cleaner to be a Godsend. He'd wondered what other customers the place had that made them look at a bloodstained dress shirt with the same blasé attitude they looked at an ink stained sleeve.

"He's pricey, but worth it. Who does your suits?"

Compared to Tom, Ianto was feeling ratty in his old suit.

"This is from London. You know how that goes – twice the price, half the quality. I need to find a place locally before I run out of suits. Nothing like a little suit shopping."

"I've got just the place! Sid and Sid's father before him are an institution. You can carry on the tradition. He knows the special extras men like us need," Tom said conspiratorially.

"Can he reinforce the knees," Ianto asked without thinking it through. He was pretty sure Tom and Dylan were not of the lavender persuasion.

"Absolutely! Extra hidden pocket in the front, double stitching in the waist, neat tailoring on the waist coat to eliminate any unseemly bulges. The man is an artist!"

"Speaking of artist, what do you say about that," Dylan said handing Ianto a hand mirror.

"Wow, that's sharp!" It was the fastest haircut he'd ever had. Dylan turned his chair so Ianto could examine the back. It was perfect.

"People forget that the Book is also the Barber," Dylan said brushing off the barber's cape still wrapped around Ianto. "Kept the sideburns long, but that's easy to shorten if you want. Wash, dry, a little pomade and Bob's your uncle." Dylan removed the barber's cape with a flourish. Tom went into the backroom.

Ianto stood up and took another look in the mirror. He couldn't remember the last time he was this pleased with a haircut. He was also pleased they weren't going to kill him.

"How much do I owe you," Ianto asked.

"On the house. Call it a professional courtesy. It's nice to have someone come in for a haircut! I've still got the skills," Dylan said. Ianto knew that look. It was the look of a man confident in a job well done, a passion for something most people wouldn't dream of affording meaning to. He had that look when he made cappuccino. He knew no thank you was necessary, but he also knew how much it was appreciated.

"Thank you, Dylan." Ianto felt along the neckline. He couldn't wait to feel Jack's lips brush against it. "This is the best haircut I've ever had. Seriously. To me you will always be the Barber." Ianto watched the old man's smile grow even wider.

That was how Ianto would look if one person, just one, just once, said thank you. Oh they moaned about how bad other peoples' coffee was in comparison, but that was hardly the same thing. He actually kept a tally for everyone and how many times they thanked him when he brought them their beverages or food. Tosh had the current record with a grand total of four.

Tom came out of the back room wearing a trench coat that, like the rest of his wardrobe, Ianto admired. It was perfect for someone as tall and thin as Tom. Ianto always thought he had the body of a butcher. He didn't see anything elegant or refined about it. He'd never get away with a coat like that. He made a mental note to get back in the habit of going to the gym.

"Ready to go? You're going to love this place!" Tom, who had intimidated and scared Ianto nearly to tears, had transformed into a sort of friendly uncle.

"Are you sure you don't mind? I don't want to wreck your morning." Ianto reminded himself that he didn't really know these people and Tom had made it fairly clear that he was a professional killer. Old man or no, maybe going shopping with him was a bad idea.

"Mind? This is a treat! Let's go!" Tom turned and Ianto caught another glimpse of lining.

Ianto thanked Dylan again and followed after Tom. He was willing to risk his life if it meant he could get a suit like that.

"This," Tom said unimpressed, "is your car?" He quirked an eyebrow at Ianto.

"Yes, it's a very safe car." It was a 1997 Audi A4. Everyone seemed to hate Ianto's car. "And it's invisible."

"An invisible car? I didn't realize you were a drinker!" They got into the car.

"If you see this car on the road, what do you think?" Ianto waited a moment. "Exactly. You don't think anything. You don't go 'oh, that's flash' or 'I've always wanted one of those'. You ignore it. I can follow anybody and they don't pay any attention. I need to lose a tail? The car has no glaring feature that makes it obvious to spot."

"You've thought a lot about this." Tom nodded.

"Professional hazard." Ianto didn't mention he got that information from a spy movie or that a man killed himself in it and that was another professional hazard. His practical nature said 'what's one more body?', but if he was honest with himself that was the real reason he'd been driving the Vespa so much lately. He wanted to go car shopping, but he hadn't done it yet. He was dreading it. He was sure Jack would want to help him.

"That kind of thinking should really impress your boss." Ianto almost laughed.

"No, he isn't the type who gets impressed." Ianto thought for a moment. "No, scratch that. He is impressed by me a lot by really trivial things because he always underestimates me. And he hates this car. He thinks I should buy a fancy new sports car."

"Good for picking up the ladies." Tom smiled.

"That's probably why he wants me to buy it so he can borrow it." Ianto smiled. He knew Jack didn't need that kind of prop to pick up chicks. He wouldn't want to compete with a flashy car for someone's attention.

"You admire him, don't you?"

Ianto didn't know what to say. Afraid he would say more than he should he nodded noncommittally.

"That's something else your contemporaries are missing. You take orders and you are loyal. You scared of him?"

"Terrified," Ianto said turning down the street Tom was indicating.

"Good! Don't get complacent! I got this from letting my guard down," Tom said pointing to his scar. "You work with someone long enough, go through enough shit, and the lines between coworkers and friends begin to blur. By the time you realize your best friend is really a rival and remember that getting along isn't why you do the job, it's too late. Worse if you forget your boss is the guy in charge or if you start to think being his pal will equate to special treatment."

"Luckily I've got low self-esteem so I don't expect special treatment." They laughed.

The building Tom directed him to was in a not so nice part of town. It was a bland, brick building. The first floor was a vacant store front. A window on the second floor had "Catelli's Modern Menswear" painted on it. Based on the state of the paint, Ianto guessed 'Modern' referred to some time around 1960. Ianto had a good feeling about the place.

The inside of the building was in better shape. Tom still suggested against taking the 100 year old elevator. That was fine with Ianto, especially after his pledge to return to the gym, but he was worried about Tom. It turned out he needn't be. He practically bounced up the stairs.

"Sid," Tom called out when they entered the room on the 2nd floor, "got a customer for you!"

Sid came out from behind a purple curtain. He was older than Ianto expected. Then again, he thought as he looked the man over, he was probably only 50, but unlike the spry 70 year-olds, he was strained and beaten down.

"Sid, this is Jaunty Jones. He's in a similar line of work and has similar taste in clothes. He's in the market for a new suit."

"How do you do," Ianto said extending his hand. "And it's Ianto. I really don't know where Jaunty came from." Ianto didn't like having a nickname. Every time someone called him 'Jaunty' he felt a little bit more like he was part of the criminal element. At least it wasn't "Yan".

Sid eagerly took his hand in a two handed grip. He smiled and greeted Tom.

"Is Mr. Jones your grandson?"

"Nah, you know I don't have any family left. Jaunty's a new friend with a good eye for the old ways. How's your granddaughter?"

"She's good. She's helping me a few days a week. She's got potential. Her father, God rest his soul, was no tailor. She's got the skills to sew, but she doesn't quite understand the importance of the cut."

"That'll take some time. Helping on this one might be just the thing! Jaunty has a few special needs."

"Excellent! Let's talk about styles!"

Ianto was strangely content to talk with Tom and Sid about lapels and waistcoats for 30 minutes. Once Sid had a good idea of what Ianto wanted, he pulled out the fabric swatches. Immediately Ianto saw the one he wanted. It was a dark grey with a red pinstripe.

"Would it be overkill to wear a red shirt?" Ianto smiled like a kid picking out his first bicycle.

They took a few measurements. This was temporarily made awkward as Ianto had forgotten he had his trouser holster hooked onto the back of his waistband. The moment was only awkward for Ianto. Sid simply made a note of Ianto's preferred location for the holster. He also noted Ianto's special requests without so much as batting an eye.

Ianto tried to give Sid a down payment for the suit, but he insisted he knew Mr. Jones was good for the money. He made an appointment to come back Friday for a fitting. He took Tom back to the barber shop and promised to pick him and Dylan up before the fitting for lunch. Driving to Torchwood he was humming. They might have been unconventional and criminals and three times his age, but Ianto Jones finally had friends.


	5. Ambush

A/N: Warning: A little hanky, no panky.

* * *

Chapter 5 – Ambush

As Ianto parked his car, he had to avoid hitting Gwen who was blocking his spot while she climbed into the SUV. Ianto put the car in neutral and gunned the engine. She mimed slowing down even more. He wasn't amused. She finally got in and, with exaggerated slowness, closed the door. He parked and jumped out. Gwen lowered the window and Jack yelled at him from the driver's seat.

"A 999 call last night mentioned a location known for Rift activity. Might be a coincidence, probably nothing. Jump in."

Ianto didn't like the sound of that. He didn't see himself as a field mission kind of guy. Sure, if they were shorthanded or needed something packed and lifted, he was your man. Jack already had Tosh and Gwen. That was plenty to investigate a vague possible problem. Clearly they weren't taking it too seriously or Gwen wouldn't have been wasting time getting into the SUV.

"Are you waiting for me to get out and open the door for you?" Jack sounded mildly annoyed, but then he smirked. "Why Ms. Jones! Your hair looks lovely! I'll get that door for you," Jack said taking off his seatbelt.

"I can manage, sir," Ianto said opening the car door and climbing in the back behind Gwen.

"Did you have fun at the spa," Gwen said laughing. "I swear, if I took a morning off to get my hair done..."

"...it would still only look half as good as mine," Ianto finished. Ianto was not in the mood for these people to ruin his day. It had been going so well.

Tosh giggled and put her hand over her mouth. Even Jack laughed.

"As it happens," Ianto began, "I also went by the tailor and ordered a new suit. Jack, I need to go back for a fitting Friday."

"Can't you buy off the rack," Gwen asked.

"Do you really want to keep feeding me straight lines?" Ianto glared at the back of Gwen's head.

"I'm just saying I've got nice outfits for Rhys down at the Outlets. You could go there after work and get something a lot easier than going to a tailor."

"No offense, Gwen," Jack said pulling the SUV onto the street, "but I've seen how Rhys dresses to take you out on the town. I don't think I want Ianto emulating his style."

"Which reminds me," Gwen said, "you owe me a night off."

"Fine, pick a night. We will only call you if absolutely necessary and no matter how badly I'm injured by a Weevil, I promise to not interrupt your date," Jack said.

"Fine, tomorrow night."

"Done. What about you Tosh? Want a guaranteed Torchwood free night?"

"That's okay. I feel bad about leaving at 6 yesterday."

"Don't feel bad. Everybody lit out early. Well, except Ianto. He was hard at work all night to make up for taking this morning off. I'm guessing it'll be another late night tonight if he's taking Friday morning off."

"Absolutely. Wouldn't dream of doing otherwise. And it's Friday lunch time actually," Ianto said.

"Noted. We are on our own for lunch Friday, ladies! We should start planning the debauchery now!"

They arrived at the dilapidated house and quickly found rats in the walls, bugs under the carpets, and a small amount of residual Rift energy.

"Gwen, Tosh, you two look around this floor. Ianto, let's check upstairs."

Jack bounded up the stairs. Ianto carefully stepped up the stairs worried they would give way under his weight. The railing shook under his touch. He caught up to Jack in a room at the end of the hall. He looked out the window through an inch of dirt at the neighbor's house with his hands on his hips.

"It would have been mighty loud for the neighbor to hear it from...agh!"

Jack interrupted Ianto's sentence by grabbing him from behind. Jack grabbed Ianto's right nipple with his left hand and gripped Ianto's right hip with his right hand. He pulled Ianto flush against him.

"God, you look good," Jack growled against Ianto's ear grinding his hips.

"You don't have to call me God," Ianto said mimicking Jack. Ianto moaned as Jack's tongue connected with his newly shaved neckline. "I was thinking about that for hours." Jack's left hand massaged Ianto's chest. His right hand crept unto Ianto's crotch.

"I can tell. Zero to diamond cutter in two seconds. When we get back to base, I'm going to fuck your brains out," Jack growled.

Ianto twisted around and grabbed Jack's face. He kissed him hard and shoved his tongue against Jack's mouth until it opened. Jack pushed forward with his tongue. Ianto, refusing to take a subordinate role, sucked Jack's tongue. He lightly bit Jack and they broke apart gasping for air.

"I'm not the only one getting a little excited," Ianto said fondling Jack's erection through his trousers. Jack groaned then let go and took a few steps back from Ianto.

"Okay, we've got to get some control. I don't want Tosh and Gwen coming up here and catching us." Jack shook himself. "You are so getting it when we get home!"

"I'll meet you in the Archives, D room." Jack leered and nodded.

They looked in the various rooms and found nothing. After a quick clothing check and adjustment, they went back downstairs.

"Find anything," Jack asked casually. Ianto looked at him enviously. He looked perfect – no flushing, not a hair out of place – back to his usual perfect self as if someone had waved a magic wand. He, on the other hand, felt like he was wearing a sandwich board announcing he groped his boss on one side and "I really liked it" on the other. He noted that in spite of the warmth, Jack kept his overcoat closed. Ianto counted it as a minor victory.

"This...thing is covered in Rift energy," Tosh said gesturing to a metal cylindrical object. It was only five inches high and 3 inches in diameter. It was closed on one end, but open at the other. Random looking patterns were cut out of the metal. Inside the cylinder was a tie-dyed colored psychedelic candle that was about 8 inches tall or at least what was left of it was. Globs of melted wax had dripped down the side and fused the candle and makeshift holder into a single unit.

"Alien bric-a-brac," Ianto said underwhelmed.

"Is it the candle or the candle holder," Gwen asked eyeing it suspiciously.

"The holder, but we should take the candle, too," Tosh answered.

"I didn't think acid trip décor was your style," Jack said. Tosh smiled.

"Not even close, but it looks like that candle holder is bleeding energy into the candle. Besides, Owen will like it." They all nodded.

"It looks to me like some kids have been using this as a hangout," Gwen offered. "Beer bottles, cigarette butts – they must have been having a party when the police showed up and the kids ran."

"Could be," Jack said. "Okay, Ianto, bag up the knick-knack. Careful you don't get too close to the wick."

"Sir," Ianto asked not understanding.

"With your new haircut, you're so hot you'll ignite it!" Jack threw him a quick glance and a wink. He ruffled his hair as he walked by and into the next room. Tosh giggled. Gwen hurried after him.

"Careful you don't get burned, sir," Ianto called after him playfully.

"Jack," Ianto heard Gwen say on the other side of the paper thin wall, "I think you do need to be careful. I think Ianto is starting to take your joking seriously."

Tosh looked up from the object to Ianto. He put a finger to his lips and crept to the doorway.

"Joking? You mean my flirting?" Ianto could hear the smile on Jack's face.

"Whatever you want to call it," Gwen said in a conspiratorial tone that seemed louder than her previous voice. "What would you do if he suddenly threw himself at you?"

"Think Christmas came early?" Tosh put her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing. Ianto moved a little closer.

"That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about! It's cruel to lead him on like that."

Ianto looked at Tosh and mouthed the word 'cruel' and shrugged. She shrugged back and shook her head.

"I was talking to Owen," Gwen continued, "and we think Ianto has developed a, well, a crush on you."

Ianto wasn't laughing at that. He thought he'd been very discreet.

"What makes you say that," Jack asked. His curiosity was palpable to Ianto. He was eagerly awaiting the answer as well.

"He always tries to sit next to you in briefings. He gathers up our paperwork so he has an excuse to visit you. Owen caught him staring at you walking across the Plass on CCTV. Do you know what he said? He said he was admiring your coat."

"Ianto does love this coat. Sometimes I think it's the only thing that keeps him working for Torchwood."

"Jack..."

"Gwen," Jack interrupted, "Ianto sits next to me and takes the reports because he manages the paper flow and he always knows what I'll need before I know I need it. He's probably the most efficient employee Torchwood has ever had." There was a pause before Jack continued. "And I think I covered the coat. It's a little unusual, but as long he's happy and keeps it scotch guarded I can live with his little kink. A few years back we had an operative who thought it was hot to have sex on the invisible lift. He did a good job so what could anybody say?"

"They could say 'Jack, put your clothes back on'," Ianto said entering the room. Gwen jumped back. Jack smirked. "Are you telling ribald tales without me and Tosh? You know how we look forward to story hour, sir."

"Gwen and I were just chit chatting," Jack said.

"Bric-a-brac, knick knack, chit chat – I'm getting a Suessical vibe from this mission," Ianto said. "Speaking of the mission, what was the 999 call about?"

"Someone reported a loud noise," Gwen said slightly redder than normal. "My theory is kids from next door party in this abandoned wreck. The Rift spits that thing out and they decide to use it. Then the cops show up and the kids run." Nobody commented. "Any better ideas?"

"It's a lot of melted wax. I'd say it was burning at least 12 hours," Jack said. "It doesn't look like it would be very noisy."

"Maybe something else came through that was noisier," Ianto offered.

"Or maybe this thing isn't just decorative, but functional. When you turn it on it gets noisy," Tosh supplied joining them.

"That's exactly what I've always said about Ianto," Jack joked. Ianto closed his eyes and shook his head. Gwen's eyes bulged. Tosh just laughed.

"We should probably get going before I change my mind about going back and working in the Archives. I feel a sick day coming on," Ianto said glaring at Jack.

"Right, pack up and let's go," Jack said quickly exiting the house.

Ianto returned to the room with the candle holder. Tosh had wrapped it and placed it in a black case. He picked it up and was about to leave when he spied a cigarette lighter on the table where they had found the alien object. He picked it up and, feeling a little thrill similar to the one he felt when he had been a teenage shoplifter, put it in his pocket.

Maybe I do still have a little criminal in me, Ianto thought as he joined the team outside.


	6. Always Prepared

A/N: Warning: More hanky panky, but Ianto's insecurities and Jack's ego gets in the way. Typical male overreactions follow!

* * *

Chapter 6 – Always Prepared

Owen was asleep on the couch when they got to the Hub. Tosh went to work on the "Rift-a-bric-a-brac". Gwen started looking into any other complaints in the neighborhood. Ianto said he'd pull the reports of all the other Rift activity that had been logged in the area in the historic archive, not all of which had been digitized. Jack went to his office for a few minutes then disappeared.

Ianto was sitting at a computer in the Archives searching for the location. Ianto had digitized more of the old paper files than he let on to anyone. Even so, he'd have to dig through the paper as well, but he didn't think it was a priority. A loud noise wasn't much to go on. He was thinking of ways to limit the parameters when he felt hands on his triceps.

"I thought you said D room," Jack said. Ianto knew that pissy, annoyed tone. He heard it whenever someone was doing something other than what Jack wanted. If that person was Ianto and Jack was the something he should have been doing, the tone took on a more aggrieved aspect.

"Thought I'd do a quick search," Ianto said not looking away from the screen.

"Not important," Jack said turning the monitor off. "Get up, get into that room, and get your clothes off before you lose another suit." Jack raked his fingernails against the newly shortened hairs on the back of Ianto's neck. Ianto failed to contain a shiver.

Ianto stood up slowly and walked equally slowly to D room. Jack entered, slammed the door, and locked it. He began taking his clothes off in great haste and tossed them on a small, rectangular table. Ianto, still moving slowly and deliberately, removed his jacket and arranged it on the back of a chair next to the table. He focused on removing his tie and purposely didn't look at Jack's naked body.

"Need some help," Jack said stepping into Ianto's personal space and grabbing his tie. Ianto snatched it away.

"No, I'd like to keep this outfit intact, thank you very much." He placed the tie over his jacket then moved it over an inch to the left and then back to annoy Jack.

"You brought the change of clothes like I said, right?" Jack reached for Ianto's belt buckle. He swatted his hands away.

"Yes, but they are in my car because somebody had to ambush me in the parking lot." Ianto slowly undid the buckle and undid the button on his trousers. "I wasn't really needed." He unbuttoned his cuffs.

Jack crossed his arms over his naked chest.

"I like having you on missions. I don't like putting you in danger, but this was hardly a dangerous assignment. I like seeing you integrate into the team. You were alone too long."

Ianto pulled his shirt out and undid the buttons.

"I like you, Ianto, in so many ways."

Ianto slid his shirt off and put it neatly on the chair. He took his undershirt off, folded it with care, and placed it on the far end of the table.

"I like your humor, your efficiency, your loyalty, and, most importantly at this moment, your body."

Ianto sat in the chair and carefully removed his shoes and socks. He stood, unzipped his fly, and let his trousers slip down a few inches.

"So you mean there are bits of me you don't like?"

"Yeah, your sense of timing. Clothes off now."

Ianto smiled at Jack's impatience. This was a Jack he understood. This was the 'I want sex gimmie gimmie gimmie' Jack. This was the 'needy, drooling, begging for it' Jack.

Ianto took off his trousers and folded them quickly over the back of the chair. He removed his underwear, folded them, and slid them next to his undershirt. Ianto turned back to face Jack.

"Did you have...ouf!" Ianto was interrupted mid-sentence. Jack launched himself at Ianto, forcing him back onto the table. Jack jumped on top of Ianto and slammed his pelvis against him. He bit Ianto's shoulder, hard, and ground their cocks together.

Ianto knew this Jack, too. This was the 'sex crazed, animalistic' Jack. This was the 'hang on or you will get hurt' Jack. When Jack was like this, Ianto felt like he was barely preferable to an inflatable sex toy. Still, that little preference meant the world to Ianto. He also had to admit that Jack's desire turned him on.

"Wish I brought some lubricant," Jack said continuing the frottage. Ianto put a hand on Jack's chest and pushed him back a step.

"Hold on," Ianto said. Jack grabbed Ianto's cock. Ianto pushed his hand away and laughed. "I mean be patient for one moment, sir." Ianto walked over to a shelf and pulled out a banker's box. He brought it back to the table.

"What's that," Jack asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about," Ianto said smiling at Jack's curiosity. He opened the box turning so Jack couldn't see inside, pulled out a small bottle, and quickly put the lid back on the box. Ianto handed the bottle to Jack and slid the box under the table.

"I was just telling Gwen how well you anticipate my needs! Lie down on the table," Jack commanded. Ianto did as he was told and Jack straddled his hips. He rubbed their cocks together again. He rubbed the bottle against one of Ianto's nipples and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Before Ianto could say anything about making a mess, Jack flipped the bottle open and dribbled lube over both their cocks then between Ianto's thighs. He threw the bottle down and rubbed against Ianto a few more times.

Ianto knew what was coming. Intercrural sex was not something he had ever done with a woman. He hadn't even heard of it until he read up on all manner of homosexual practices out of curiosity when he started fantasizing more about Jack than Lisa. He thought it was something he wouldn't enjoy. He'd been right. He was no longer preferable to an inflatable sex toy, just warmer with about the same chance of climaxing. At least he knew how to get it over with faster.

Jack moved down a little and pressed his erection between Ianto's thighs. Ianto pressed his thighs together as tightly as he could. Jack thrusted between his lubed thighs slowly looking for the best angle. Ianto felt the meat of his thighs rubbing and reminded himself of his promise to go to the gym. He thought Jack would prefer firmer thighs.

Ianto assumed Jack found the sensation he was looking for when he began thrusting faster. He gave Jack a minute then grabbed his ass.

"Oh yeah," Jack huffed without breaking his stride.

Ianto kneaded Jack's ass in time with his thrusts. He found this technique purely by chance, but Jack liked it and if it got Jack off faster, Ianto was all for it. Ianto closed his eyes and almost laughed as the phrase "close your eyes and think of England" crossed his mind. He gripped low on Jack's ass cheeks.

It was only a few moments before Jack's moans became louder and his movements more frantic. Ianto opened his eyes and watched the muscles and tendons tighten in Jack's shoulders and neck. His eyes were closed and he was biting his lower lip. His face looked damp and flushed. This was the part Ianto did like. Jack looked amazing, almost ethereal.

"You're so beautiful," Ianto whispered.

Jack's eyes snapped open and his lips parted in a near scream as his orgasm started. His eyes scrunched shut as his muscles contracted. He collapsed on top of Ianto breathing heavily.

Ianto patted Jack's ass with one hand and rubbed his back with the other. He kissed Jack's forehead and closed his eyes. He hoped Jack would roll off him quickly so he could clean up before the lube and semen started to dry. He could feel Jack's sweat soaking into his skin. He wondered if he could complain about post haircut trimmings leaving him itchy and take a shower without the team getting suspicious. He could always say he had a mishap feeding Myfanwy. Maybe he could get Jack to get his spare suit from the car.

Then again, while it wasn't comfortable in a traditional sense, it was comforting. The previous late night was catching up to Ianto and he was on the cusp of sleep. The comfort was ripped away as Jack pulled away from him.

"That was amazing as always, Mr. Jones," Jack said. He climbed off Ianto and the table. He kissed Ianto's cheek.

"I serve to please and am pleased to serve, Captain Harkness, sir." Ianto reluctantly opened his eyes. He had to admit this wasn't a good place for a nap. He rolled off the table and stretched. So starting back at the gym tomorrow, he thought.

"Salute when you say that," Jack said crowding Ianto. He grabbed Ianto's semi-erect cock. "I want you at full attention." It only took a few strokes of Jack's hand with his breath on Ianto's neck to get him hard. "That's a good soldier," Jack purred.

"Anything for my Captain," Ianto huffed.

Jack moved his hand faster and bit Ianto's neck. Ianto moaned loudly and grabbed the table for support. He leaned his head back giving Jack more throat to bite.

"You like that, don't you? This is nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you tonight," Jack growled. He tightened his grip. His lips latched onto a clavicle. Jack's roving hand settled on Ianto's chest and his fingers rubbed against a hard nipple.

Ianto pulled Jack's head up and kissed him messily. He moaned around Jack's tongue as he came over Jack's hand.

Their foreheads touched as Ianto took deep breaths. Ianto kissed Jack's smirking mouth.

"I don't remember saying 'at ease', soldier," Jack said one hand lazily rubbing Ianto's spent cock.

"Sorry, sir, but if you keep that up, I'll be at attention again in no time." Jack stepped away.

"We wouldn't want that. We've got to save some energy for tonight." Jack went to his pile of clothes. "Did you have any luck finding any previous reports from that address?"

"Um..." Ianto was amazed at how quickly Jack could switch personalities. He had to think a moment before remembering what he was doing before Jack showed up. "No, not yet. I was distracted."

"Okay, get a list to Tosh as soon as you can." Jack already had his socks and underwear on. "Gwen can cross reference them to see if there are any other police reports."

"Yes, sir. Let me clean up and I'll get right to it." Ianto pulled the box out from under the table and put it on top of it. Jack looked at him quizzically as he reopened it.

Ianto pulled out a box of wet wipes. He gingerly wiped the lube and Jack's come off his leg and groin. He pulled out another wipe and patted down his chest. He pulled out a stick of deodorant and Jack laughed.

"Do you have a portable shower in there, too?" Jack walked over to look in the box.

"Why do you think I said Room D? Did you think I had some romantic attachment to it? Nobody comes in here and nobody is going to open a box," Ianto said spinning the box around and pointing at the side, "with a biohazard sticker on it. It's my post-Jack Harkness recovery box."

Jack looked through the contents of the box. Band-aids, sprain bandages, aspirin, wet wipes in both anti-bacterial and deodorant styles, a towel, socks, scissors, a magnifying glass, two bottles of water, lubricant, rubbing alcohol, witch hazel, peroxide, tweezers, gauze, a handful of povidone iodine swabsticks, a tube of aloe vera gel, needle nosed pliers, a sewing kit, a package of Hob Knobs, and numerous other items were neatly packed into the box.

"It's like a cross between a medical kit and a junk drawer," Jack said picking up a penlight.

"And what would you say if I told you I've used everything in this box at least once after you've had your wicked way with me?"

Jack bit his tongue.

"Really? And when exactly did you need..." Jack picked up the magnifying glass, "...this? I don't think you can handle larger than life."

"Old wooden bench on level 3, splinter, used the magnifying glass, tweezers, and iodine swab."

Jack smiled and chuckled.

"Oh yeah, that was good. I don't remember a splinter. Seemed like a perfect evening to me."

"And thanks to the recovery box I can maintain the illusion!" Ianto reached into the box and pulled out a tube of cherry Chap Stick. He ran it over his lips, smacked them together loudly, and placed the tube back in the box. He put the lid back on the box and lifted it to put it away. Jack stood in his way.

"Hold on. I don't think I like that tone. What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing. I'm not spoiling for a fight or anything." Ianto sighed. "Finish getting dressed. I'll put this box away and get dressed so I can get those reports."

"So now you're telling me what to do."

"No," Ianto said dropping the box. "I'm suggesting, since we're done here, we get dressed and go about our business. If we keep talking, I'm going to say something I'm going to regret."

"If you've got something on your chest, spit it out," Jack commanded.

"Fine. You drive me crazy. Sometimes you treat me like a lover, sometimes you treat me like a special project, and sometimes you treat me like a living sex toy. I never know which Jack I'm going to get and sometimes it changes in a second. I try to give you what you need, but a lot of times I feel like I'm failing in the big scheme of things. I feel like I've lost sight of who I am versus who I think you want me to be."

Jack stared at Ianto.

"See? I regret saying that."

"Wow. Ianto Jones managed to string together more than three sentences. That must be a record."

"There's no point talking when you're not listening."

"You know what," Jack said with a hint of panic in his voice, "I've had an epiphany of my own. I don't need you. You're the one who needs me. Guess what? You ain't getting it anymore." Jack stalked to his clothes. "And another thing," he added turning to Ianto, "I've had living sex toys. Way better than you." Jack grabbed his trousers and untangled the suspenders with less than nimble hands.

"I never said I didn't need you. That would be you not listening again," Ianto said calmly. He picked up the box and put it back on the shelf. He was upset. Was this a fight or the end of whatever he and Jack had?

If it was the end, Ianto, in a way he thought was his biggest character flaw, felt relieved. No more worrying about when it would end; it had ended. As devastated as he was when Lisa died, part of him had been relieved. She was no longer in pain. He didn't need to keep her secret any longer. He thought his ulcers could begin to heal and maybe he'd regain his appetite.

But then things got complicated. Again. Getting involved with Jack had been a mistake in a long line of bad decisions. All the anxiety he'd had should have been a clue. He wasn't even gay so what was he doing having sex with his male boss? No, this was for the best. No more confusion, no more compromising.

I'm going to be alone for a while, maybe a long while, and figure out who Ianto Jones really is, he thought. He had strived to be Lisa's perfect man, then her ideal protector, then, when he should have taken time to get his head together, he struggled to be Jack's model partner. And, in all his quests for perfection in the eyes of others, he had failed. No wonder he was so tired all the time.

Ianto broke out of his reverie and returned to the table to retrieve his clothes. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Jack, now fully dressed, was still there. His steely stare made Ianto feel even more naked than the lack of clothes. He snatched his underwear off the table and put them on quickly.

Jack's head was bowed. He looked up through his eye lashes. Ianto avoided looking at him for the most part, but he glanced at him when he reached for his undershirt.

Damn him for making me want him. Ianto ground his teeth.

"Does this mean you aren't spending the night," Jack asked casually.

"Yeah, well, I guess so," Ianto said trying to mimic Jack's tone.

"Okay."

"Yeah."

"Fine."

"Right."

Ianto heard Jack's words echoing in his head. "I don't need you." Ianto never expected to be wanted, but he specialized in being needed. He sneaked in and pecked away until he was indispensible.

"Just personally or professionally, too," Ianto asked while getting dressed.

"What do you mean," Jack asked.

"I understand you don't need me personally," Ianto said, "but what about professionally?"

Jack looked at Ianto with that enigmatic look Ianto could never read.

"Get dressed," Jack said. He lingered a moment then unlocked the door and left.


	7. A Good Fit

Chapter 7 – A Good Fit

Ianto was a master at laying low. He spent the rest of the week conveniently delivering reports and coffee when Jack wasn't in his office or when everybody was in Jack's office so they were never alone. Avoiding the team wasn't difficult. He had lots of practice and they weren't exactly going to go looking for him unless they needed something. By giving them what they wanted before they realized they needed it, he was able to set his own schedule. He'd studied them enough to know the patterns they weren't aware they had. He wouldn't say he exploited their predictability, but he did use it to keep them at arm's length.

He spent some time in the Archives, but it wasn't a perfect hideout. There were too many entrances for one thing. It was easy to sneak around without being seen. Ianto knew his way around the Archives better than anyone. Jack had called his skill for finding things "near supernatural". Ianto organized things, partially because he hated disorder and partially out of a morbid desire to make it easier for other people in case he wasn't around someday. Since he was around, the team left the Archives to him and if they needed something they would ask him to fetch it for them. Some people would mind, but Ianto preferred it to having them mess up his Island of Order.

The other area nobody wanted that Ianto had quietly claimed for himself was Reception. He knew the team laughed at how seriously he took it, but he made sure the public area had the latest brochures. He added a few things to amuse himself like the newspaper showing a woman who was briefly mayor and always an alien and postcards of places outside of Wales, but for the most part it was like any other Tourist Information Office only slightly neater.

Behind the counter, there was a little office. Ianto liked that it was one of the only Torchwood rooms with only one entrance. It didn't have a door, but Ianto put up a beaded curtain. It was more useful than a wooden door. It gave the impression of openness. Nothing to hide here! Ianto could see anybody coming or, if he was looking at the computer, he would hear them coming through the curtain.

It was Ianto's domain. He felt more at home there than he did his flat. And, best of all, even Jack avoided it. He could count on one hand the number of times anyone had been in there with him. Tosh would walk behind the counter, but she wouldn't get within three feet of the curtain. Owen came in once, but didn't stay long. Suzie said the room was filled with a Ianto vibe and it made her uneasy. And then there was Gwen.

It wasn't that Ianto and Gwen didn't get along. Ianto thought she was a bit phony, but he also thought he was the last person to call someone on that. The way she went on and on about her life as if she were the center of the universe drove Ianto crazy. He even admitted he was jealous of her. Jack was clearly smitten. She just didn't seem to realize how lucky she was. Jack, Rhys, Owen – it was selfish. Couldn't she settle for one? But he didn't feel any real animosity towards her.

He didn't spend a lot of time thinking about her and he was sure she didn't waste a minute on him. When she first came to Torchwood, he had to erase her notes on what she'd seen. He took a measure of satisfaction from not being mentioned in spite of being the first person she'd met and the last one she was introduced to. If he was invisible, it meant he'd done his job. In many ways, he thought she still didn't see him.

So it was with some surprise he saw Gwen staring at him from the other side of the beaded curtain.

"Can I get you something?" He gave her the smile he secretly referred to as "servile patience no. 2".

"Can I come in," she asked smiling, but sounding a little hesitant. Ianto knew that smile. He had it catalogued as "Gwen smile no. 4 – she wants some information, but is afraid of the answer".

"Of course. I'd open the door for you, but there isn't one." He tapped unnecessarily at his keyboard to give the impression that he was too busy for anything frivolous.

Gwen stepped through the curtain looking as though she thought the beads would burn her. She looked around the room. Ianto wondered what she was thinking.

"So this is where you hide from the world?"

No, he thought, this is where I hide from Torchwood. He widened his smile to "servile patience no. 3" and added a hint of "impertinent eyebrow lift".

"What was it you needed?"

"Well," Gwen began as she looked uncomfortably at Ianto, "Jack's been a little..."

"Moody," Ianto suggested.

"Yes, but he's been, well, it's like he's upset about something and he won't tell me what's wrong. It's like he's put up a barrier. Owen and Tosh noticed it, too. None of us know what's it is. Have you noticed anything?"

Ianto wasn't sure what to say. Part of him wanted to shock her and say something lewd about having sex with Jack, but most of him simply wanted her to go away. A small, but powerful part wanted Jack to feel better regardless of personal cost.

"He's probably still upset about John killing himself. He doesn't express his grief very well. You should go to him. Tell him you're there for him if he needs you." It killed Ianto to suggest that. Imagining Jack crying on Gwen's shoulder increased his bile production.

"I think it's more than that."

"He's worried about Owen, too," Ianto offered.

"I know, but it's like there's something else. Maybe..." She didn't finish her thought.

"Either tell him you care or leave him be until he snaps out of it." Ianto was annoyed. If she knew so bloody much why did she come here?

"But has he said anything to you?"

"The last conversation I had with him ended with Jack saying he didn't need me. Does that help you in some way?" Ianto hadn't meant to snap. Gwen took two steps back and jumped when she hit the curtain.

"Sorry, sorry, Ianto, but that's my point. Jack would never say something like that normally. He relies on you. In fact, we were talking, me, Owen, and Tosh, and we thought since you and Jack have a rapport maybe you could talk to him." She smiled and Ianto didn't see any real joy in it.

"What you really mean is you and the team were talking and, since I'm not exactly one of you, I could voice your concerns to him and if he kills me for my trouble, it's only Ianto so it's no big loss."

"That's not what I'm saying..."

"But it is what you mean." Ianto exaggeratedly looked at his watch. He was well aware of the time. "I've got to go."

"You could have a word with Jack before you go..."

"No, afraid not," Ianto said moving Gwen out of his office. "I'm having lunch with friends and then a suit fitting." Gwen held her ground behind the counter. Ianto sighed. "But when I get back, I'll have a word with Jack. If it goes badly, which it will, remember I want cryo-vault 33 and I want the coffee machine decommissioned."

Gwen did a happy jump and kissed his cheek. She clapped her hands together merrily.

"I knew we could count on you!" She was practically glowing as she went back to the Hub. Ianto was glad someone was happy.

He had plenty of time. He hadn't planned on leaving yet, but he couldn't stick around now. He drove to Dylan's barber shop trying not to think about talking to Jack. He was surprised to find Dylan and Tom waiting for him.

"Hope I'm not interrupting," he said shaking their hands. "I left a bit early."

"Not at all," Dylan said putting on his coat. "The good thing about being semi-retired is we can go to lunch anytime we want. The bad thing is you get so bored something like going to lunch becomes a big deal!"

"Sad, but true," Tom said slapping Ianto on the back. "Let's check out!"

They went to a steakhouse near the Fish. Gloria's Steakhouse was a sit down restaurant and Ianto had never been to it. It didn't look like the kind of place a solo diner would feel comfortable. He tried to get Jack to go with him once, but Jack teased him asking if Ianto was asking him out on a date. In a way he had been so it hurt his feelings more than he cared to admit. And, Ianto thought, here I am thinking about bloody Jack Harkness again.

A porterhouse steak, a bottle of pinot noir, and a profiterole sundae later, Ianto's jaw was tired from chewing and laughing. He hadn't eaten or laughed so heartily in ages, certainly not since he returned to Wales.

"Can I get you gentlemen anything else," the server asked.

"I think just the check, Sarah. That was a lovely meal. Thank you," Ianto said smiling. The waitress smiled back and left.

"Lovely meal," Tom said, "but you meant lovely girl! You should get her number."

"She'll probably write it on the bill," Dylan said. "It's that haircut. I should have warned you about the possible side effects."

"Maybe I should invest in a hat," Ianto said laughing. "I'd hate to have to break hearts everywhere I go!"

"Oh yeah? You got a girlfriend," Dylan asked.

Ianto knew that tone. It was the tone that included the unspoken question 'are you gay'. Then again, he thought, I might be reading too much into it. If I hadn't been with Jack...

"Ah, no, not now. I had a girlfriend, back in London."

"She didn't want to move to Cardiff," Tom pried.

"No, she's the reason I moved back. We worked for the same...people. One really bad day things went really bad. I feel a little like a widower. We weren't married, mind, but we would have gotten there. I know I need to move on, but it's tough, you know, especially in my line of work."

"Sorry for your loss, lad," Dylan said. "I've been married 49 years. For the first two years, Erzsi barely spoke any English and not a word of Welsh. Now she can talk my ear off and curse me in both." Dylan smiled. "We're planning a big do for the 50th. You'll have to come! She'll think I hired her a stripper!"

"What about you, Tom?" Ianto's chuckle faded as he returned the nosy question.

"Twice divorced. First one left because I was pining away for another woman. Second one left because I was pining away for the first one." Tom laughed without joy. "Of course, the job didn't help."

The check arrived and Ianto paid insisting that one of them could get it next time. They were all quietly pleased that there would be a next time.

Dylan and Tom decided to go with Ianto to his fitting. Sid was excited to see them. Ianto managed to convince Sid not to call him Mr. Jones, but he couldn't convince him 'Ianto' was a good alternative. Following Dylan and Tom, Sid called him 'Jaunty'.

They all jumped when they heard the door open. A young woman in a red turtleneck and plaid pants came in and took off her ear buds. She gave a shy, half-hearted wave.

"This is my granddaughter, Amy. She's helping me with your suit! Amy, this is Tom, Dylan, and Jaunty. Jaunty's the one getting the new suit." She nodded.

"Jaunty. That's an odd name."

"It's actually Ianto," Ianto said.

"Bah," interrupted Tom. "Give it up! You will be Jaunty Jones from now on. You could get knighted and the Queen will say 'Sir Jaunty of Jones'." They laughed.

"Let's see if we can add to Jaunty's legend," Sid said leading him to the fitting area.

The suit was further along than Ianto expected. Sid explained various features to his granddaughter. Ianto thought she was being a bit rude and not paying close attention to what Sid was saying. She clearly thought she knew more than he did.

"Is he going to be hand scrubbing a floor in this or something," she whined.

"You'd be surprised," Ianto said dryly. She gave him a dirty look.

"Amy, in Jaunty's line of work, his clothing isn't simply clothes. This is his suit of armor! This is form, fit, and function," Sid explained passionately.

"It's a thing of beauty! Structure, substance, and style," Ianto said enthusiastically.

"It's a suit," Amy said blandly.

They gave up trying to explain. Sid pinned a few more pieces and announced he was done.

"Mr. Jaunty," Amy said as they were leaving.

Ianto walked to the desk she was standing next to and smiled. She didn't smile back. Ianto thought she looked at him as blankly as if she worked for Torchwood.

"There's a matter of the deposit for the suit. I don't have a record of receiving it."

"Amy," Sid exclaimed joining them, "men like Mr. Jones don't leave a deposit!"

"No, it's fine," Ianto said. "In my line of work, I'm surprised they don't ask me to pay my electric bill in advance." The men laughed while Amy blinked loudly. He handed her a credit card. "Go ahead and charge the full price."

"We were talking, Jaunty," Dylan said. "Since you aren't ready to date yet, are you free tonight? We have a little poker game in the backroom of the barber shop."

"It would be great to have some new money in the pot," Tom said.

"Sounds good. As long as work doesn't call," Ianto quickly added.

"Good. 9 o'clock then," Dylan said rubbing his hands together. "What about you, Sid?"

"Count me out. I'm planning on being in bed by 9!"

Amy handed the card back to Ianto and a slip to sign without a word. Ianto signed and handed it back.

"Thank you, Amy. Have a great weekend," he said even though he didn't care if she spent the weekend choosing a bridge to jump off. "Sid, you are a true craftsman. Always a pleasure," Ianto said shaking the tailor's hand.

He dropped Dylan and Tom off and drove to Torchwood. His afternoon had been going so well he knew it couldn't last. He dreaded talking to Jack, but he'd told Gwen he would. He spent the drive rehearsing what he was going to say to his former...well, former whatever they were.


	8. Lamb is to Slaughter as Ianto is

A/N: You won't like this one...

* * *

Chapter 8 – Lamb is to Slaughter as Ianto is...

The first thing Ianto noticed was how quiet the Hub was. There was the usual noise from the fountain and buzz of machines, but other than the occasional sound of key strokes, it sounded like nobody was there.

The second thing he noticed was everybody was there. Owen was flipping quietly through a medical journal. Gwen was reading something on her computer monitor in a way that gave Ianto the impression she wasn't actually reading. Tosh was working at her computer with an intense focus that didn't match the limited Rift activity they'd detected over the last few weeks.

The third thing he noticed was the broken coffee mug a millisecond after he stepped on it. He stooped and picked up the larger pieces. He kept a small broom and dustpan behind the sofa and used it to sweep up most of the rest. He stopped by the workstations and grabbed a roll of tape. As he used the tape to pick up the smallest particles, he wondered what was wrong with his co-workers that none of them had even made an effort to clean up the cup.

The fourth thing he noticed was Jack wasn't in his office. He returned the roll of tape and looked at his co-workers studiously not paying any attention to him.

"Where's Jack," Ianto asked. He wanted to say 'Where's Jack, you lazy, slovenly bastards', but he didn't want to be rude.

"Said he was going for a coffee," Tosh eventually said.

"Um, Ianto," Gwen said apologetically. "I don't think you should talk to him. I think you were right. Maybe we should just wait this out."

"Fine with me," Ianto said shrugging slightly. "I'll use his absence to grab his laundry."

Ianto hadn't picked up Jack's laundry since they had argued in the Archives. That wouldn't normally be a big deal. While he made an effort to keep the place tidy and pick up after Jack daily, it wasn't really necessary. With Ianto's immaculate organization, he could disappear for two weeks, even accounting for alien and death related clothing mishaps, and Jack would still be able to find a clean change of clothes. If it came down to it, Jack could always go to the storage room and find copies of all his clothing. With his uniformed style, Ianto found it easier to buy in bulk. Based on Jack's rate of clothing destruction, Ianto estimated there were enough blue shirts in various shades and braces in the neutral colors Jack preferred to last the man two years.

So it was a surprise for Ianto when he hopped off the ladder and onto a pile of clothes. It looked like every piece of clothing had been thrown out of the drawers and torn out of the closet. There wasn't any point putting off the inevitable so after a plaintive sigh, Ianto began sorting through the mess.

"What are you doing in here," Jack asked ten minutes later. Ianto didn't turn from the clothes he was sorting on the bed.

"Apparently a space/time vortex opened in your room. Luckily it only threw your clothes on the floor. That's just my working theory. I haven't asked Tosh to look into it, but I think it's pretty obvious. The only other theory I can think of is an alien temper tantrum."

Jack grabbed Ianto's arm and spun him round to face him. He tightened his grip on Ianto's arm. Ianto grimaced in pain. Jack let him go.

"I was looking for my socks."

"Bottom drawer," Ianto said pointing at the empty dresser.

"I couldn't find the ones I wanted," Jack retorted.

Ianto shook his head and returned to sorting. Jack grabbed him again.

"Stop touching my stuff," Jack said. Ianto was reminded of an emotional teenager.

"I have to touch 'your stuff' in order to organize 'your stuff'. Some of these clothes are dirty, some need re-ironed..."

"I don't want you organizing 'my stuff'. I can take care of myself. I've let you have free reign over things and that's going to stop. Now."

Ianto looked at Jack and briefly marveled at the intensity in his eyes. 'I don't need you' replayed in his mind. This was Jack proving his point. Ianto raked the clothes off the bed and unto the floor. He kicked them around like tossing a salad.

"As you wish, sir. Wouldn't want to interfere with your system." Ianto pushed past Jack to the ladder. "Almost forgot, Captain. The team asked me to have a word with you. Stop being a dick."

"Excuse me," Jack said incredulously.

"I told them you were being a jerk lately because you are still upset about John killing himself or maybe because Owen wanted to be Weevil food. I didn't want them realizing you are naturally this way."

Jack looked down and Ianto could tell he was pouting. He hated it when Jack pouted. Damn the man!

"Look, I don't know what's wrong. Maybe you need to take a few days off from being Captain Jack. Don't push your team away. They care about you."

"As opposed to you," Jack said his jaw jutting out slightly.

"Jack," Ianto began as he leaned against the ladder, "I care. You know I care. If I didn't care it wouldn't hurt so much to know you don't. Call me if you want help cleaning this up. Otherwise, I'm going to take my own advice and leave you alone to work this out." Ianto climbed the ladder and went straight to Reception.

Around 7, Ianto was engrossed in a file he was digitizing. He didn't need to read every word of the files, but he found many of them too interesting to ignore. This one was about a reptilian creature that spit fire. It would have been a dragon if it hadn't been only six inches long. Still, the case file was written by Theodore Forrest in 1927 and Ianto had come to enjoy his style. He never used speed reading with one of his reports preferring to imagine someone reading the words to him like a story. The man wrote long, detailed descriptions of everything. He sounded like a frustrated novelist. Ianto had started to ask Jack about him to find out what he had really been like several times, but Jack never wanted to talk about former Torchwood employees.

Ianto chuckled at the image of Theodore using the creature to light a cigarette.

"Something amusing?"

Ianto jumped in his chair. Jack was on the other side of the beaded curtain. Once Ianto made eye contact, Jack stepped through into his office. Ianto wasn't happy with this trend of people invading his space.

"Torchwood has hired a few agents with a flair for dramatic narrative in their field reports," Ianto said smiling the same "servile patience no. 2" smile he'd used earlier on Gwen.

"Anyone in particular?" Jack leaned against the door frame. Ianto was on full alert.

"Theodore Forrest," Ianto replied. Jack smiled, but looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth.

"Theo...hadn't thought of him in a long time. He'd be happy to know someone was enjoying his reports. He took some pride in them. 'It's for posterity,' he used to say. Does it mention," Jack said his tone becoming darker, "in his reports that he hated aliens, but loved young girls? Does it come across in his writing that he was an alcoholic? His cruelty?"

"Well there's a bit in this one where he's using a little lizard as a lighter. That sounds a bit like animal cruelty," Ianto said unmoved by Jack. He was well aware that people were more complicated than they appeared.

"And you find that amusing?"

"I find how it's written amusing. If I'd been there, I believe I would have been horrified. I'd like to think I'd have stopped him. But I'm not there. I'm here, reading about it 80 years later."

Jack smiled and walked around Ianto's desk. He stood behind him and put his hands on Ianto's shoulders. He looked at the monitor. His hands rubbed Ianto's shoulders.

"I think you would have. Actually, I think you would have come to blows with him long before this. He did tell a good story, though." Jack pointed at the screen then returned to massaging Ianto's shoulders. "I apologized to the team and sent them home."

"I need to get going myself," Ianto said starting to stand. Jack held him down.

"What's your hurry?"

"I've got plans," Ianto said struggling to keep his head from rolling back against Jack's stomach.

"What's her name?" Jack's fingers dug deeper into Ianto's shoulders.

"Who's name?"

"Your new girlfriend – the one you took to lunch today. Gloria's steakhouse. Quite a bill. She must be a healthy eater."

Ianto laughed. He couldn't stop. It turned into a guffaw.

"Something else strike you funny?"

"The idea," Ianto gasped between chuckles, "that I could get a date let alone take her to lunch let alone get her to go out with me a second time...It's like you don't even know me." Ianto slipped out of Jack's grip and turned in his chair to face him. "I had lunch with friends. I'm going to play cards with friends tonight. Since when are you monitoring my credit cards?"

"I was curious. That seems like a lot of money for a suit, by the way."

"You pay for quality," Ianto said. "When you see me in it, you'll think it was cheap at twice the price."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you out of it."

"So this is another classic Jack mood shift?"

"Well, I was thinking, maybe I could use a little more recreation. Maybe if things stay quiet you can book a nice hotel with good room service. We could pretend we're on vacation, spend all day in bed. We've got the place to ourselves tonight. We could start there."

"And in 20 minutes when you've changed your mind?"

"I'm not going to change my mind. I'll sweeten the pot. You can put all my clothes back the way you like them." Jack crouched in front of Ianto. He rubbed his hands up and down Ianto's thighs. "You can start with the ones I'm wearing."

Ianto put his hands over Jack's. The warmth of Jack's hands seeped into Ianto's legs.

"Are you saying this because you are horny or because you want your mess cleaned up?"

"Can't it be both," Jack said smiling up at Ianto.

"Does this mean you admit you need me?" Jack stopped smiling.

"Why is that so important to you? I want you, now." Jack jumped to his feet. "Let's go soldier!" He held his hand out to Ianto. Ianto didn't move.

"Why is it so hard for you to say you need me?"

"Because I know what that means to you."

"Then you know why it's important."

"No," Jack said, "I don't know why you need to be needed. I don't understand the why."

"Just say you need me and I'll cancel my plans."

Silence filled the room and time seemed to stop. Ianto knew what Jack was going to say. He wanted him to say it so they could end the charade once and for all.

"I don't need you, Ianto." Jack crossed and uncrossed his arms nervously. "That doesn't mean we can't..."

"Yes it does," Ianto said. "I don't ask for much. I don't have a lot of self-esteem or self-respect so I don't ask you to stroke my ego or respect me. I don't ask you to be faithful or truthful. All you have to do is say you need me. I don't know, Jack, maybe you don't. You could lie and say you do. It wouldn't be the first time you've lied to me. If you can't offer me this one, small kindness, I'm going to go."

Ianto stood and stared at Jack. He hoped his face didn't show the nausea he felt.

"Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Pick up bagels for the team." Jack paused, seemed to reconsider, and left.

Ianto watched Jack go through the secret door and stared at the door long after it closed.


	9. The Company You Keep

A/N: Do I really need to warn this chapter contains smoking? That seems silly so I'm ignoring the advice and not warning anybody about the use of tobacco products mildly described below.

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Chapter 9 – The Company You Keep

Ianto arrived at Dylan's barber shop at exactly 9. His only concession to the casual nature of hanging out with friends was to leave the tie at home. Instead of a suit he wore a pair of slacks and a camel hair sport coat. He thought he looked sloppy, but he knew other people weren't as picky as he was.

He entered the shop and sheepishly went to the door leading to the back room. He knocked. He was suddenly nervous. Ianto was good at making a positive first impression. He was good at dealing with strangers. After having lunch with Dylan and Tom, he was referring to them as friends. He didn't know how to act around 'friends'. He'd been so busy trying to not think about Jack, he hadn't been thinking about his game plan for the night. He wondered if that was a mistake or if maybe that's the way other people lived their lives.

"Jaunty," Dylan exclaimed opening the door. "Come on in!"

Ianto wasn't expecting the back room to be as large as it was, but otherwise it looked basically like he thought it would. In spite of the size of the room, it was dominated by the large poker table. It was an oak, octagonal table with an aged, but intact green felt top. Along the wall shared with the barber shop, there was a set of cabinets, a small sink, and a counter top. There was a full size refrigerator in the corner. There was a black leather couch and two matching chairs in the back facing a large flat screen TV. The term 'man cave' came into Ianto's mind.

"I know you said not to bring anything, but I thought this might be a good place to share these," Ianto said handing a box to Dylan. "I'm not a smoker, but I told an acquaintance I occasionally smoke a cigar – these Montecristo 4s that have a hint of coffee taste. He turned out to be quite an aficionado and sent me this box of Montecristo No. 4 Reservas. No coffee taste, I'm afraid, but on the plus side, they are extremely expensive."

Dylan laughed and looked at the cigars. He looked like a kid with a candy bar. The bell over the front door clanged.

"You know my missus doesn't like me smoking," he said conspiratorially.

"Neither does my boss," Ianto whispered back and laughed. "He once saw me smoking and hit me right in the mouth. He says he can smell it for days." He didn't include Jack's more colorful description of kissing an ashtray or his even more colorful expression of sticking his dick in a smoking urn.

Tom came in with an old man around 75. He wasn't as well preserved as Tom and Dylan, but he had lively eyes. He switched his cane to his left hand and shook Ianto's hand.

"Dave Members, this is Ianto 'Jaunty' Jones. He says he doesn't like being called Jaunty so make sure you call him that," Tom said smiling.

"Nice to meet you, sir," Ianto said grinning.

"Wa-hoy! Jaunty has some manners on him, don't he?" Dave slapped Ianto's arm.

"Watch out, Jaunty," Dylan warned. "He's trying to size you up! Dave's a shark!"

Next, Mick came in and they had to recount the story to him of how Ianto had overheard him talking about Dylan's barber shop. They joked about 'Jaunty's' infamy at the Fish. The youngest of the group, was a man Ianto estimated was around 60 named Steve Wills, but everyone called him 'Ice Cream'. Ianto decided 'Jaunty' could have been a lot worse.

Ianto wasn't a great poker player, but he had an excellent poker face. Hanging out with his friends, senior citizen or not, was worth more to him than any poker pot, though. He'd often thought he was born in the wrong time. Hearing them tell stories about their heydays made him feel even more so. He had a little bit of a criminal in him and he had no doubt if he met these men in the early sixties he would have signed on to the crew. Ianto's purloined cigarette lighter got quite a use as he lit his new friends' cigars. He mentioned to them he took it while on the job without really thinking about it. That led to another round of stories.

They played cards, drank beer, drank some gin, drank a little scotch, smoked cigars, and told stories until after 2. Dave was asleep in one of the leather chairs and they'd stopped playing, but the rest were still telling Ianto stories. He could tell they had told some of these stories a hundred times before, but that didn't change how much they enjoyed telling them. Ianto was definitely enjoying hearing them.

Then his phone rang. He knew from the ring tone what it was before he looked at it. The text message confirmed his suspicion – "All hands on deck pronto". Ianto stood up and immediately regretted how much he had drank.

"Sorry guys, but the boss beckons."

"This time of night," Mick asked. "It can't be good if it's this late."

"It never is," Ianto said.

"Don't forget breath mints and a splash of cologne," Dylan said.

"Is he going to work or on a date," Tom laughed.

Definitely not a date, Ianto thought.

"The boss doesn't like smoking," Ianto said.

"Clipped him in the kisser last time," Dylan said.

"He sounds like a tough guy for an American," Ice Cream said.

"You have no idea," Ianto said thinking about Jack punching a Weevil. "Thanks for including me tonight."

"I can't remember the last time we played this late," Tom said yawning. "Come back next week and bring more money."

Ianto was about to respond when he heard the bell over the outside door. He looked at the others.

"I wasn't expecting any party crashers," Dylan said approaching the door.

A crash came from the back door. Whatever it was caused the door to shake. There was a moment of silence then another crash as the back door fell and another almost simultaneously as the inside door shattered. Eight heavily armed men wearing black uniforms entered the room. Ianto relaxed as he realized it wasn't an alien menace.

It was the police.

It wasn't the first time Ianto had been arrested, but it was the first time he was arrested holding a Glock. He found police were much less friendly this time around. He didn't really blame them, except he wasn't sure why they were arresting him. At the station, someone said something about illegal gambling in a way that conveyed they knew it was ridiculous, but weren't they clever for thinking of it.

Ianto knew he could say the magic words and they'd release him. The main problem with that was they would call Torchwood and they would never let him live it down. Worse, Jack might disavow Ianto. He assumed Jack was angry by that point. He'd called in everybody and now, an hour later, there was still no Ianto. If he noticed, and based on their previous conversation Ianto was sure he would, Ianto would be in hot water.

On the other hand, Ianto didn't want to abandon his friends. He could imagine them seeing him leave and assume he 'ratted them out'. He didn't want to risk offending his new friends, particularly friends who in spite of their ages were still criminals who were proud of being notorious and dangerous.

Ianto Jones? Sure, Ianto imagined someone saying, he lived through Daleks, Cybermen, cannibals, Hoix, Weevils, and a pterydactyl. Shame we never found his body after he was killed by a group of pensioners.

Ianto stayed the course and kept to his cover story of being a quiet cog in the Cardiff tourism machine. The Glock, however, did not lend itself to the story.

"Right, Mr. Jones. You're just a humble public servant. Does the tourist bureau give guns to all their clerks or were they expecting trouble on the Quay?" Ianto didn't recognize the policeman questioning him. He was middle aged, English, with a bushy mustache. He introduced himself as Lead Detective of the Organized Crime Taskforce instead of by name.

"It's not mine," Ianto said. Technically, Ianto thought, he wasn't lying. It was Torchwood's gun. He was only the custodian of the gun.

"You think you're a real tough customer, don't you," the detective consulted his file, "'Jaunty' Jones?"

"That's not actually in the file, is it," Ianto asked frowning.

"Ianto Jones," the policeman read, "aka Jaunty Jones. Don't you like your nickname?"

"Not particularly. Is there a way to change that? I don't want to get pulled over for a speeding ticket and have the officer say 'Do you know why I pulled you over, Jaunty?'"

"Not to worry, Jaunty. You won't be driving anywhere anytime soon."

He stood up, turned his chair around and sat down. As far as intimidation tactics went, Ianto wasn't impressed. In a different scenario he would have laughed.

"I think we can work something out, though. Get you out on your Vespa in no time. According to the profile they worked up for you, you like to be well dressed, well mannered, and courteous. I suppose that's where 'Jaunty' comes from, eh? Well, Jaunty, this would be a good time for you to extend that infamous courtesy to me. I'm known for being polite. We could have a nice chat. Why don't you tell me about your organization, hmm?"

"The goal of the Cardiff Tourist Board is to make Cardiff more accessible to the..."

"You're trying my patience, Jones!" Ianto blinked at the interruption.

"That wasn't very polite," Ianto said.

The Detective glared at Ianto. He put a tape recorder on the table. He pressed play.

"Well, there's this unisex place I went to, but my boss was emphatic I go to a proper barber for a razor cut. He isn't the type of man you go against, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I reckon we do."

"There's no shame in knowing who not to push."

"Yeah, Jack, that's my boss, Jack said 'looking a little shaggy, soldier'. Even told me to take the morning off to make sure I got it done right."

"A good soldier follows orders. A lot of these gangs today just don't understand. Everybody wants to be the general."

The Detective hit stopped the tape.

"A good soldier. Do they have ranks in the Cardiff Tourist Board?" The Detective hit play again.

"This isn't going to take all morning. Only going to use the razor a little. You've got really good hair."

"Thanks. I'll have time to look for a new suit. For an office boy, you'd be amazed the battering my clothes take...You know, clean up stuff."

"Ah, wet work. Thought you had that look about you. One professional to another, you can always tell. You can call me Tom, by the way."

The Detective hit stop again.

"A professional! You people amaze me. You casually talk about whacking people then go right back to talking about hair. It doesn't bother you a bit, does it?"

"I'm not a killer," Ianto said wearily. It had to be after seven. He was sober and hungry. If he didn't get some water soon he was afraid he'd get a hangover headache even though he felt fine at the moment. He was rethinking his plan to keep Torchwood out of this.

"No, of course not. You're a travel booth operator who blows huge sums of money on expensive suits and steak dinners." The Detective fiddled with the recorder then sat it down on the table and hit play. There was laughter and then a familiar ring.

"Sorry guys, but the boss beckons."

"This time of night? It can't be good if it's this late."

"It never is."

"Don't forget breath mints and a splash of cologne."

"Is he going to work or on a date?" More laughter.

"The boss doesn't like smoking."

"Clipped him in the kisser last time."

"He sounds like a tough guy for an American."

The Detective hit stop.

"I think you remembered what happened after that. So, the 'boss' doesn't like long hair or smoking? Punched you in the mouth! Sounds like a real nice guy. He's an American? Jack, wasn't it? What's his surname?"

"I made it up," Ianto said. "I work for the Cardiff Tourist Board. You can call and verify. Look, somehow a crazy story got started and people think I'm some kind of...gangster. It's nice to not be discounted as just a brochure pusher so I play along."

"Come on, Jaunty, you aren't that creative. We know that he's real. Now, American Jack, Boss Jack – what kind of nickname is that?"

"Sometimes I call him 'Captain'," Ianto offered. "Does that sound more to your liking?"

"Actually, yeah, Capo Jack, the American shot caller. He sounds like a tough guy. He's probably real upset we broke up the party last night. Oh," the Detective said in mock surprise, "he was expecting you, wasn't he? Gosh, I hope that hasn't dropped you in the soup."

Ianto didn't respond. He smiled patiently and waited.

"If he punched you for smoking, what does he do for tardiness? Control freak like that might do anything! So, Capo Jack – is he in with the Italians? How well connected is he?"

"Not to be rude," Ianto said, "but sod off. If I were part of a criminal enterprise, I wouldn't tell you anything. As I'm not, I can't tell you anything. This is wasting your time and mine."

"You've got a point, Jaunty. Why don't I have them take you back to the cells so it will only be your time getting wasted?" The Detective stood up and called for another officer.

Ianto was manhandled back to the cells. Ianto cursed his luck while lamenting the lack of any when they turned the corner and nearly ran headlong into PC Andy Davidson. He'd only met him a week earlier when he'd run into Gwen having tea with him. He hadn't planned to say hello, but Gwen waved him over and introduced them as former coworker and current coworker.

Ianto ducked his head down and hoped Andy didn't make the connection. The last thing he needed was Andy getting Gwen bloody Cooper involved. Then again, the police were taking this seriously. Maybe it was time to play the Torchwood card.


	10. Jaunty Jones Jovial Jailbird

A/N: This is one of my favorite chapters in this story. It's also one of the shortest. Thanks for reading, alerting, reviewing, favorite-ing, and not sniffing the subetheric resonator.

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Chapter 10 – Jaunty Jones Jovial Jailbird

Ianto was surprised when they returned him to the holding cell and Dylan, Tom, Mick, Ice Cream, and Dave were still there. He supposed those in the know within the Organized Crime Taskforce had determined after extensive research watching "The Usual Suspects" and reruns of "Oz" that convicts were a chatty bunch and, given the opportunity, would recount their many crimes and future schemes in length.

"Jaunty," Tom exclaimed as the door closed behind Ianto. "We were beginning to think they were giving you the phone book treatment!"

Ianto didn't know what the phone book treatment was, but he didn't ask him to elaborate. He was glad to see his friends were all in high spirits. Even Dave looked full of energy. Being arrested certainly agrees with them, he thought. He was feeling surprisingly energetic himself.

"Just a little chin wag. He's not nearly as polite or charming as he seems to think he is." Ianto got comfortable on a cement bench with his back against the wall. His stomach growled. "I could murder a curry," he said. They all burst out laughing.

"Don't worry lad. Erzsi will cook us up a proper lunch." Dylan smiled fondly, but Ianto wasn't sure if it was more for his wife or her cooking.

"I hope she isn't worried about you. Did they let you call?" Ianto felt suddenly guilty. He was so wrapped up in his own predicament he hadn't thought about his new friends. He supposed it was that kind of thinking that kept him from having old friends.

"Yeah, finally! She's calling the attorney. We'll be out soon enough, don't you doubt it!"

Ianto didn't doubt it. He imagined Jack throwing another coffee cup and demanding Gwen pull Ianto out by his ear if she had to so he could get his caffeine fix. Thinking of Jack, even angry, was a mistake. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. If he'd stayed with Jack the night before none of this would have happened. He suspected the police were under the same wrong impression as Ianto's friends. They believed Ianto was a member of a new criminal gang who would shortly be taking over Cardiff. They wouldn't have busted a senior citizens' poker game if Ianto hadn't been there.

Was it really so important if Jack said he needed Ianto? It seemed like it last night, but it didn't after a few hours in jail. Maybe if Jack wasn't too angry at Ianto he could apologize and get a little comfort. He wouldn't be surprised to find out Jack had a prison fantasy.

Ianto, missing his watch even more than he missed his belt and shoe laces, wasn't sure how much time passed, but he was sure it was over an hour. He usually could guess the time within a five minute window, but that little skill didn't seem to be working today.

They were still talking, but not about anything in particular and certainly not about their master plan. Mick explained his garden project complete with water feature which Ianto agreed to help build. Dave expressed his quandary over whether to move to Swansea to be closer to his grandkids. Ice Cream wondered if being busted was going to become a regular feature of the Friday night poker game.

It was mid-morning and they were finishing a much appreciated snack when PC Andy Davidson appeared. He looked back and forth down the deserted hall in front of the holding cell before he approached the bars.

"Ianto," he said in a loud whisper. Ianto closed his eyes and was disappointed to find he was still there when he opened them. Andy waved him over. Ianto reluctantly stood and walked to the bars.

"Yes, Andy?" Andy placed a finger to his lips and made a shushing sound. "There's nobody here except me and my desperado homies." Andy laughed then quickly schooled his features.

"It's Jack," he said passing a cell phone through the bars to Ianto. This was the moment he was dreading. His friends shared surprised looks.

Great, Ianto thought, now they think we have policemen on the take.

"Hello, sir. Going to be a bit late today," Ianto said into the phone.

"Is this Ianto 'Jaunty' Jones, Cardiff's public enemy number one," Jack asked. Ianto could picture Jack in his office with his feet on the desk laughing with the team over his predicament. It was somehow reassuring to picture their amusement. He much preferred seeing Jack smiling than the angry Jack he'd seen so much of recently even if his good cheer was at Ianto's expense.

"Yes, this is 'Jaunty' Jones, jovial jailbird. Don't suppose you could bake me a cake with a file in it?" Ianto heard Owen snort and he knew he was on speaker phone.

"I would, but you and your walker hooligans are in pretty big trouble. When you said you were playing cards with friends, I imagined Euchre with a few yuppies you met at a bar. I didn't picture you illegally gambling with 1965s most wanted list. I thought you were looking for a father figure. I didn't realize it was a grandfather figure!" There was more laughter and Ianto wondered if Gwen needed oxygen and how much time Jack had spent thinking up one liners.

"Well, sir, this is most amusing. I'm glad I was able to bring a smile to your face. Now if you'll excuse me, we need to get back to digging the tunnel."

"Wait," Jack yelled. Ianto heard him fumble with the phone and realized he was off speaker. "Okay, fun's fun. We've made the charges go away and this Organized Crime Taskforce will have to move on to greener and younger pastures. Steer clear of Detective Eisenmann. He's still convinced you're the real deal and are bringing 1950's gangster chic back in style. Your buddies have a lawyer. Tosh has already called him to say this was an illegal search and seizure and illegal surveillance so all charges will miraculously disappear. He thinks it's all due to his brilliant legal reputation. I'll be down to pick you up within the hour. And Jaunty," Jack added quietly, "you owe me. Understood?"

"Understood, sir. You're the boss." A shiver went down Ianto's spine. He hoped it was happy Jack that asked for repayment, but part of him knew it was possible Jack was happy because evil Jack had plans. "Oh," Ianto belatedly added, "you should probably know you are also known as 'Capo Jack'." Ianto ended the call and gave the phone back to Andy.

"Thank you, Andy," Ianto said.

"You're welcome, 'Jaunty'," Andy said smiling. "Do you think I could have a nickname? I've always wanted one like Andy the Bull, eh? Not bad?"

"I don't think the people on that side of the cage get to have colorful names," Ianto said.

"Well, yeah, but not always, right? Think about it." Andy practically skipped down the hall and Ianto thought of a few names he'd like to call him.

"Good news," Ianto said facing his co-conspirators. "Your lawyer put the fear into someone and they're dropping all charges. Something about illegal search. We should all be released shortly."

"I told you," Dylan said proudly. "He's a pompous windbag, but he still has the touch!"

"You're not in Dutch with the boss, are you," Tom asked.

"Hard to say," Ianto said honestly. "He finds the whole thing amusing. He's coming to pick me up...personally."

"If you need a place to lie low for a few days, we could go to my son's in Swansea," Dave offered.

"Nah," Tom said, "Jaunty's not the type to run. He'll take his lumps. Loyalty! Not enough of it these days! Just remember to protect your face," he said tapping a finger on his scarred cheek.

"I'm not real worried about it," Ianto said in an unconvincing lie. By the way his friends nodded he knew they didn't believe him, but were too polite to call him on it.

Thirty minutes later, Dylan's lawyer, Fred Maltz, came in with the good news and his clients' personal possessions. He was a little deflated to find they already had the good news, but he was thrilled to hand Ianto his business card.

"Make sure you have representation that understands your unique situation," the lawyer said with a weighty nod. Ianto nodded back. Before he could say more, Captain Jack Harkness made his entrance.

"Looks like I almost missed the party," Jack said striding to the cell. His larger than life personality made it to the bars before he did.

"Hardly call it a party without you, sir," Ianto said. He had hoped the others would be gone before Jack arrived. He didn't like his worlds interconnecting.

"You must be Jack Harkness," Dylan's lawyer said extending his hand to Jack. Jack looked at it, hesitated, and then shook it. The lawyer handed him a business card. "Fred Maltz. I was just telling young Jaunty how important good counsel is."

"Priceless," Jack said pocketing the card, "but hopefully young Jaunty isn't going to make this a habit." He smiled dangerously. The air seemed to crackle with electricity.

"Victory lunch at my house," Dylan said eventually to fill the silence. "Jack, you're welcome to join us."

"Thanks, but Ianto and I have business to attend to." Jack handed an envelope of Ianto's personal belongings to him through the bars. "How do you fit so much in your pockets when your pants are that tight," Jack asked. "And did you have to take his shoe laces? That's a bit much. He wasn't going to hang himself," he said addressing the weary policeman who had escorted him in.

"In the hands of a professional killer, those are dangerous weapons," the policeman said. Jack chuckled. Clearly he hadn't received the memo.

Ianto took the package. Jack turned his head sharply, but didn't let go. He leaned forward and sniffed.

"Have you been smoking?" He wasn't laughing. Ianto stammered a trail of vowel sounds.

"Oh no, not Jaunty! We, ah, we were smoking," Mick said stepping forward. "Not a lot of ventilation in the back room."

Jack chuckled again and let go of the package. Ianto pulled out his watch and put it on. He grabbed the shoe laces, sat down and efficiently, but meticulously re-laced his shoes.

"Gambling, smoking, probably drinking, carousing with questionable characters...no offense," Jack added looking at the senior citizens.

"None taken," Tom said.

"Your new friends are a bad influence," Jack said smiling. Ianto picked up one of Dave's shoes and laced it for him.

"He's a good lad," Dylan said.

"I expect this type of thing from Owen, but I expect better from you." Jack paused. "Wish I could have seen the look on your face when the police broke down the door! He's chomping at the bit to clean up the mess they made, isn't he?" Ianto's new friends laughed.

"I almost asked them to wipe their feet before they cuffed us," Ianto said smiling.

"Oh, I'm not looking forward to straightening up that mess," Dylan said standing. "Two doors! Kablooey!" Jack kicked a bar and looked at his shoes.

"I suppose if nothing comes up for tomorrow, Ianto could come by and help." Dylan slapped Ianto's back. "But," Jack added, "no more smoking!" He pointed at Ianto and after a moment he couldn't contain his smile any longer.

They filed out of the cell, Ianto at the end. Jack grabbed him in a playful headlock and ruffled his hair.

"You did a good job, soldier. Next time, call me before you miss a meal."

"Won't be a next time," Ianto said slipping out of the headlock.

"Hanging with this motley crew? We'll see about that." Only the confused policeman following them saw Jack slap Ianto's ass.


	11. Conjugal Visit

A/N: Warning: Graphic man on man action. I almost cut this chapter because it doesn't really further the story, but it has two or three lines I really like and it gives me an extra day to keep working on the rewrites of the later chapters. _(I'm looking at you chapter 13! Get your act together and tie those plot devices together!)_

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Chapter 11 – Conjugal Visit

Ianto's new old friends waved as they climbed into the lawyer's van. Ianto and Jack waved back. As soon as they were out of sight, Jack grabbed Ianto's hand while they walked into the car park. Ianto had never held hands with a man before, but he didn't protest. It was one of those rare moments of affection that he yearned for while fearing. Ianto wished Jack came with an instruction manual.

"That was interesting," Jack said settling in the driver's seat. "I have to say, seeing you behind bars was kind of hot." He leered at Ianto.

"I knew you had a prison fantasy!"

"I was thinking about conjugal visits," Jack said laughing. "Not that I'd let you go to prison," he added.

"I've been told I'm too pretty for prison," Ianto said remembering his previous conversation with Tom and Dylan.

"Absolutely! Young, fit, and pretty – you'd be a walking target!"

They drove in silence for a minute.

"I'm really sorry, Jack," Ianto said. "I was trying to have a little fun..."

"No," Jack interrupted. "I'm sorry. I had some time to think while I was waiting for you last night. I take you for granted." He swallowed and licked his lips. "You were right. I need you." Ianto smiled.

"So you couldn't find clean clothes this morning."

"These are clean," Jack said laughing. "I think." He pulled into a parking spot in front of Ianto's apartment building.

"Okay, well, I'm still sorry. I was worried you might have needed me when you called everyone in and I couldn't join you. I swear, I got the text, stood up to leave, and in came the cops!"

"Yeah, according to the file Tosh pulled up they made a tactical decision to arrest you before you had a chance to commit another heinous crime. They thought your anxiety at disobeying orders from the boss would make you easier to break, too. They don't know my Ianto!"

Jack turned in his seat and looked seriously at Ianto.

"The emergency wasn't anything too severe, was it? I'm not going to go back to the Hub with buckets of Weevil blood to sop up or anything?" Ianto had been trying not to worry about it, but worry was a part of his nature. "Everyone's okay?"

"Oh yeah, fine. I didn't really call everybody in for an emergency. Just you."

"So no aliens sucking spinal fluid out of unsuspecting humans," Ianto interjected.

"No," Jack said sheepishly, "more like me wanting Ianto sucking..."

"Got it," Ianto interrupted.

"I was waiting for you to leave so I could call you, but you weren't leaving. It seemed a little late for a card game when you had to be at work at 8..."

"Wait, how did you know I was still there?" Ianto didn't think he'd like the answer.

"I was watching the GPS signal on your phone. I thought you might have left your phone there accidentally. I sent the message. A few minutes later you were moving, but when you weren't moving in the right direction I wasn't sure what to think. When I still didn't hear from you by 5, I got worried and called in Tosh and Gwen. They found you were at the police station, but there wasn't a lot of info. Then Andy called Gwen and said you were a hitman and some special SOCA group arrested you while you and your gang were plotting some kind of mischief. Then Tosh searched on their database and found out you were Jaunty Jones, person of interest."

"That seems a little...obsessive." Ianto didn't want to admit he was a little flattered that Jack had been worried and gone to such lengths.

"Well, I felt bad about arguing with you. You're right. I've been stressed. I've been taking it out on you."

"Sure, but you didn't have to make me think we were being invaded!"

"No, but..." Jack sighed unable to look at Ianto. "This sounds so stupid, but I didn't believe you when you said you were going to play cards with friends. I thought that was an excuse. When I saw you weren't home, but at a place called Dylan's I thought you were...I thought you were having sex with your new barber."

Ianto laughed so hard his lungs hurt.

"Sure, it's stupid in retrospect, but you had lunch at that restaurant..."

"Which I told you wasn't a date," Ianto said.

"Yes, but I didn't believe you. Hey, I didn't believe you had friends, either! So when you were at Dylan's barber shop for hours I thought you must have found something you liked other than the haircut. I thought if I called you, you wouldn't answer, but I knew you wouldn't neglect your duty no matter how angry you were with me."

"And what," Ianto asked, "were you going to do when I showed up and there was no emergency?" He let the other thoughts running through his head pass. He wasn't going to start a fight when Jack had just as much ammunition as he did.

"I was going to feign ignorance and offer to let you spend the night since it was so late. Then I thought I'd get you to tell me about this Dylan guy and then I'd show you why he doesn't begin to compare to me. It wasn't a great plan, okay? It's...well, I wanted you and I was, you know, I'm not used to the idea of you having things to do other than me."

"So you were jealous," Ianto said smirking.

"No, I was concerned and a little mad and a little lonely. I was worried. Your phone was at the police station, but you weren't in their database. Were you dead? Did the police take your phone as evidence? You don't know how relieved I was to find out you were arrested for being a mafia burner!" They laughed and Jack grabbed Ianto's hand. "Like you could be a killer!"

"I could! All my friends think so. Tom says I have the look about me," Ianto said.

"Yeah, your friends who have been lifelong criminals. I'd forbid you from seeing them, but gangsters are adorable at that age!"

"Forbid me," Ianto asked.

"Strongly suggest," Jack amended. He smiled and let go of Ianto's hand after a final squeeze. "Why don't we go inside before your neighbors get suspicious?" He opened the door.

"Whoa, what makes you think you're coming inside?"

"Because coming in the car will definitely alert the neighbors," Jack joked. "Come on, I sprang you from the big house! I admitted I need you! The polite thing would be to invite me in, brush your tobacco stained teeth, and have sex with me and I know Jaunty Jones likes to be polite."

"Well, I do need to brush my teeth," Ianto said exiting the SUV.

Ianto wasn't sure it was a good idea to give in to Jack so easily, but he knew it was inevitable that he would. Jack had a power over him that made resisting him impossible. His momentary pride at rejecting Jack the night before was dwarfed by the joy of having Jack admit to needing him.

Before he could tell Jack to make himself at home, Jack made himself at home. Jack hadn't been there often and never by invitation. He had planned on this being a Torchwood free zone. Jack didn't seem to understand and certainly didn't respect that idea. Jack grabbed the remote and stretched out on Ianto's couch.

"Shoes off," Ianto said. He was pleased to see Jack sit up to remove his shoes.

Ianto left Jack to channel surf. He brushed his teeth, showered, and brushed his teeth again. He tied a towel around his waist and went into his living room.

"Anything good on?"

Jack looked up and turned the TV off. He opened his arms.

"Not compared to what I'm looking at. Come keep me company."

"I don't want to get my couch wet," Ianto said walking over to said couch.

"I'm sure it's scotch guarded." He beckoned Ianto to come closer. Ianto put his hands on his hips.

"Of course, but you aren't."

"I'm willing to take the chance," Jack said leering still lying back on the couch.

Ianto interlaced his fingers with Jack's and straddled his hips. He flattened their chests together and kissed Jack. It was a slow, lingering kiss with his tongue meandering languidly just inside Jack's parted lips. He reluctantly sat up, returned for another peck, and sat up again.

"These braces have to go," Ianto said pulling on Jack's suspenders. "I have delicate skin." Jack raised up, slipped his arms out of the braces and undid his cuffs.

"I should probably remove my shirt, too. Wouldn't want you to get scratched by my buttons." He pulled his shirt tail out of his trousers.

Ianto pushed him flat and slowly began unbuttoning Jack's shirt. He could feel Jack's cock throb beneath him.

"Feel free to hurry up," Jack said thrusting his hips. Ianto peeled Jack's shirt open. He rubbed his hands over Jack's t-shirt feeling the warmth from the skin beneath bleeding through.

"I've only been out of jail for an hour. I'm still delirious from the freedom." He bent down and rubbed his unshaven cheek against Jack's smooth one. "When you're in stir you miss the simple pleasures like puppies, a child's laugh, 51st century pheromones..." He nuzzled Jack's ear then sat up and ground downward on Jack's lap. He bit his lip to keep from moaning.

Jack gasped and grasped handfuls of Ianto's towel.

"Mmhhmm, Ianto! Incarceration has made you a hard man." Jack ghosted his fingers over the towel until he reached the part covering Ianto's erection. He rubbed Ianto through the towel.

Ianto hissed. He leaned forward and kissed Jack hard. Jack's hand, trapped between them, gripped Ianto's cock and pulled against the towel. They parted panting. Ianto sat up and climbed off Jack in one fluid movement. Standing by the couch, he readjusted his towel.

"Now is a good time for you to take your clothes off," Ianto said. Jack propped himself up on his elbows.

"I thought you wanted to take your time and luxuriate in the joys of your newly won freedom."

"Yeah, sounded better in my head."

Jack reached for Ianto's towel. He stepped back and banged the back of his leg against the coffee table.

"Seriously, Jack, I'm way too close. You get undressed and I'll calm down." He stood arms akimbo and took several deep breaths. Jack sat up on the couch.

"Or...," Jack said tearing off Ianto's towel. He grabbed the back of Ianto's thighs and pulled him closer. His mouth latched onto the underside of Ianto's erection. He sucked up to the tip then took Ianto deep without losing suction.

Ianto grabbed Jack to stay upright. Once he regained his balance, he put his hands in Jack's hair and, on a whim and thinking of all the times Jack had fucked his mouth, pulled. Jack growled and took Ianto down his throat. Ianto shouted and, with difficulty, pulled out of the wet vacuum of Jack's mouth.

"Sit down on the coffee table," Jack commanded breathing heavily. Ianto didn't move. "Here, on the edge." Jack tapped the narrow side of the rectangular table closest to him.

Ianto, who didn't believe in sitting on tables when clothed, found it difficult to disobey Jack when he was naked. He wanted to suggest the bed, but he could tell Jack had his heart set on another hard, uncomfortable table. He sat on the edge.

Jack put two fingers in his mouth and sucked them in and out. He moaned sensuously. He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out. He twirled his tongue around his fingers. Once Ianto was seated, he pushed him backwards with his dry hand.

Jack swirled his tongue around Ianto's tip as he had his fingers. He bent his head to the side and licked Ianto's balls. He flicked his tongue against Ianto's perineum and dribbled some saliva. Jack returned his mouth to Ianto's shaft. He rubbed the saliva along Ianto's perineum with his wet fingers.

"God! Fuck! Jack! Oohooo!"

Jack rubbed his fingers in a circle over Ianto's anus. He sucked Ianto's cock hard and pushed a finger inside.

"Jack! Don't aaagggg!"

Jack pushed his finger in deeper and brushed against Ianto's prostate.

"Fuhfufuffuhfaaaa!"

Jack wiggled his finger in a come-hither motion scraping across Ianto's gland.

"Shwaaaargg!" Ianto banged his head against the table as he came in Jack's mouth. Jack stilled his finger and swallowed. He held Ianto's cock in his mouth for a few moments while Ianto's leg muscles spasmed. He let Ianto fall out of his mouth.

"You liked that, didn't you?" Jack kissed Ianto's thigh.

"Mm hmm," Ianto said too relaxed to form words. He took several deep breaths and found his voice. "That was amazing." He started to sit up and realized Jack's finger was still inside him. As if Jack knew what Ianto was thinking, he wriggled his finger.

"Nawwf!" Jack laughed at Ianto's exclamation.

"Have I found Ianto's new favorite thing or is that Jaunty talking?"

"If you don't take your finger out of my arse, you are going to give me a heart attack."

Jack pulled his finger outward slowly, but instead of removing it, he added a second finger and pushed both inside. He carefully avoided Ianto's prostate.

"Jack," Ianto moaned. "Please..."

"Is it too much for you," Jack asked. He kissed Ianto's thigh again then nipped at the soft flesh.

"Oh yeah, too much, way too much." Jack twisted his fingers. "Jack!"

"It's not too much. You just need to relax," Jack said scissoring his fingers. He tongued Ianto's scrotum and continued stretching him open for a few moments. He slowly pulled his fingers out and stood.

"Help me up, Jack. This table wasn't designed for this."

Jack took off his shirt and t-shirt.

"No, you're fine." Jack undid his trousers. He raised an eyebrow at Ianto and removed the rest of his clothes.

Jack bent down by the side of the table and kissed Ianto. Ianto wrapped his arms around Jack's back.

"Ianto," Jack whispered.

"Yes, Jack," Ianto replied trailing his hand down Jack's abdomen.

"I'm going to fuck your tight little ass until you can't remember your name." Jack sucked on Ianto's earlobe. Ianto struggled to sit up, but Jack held him down.

"I really don't think that's something I..."

"Trust me. You wanted to have a little fun, right? You liked my fingers." Jack kissed Ianto's ear. "You're going to love my dick." He fished a small bottle out of his pile of clothes pooled on the floor. He poured some liquid on his hand and coated his cock. "If we were in prison you wouldn't get this kind of prep treatment."

"I see you've thought about this," Ianto huffed gesturing at the bottle.

"Only every minute since I heard you were in the big house. If the team wasn't at the Hub, we'd be doing this in the shower room."

Between Ianto's legs, Jack sank to his knees again. He pushed a finger inside Ianto again. He stretched him some more and spread the lube. He added a second and eventually a third finger.

"Jack! Oooh! I really think...this isn't...my thing..." Ianto knew his protests sounded hollow as he groaned and bucked, chasing Jack's fingers as he removed them.

"It's going to hurt a little at first, but once you get used to it, all you'll be able to think about is how good it feels." Jack pushed his cock against Ianto's opening. "Nice, even, deep breaths." He manhandled Ianto's legs into a better position and pressed forward slowly.

Ianto's mind went blank. Tears welled up in his eyes. He was vaguely aware of Jack's voice telling him to breath. He was regaining coherent thought when Jack pulled back to the very edge slowly then pushed forward deep and fast. Ianto saw stars.

"You're so tight...so good...oh my God...Yan...to-oh..."

Ianto's eyes finally regained focus. He watched the rapturous look of concentration on Jack's face. His eyes were closed and his face flushed. Jack chewed on his bottom lip as he rocked in and out with a slow, steady pace. Seeing Jack so involved and intent made him moan. Jack opened his eyes.

"You like it," Jack asked punctuating the question with a hard thrust. His movements became faster. "Hard...to hold...back...Want you...uhmmmnnn...want to..." Jack pushed Ianto's knees towards Ianto's chest. Jack growled and pounded into Ianto.

Ianto grabbed the table over his head. It didn't hurt any longer, as Jack had said, but the sensation was overwhelming physically and emotionally. It did feel good mostly. He thought Jack might be right about it being his new favorite thing.

The fullness and rubbing against his prostate intermingled with sharp jabs at the gland was one thing. His mind was another thing. Jack always aroused strong waves of emotion in him, but this was like a tsunami. Maybe it was giving himself to Jack in a way he honestly thought he never would or maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the feeling of being possessed by Jack. It was probably a combination of things many of which Ianto didn't want to think about.

Regardless of what the specific trigger was Ianto felt lost and found at the same time. His love and hate for Jack was sharpened and even more polarized. His desire to be connected to someone collided with his need to be alone. He was too exposed while being smothered.

As his chest tightened, Ianto was aware of the result. He was on the verge of a panic attack.

"Fra...bos...zawk! Zahhhhh!" Ianto knew those words, whatever they really were, as Jack's orgasmic battle cry. The dichotomy between the pride he felt at bringing Jack to ecstasy and the shame he felt at being Jack's catamite was crushing him. After a final push and moan, Jack collapsed on top of Ianto turning the crushing sensation physical.

"That...was great," Jack mumbled against Ianto's chest.

"Can't...breathe..."

Jack unplastered himself from Ianto and stood. He held out his hand to help Ianto up from the coffee table. Ianto's sweat slick back stuck to the table with a near vacuum tenacity. He made it to his feet, but his legs wouldn't hold his weight. He collapsed on the carpet.

"Whoa! You okay, soldier?" Jack sank to his knees at Ianto's side and wrapped an arm around him. He reached for the discarded towel then eased Ianto back until he lay on the floor on top of the towel. Jack placed a hand on the center of Ianto's chest.

"Nice, even, deep breaths, Ianto," Jack said softly, but with a hint of amusement. "It'll be easier next time. The table wasn't my best idea."

"Can't believe we did that," Ianto said after what seemed to him to be an eternity. He was breathing easier, but his stomach was in knots. His internal turmoil was more under control, but it was replaced with embarrassment.

"Can't believe we didn't do that sooner," Jack said cupping Ianto's cheek. "Why don't we take a shower, maybe a little more fooling around, maybe a little nap, a little lunch, and then we can go back and you can clean up the mess from that time space vortex that opened in my room yesterday."

"You mean alien temper tantrum," Ianto said, briefly covering Jack's hand with his own. He wrapped his other arm around Jack and pulled him close. In spite of Jack's plan, he thought the shower could wait.


	12. AKA Jaunty, Tea Boy, or Office Shag

A/N: The "weird hobby" mentioned below is actually my hobby. Also, this chapter needs a better title. Suggestions are most welcome!

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Chapter 12 – AKA Jaunty, Tea Boy, or Office Shag

Ianto was dreading going back to Torchwood. It wasn't because of the mess Jack had made in his bedroom bunker. He was going to simply throw all the clothes in bags and drop them off with the cleaners. He'd grab Jack some clothes out of the surplus to use in the meantime. What he was dreading was the teasing. It started in Reception.

On the oversized map of Cardiff, someone had placed an arrow pointing from a wanted poster to the general location of the Tourist Office. The wanted poster consisted of Ianto's official Torchwood employee photo with a black cowboy hat superimposed on his head. "Wanted Dead or Alive – 'Jaunty' Jones – Reward £1.60 – Not considered remotely dangerous, just annoying," Ianto read. He decided to leave it in place rather than see what Owen would replace it with.

In the Hub, Gwen, Owen, and Toshiko were busy at their workstations. They didn't look up as he entered. He didn't buy it for a moment. They weren't really busy. They were waiting. He went to Tosh's workstation.

"Sorry Jack had to call you in this morning," Ianto said. "You too, Gwen." He looked contrite and somber. He doubted it would have any effect on Owen, but he hoped he looked too remorseful for Tosh and Gwen to mock him.

"I don't mind coming in early," Tosh began, "but it's the lies and gambling that hurt." She managed to keep from smiling for almost a full second. Hope and Ianto were still only passing acquaintances.

"Jaunty Jones," Gwen said running up to him and patting his sides, "I need to frisk you before I'll feel safe working in the same building as you!"

"And what kind of a crap gangster name is 'Jaunty'," Owen asked. "You cringe when I call you Tea Boy and you let people call you 'Jaunty'? Unbelievable!"

"You don't get to choose your own name," Ianto said defensively. "And I kind of like it. My friends think it suits me."

"You mean the geriatric group you were arrested with? Christ, you don't get up to some strange shit," Owen said laughing. "Next, we're going to find out you have some kind of weird hobby like collecting other people's home movies."

"Can't you make friends your own age," Gwen asked. "Poor thing, maybe we should sign you up for some after school activities."

"It's not his fault he has more in common with old people than kids his own age," Tosh said. "We should have started socializing him earlier."

"You really should be nicer to me," Ianto said. "I have some very dangerous friends."

"I wouldn't want them coming after me before they've had their afternoon nap," Owen joked.

"Look who's making a special appearance straight from Cell Block B," Jack said bouncing down the stairs. He grabbed Ianto around the waist.

"I already frisked him," Gwen said.

Jack let go of Ianto. Ianto looked at the others with a little panic growing. What was Jack thinking touching him like that in front of them?

"But you left the strip search for me, right," Jack said with a crooked smile.

"Harkness, you should have been the one arrested for public lewdness," Owen laughed.

"Well, I'd love to stay and be mocked for having friends by a group of loners and hermits, but I'm sure I've got some Weevils to feed," Ianto announced.

"We already fed your pets," Owen said. "That's just one more thing you owe us for. Next time you go on a crime spree, I'm calling off sick."

"Ianto has promised this won't happen again, right Ianto," Jack asked clamping a hand on Ianto's shoulder.

"Absolutely not, sir. I've paid my debt to society and I've learned my lesson."

"Excellent! Now go make me a cup of coffee. The rest of you, it's been a long day. Why don't you take off and get a head start on your evenings?"

By the time Ianto made the coffee and delivered it to Jack's office, he didn't see anybody in the Hub. He placed the mug on the desk and felt arms reach around him from behind. Familiar lips kissed the back of his neck while the arms pulled him closer.

"That was close! I didn't even think before I grabbed you out there." Jack's hands rubbed over Ianto's chest. "I just had to touch you! I can't wait to go back and look at the CCTV footage of Gwen feeling you up!"

"She didn't 'feel me up' more like 'pat me down'. I'm sure you would have been much more thorough."

"Oh yeah," Jack said fondling Ianto's body to demonstrate. "Maybe we should tell the team we're together instead of sneaking around." Jack nipped Ianto's ear. Ianto leaned back into him.

"And how's that going to look," Ianto asked already feeling his breathing become uneven.

"Who cares? Gwen already thinks you have a crush on me. Why not let them know it's mutual?"

Ianto turned in Jack's arms and hugged Jack back. It felt strange, but also right as if they belonged in each other's arms. He kissed him lightly on the lips.

"That will lead to a lot of awkward questions. I'm not sure I'm ready to be known as your office shag," Ianto said. Jack placed his head in the crook of Ianto's neck and shoulder.

"There you go again worried about what people will think. The team is going to figure it out sooner or later. They should have figured it out by now! Don't you want to see the look on Owen's face when he finds out we're lovers? Don't you think it would be great?" Jack kissed Ianto's throat.

"I can't think when you do that," Ianto said. "Why don't I clean up the chaos you made and then we can talk about it?" He didn't know what he would say later. The morning before, he thought his relationship with Jack was over. Now Jack wanted to tell the world, or at least Torchwood, about them. Ianto didn't think they were stable enough to go around making announcements. He didn't even know what their relationship was so the idea of explaining it to people didn't sound appealing. He didn't think Jack would appreciate Ianto asking him to explain it to him first.

Jack laved his tongue up Ianto's neck to his chin then kissed him. He let go of Ianto and turned to his coffee.

"Let me get a little caffeine and I'll help," he said taking a sip.

Cleaning up really shouldn't have taken more than an hour, but Jack insisted on "helping". Three hours later, Ianto was naked asleep on a pile of Jack's clothing. He might have stayed that way for hours, but he was awakened by Jack scrambling for clothes. He stretched and groaned vaguely wondering how long he had been asleep.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," Jack said grabbing a shirt and examining it for wearability.

"Glad you did. I'd be a wreck if I slept on your floor all night." He watched Jack put the shirt on and was made more aware of his nakedness. How did it always end up with him naked and Jack getting dressed? "Going someplace," he asked trying to sound only mildly interested.

"Yeah, I've got to meet a contact. It'll probably be a waste of time, but better safe than sorry." Jack bent down and kissed Ianto's forehead. "Don't wait up. As long as the Rift is quiet, you can help Dylan clean up his shop tomorrow. It's only fair since your notoriety is why he got caught in the raid, you crazy gunsel!"

"Have fun," Ianto said. But not too much fun, he added to himself. He watched Jack scurry up the ladder and a few moments later psyched himself up enough to get off the floor. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to fall asleep among the clutter. While part of him, his tired, sore body, wanted to go back to sleep on Jack's bunk, another part of him, his slightly compulsive mind, demanded he get to work cleaning before he rewarded himself with rest. With a heavy sigh, Ianto found his clothes and got dressed.

After Ianto finished bagging and replacing, he decided to lie down for a few minutes before going home. He woke up at 5am. He was disappointed there wasn't a nice, warm Jack next to him, but he wasn't really surprised. Disappointed, saddened, and frustrated – yes, but not surprised. He thought about tracking Jack as Jack had tracked him, but he didn't think Jack would see it as flattery as he had. On the other hand, as much as he liked spending time with Jack, he wasn't really in the mood to be ravished and Jack's libido usually dictated they couldn't be alone for more than 15 minutes until Jack started pawing him.

He did his morning Torchwood routine of cleaning, feeding, and percolating then left.

He went back to his flat for breakfast and a shower. He puttered around and finally left for Dylan's at 9. Ianto hoped he wasn't going to be too early. He imagined his new elderly friends would be having a lie in after their previous late night and difficult morning. Parking the Vespa behind the barber shop, he quickly realized he was wrong.

"To the right. No, your right," he heard Dylan say. Ice Cream was walking backwards out of the building holding up one end of what Ianto guessed was the remains of the door.

"Let me help you with that," Ianto said jogging over. He was surprised to find Dylan on the other end of the heavy piece of door. He helped them lean it next to the dumpster where several other pieces were already stacked.

"Thanks, Jaunty," Ice Cream said slapping him on the back.

Ianto smiled and bit back his admonition that they should have waited for him rather than do the heavy lifting at their age.

"I figure cleaning this up will save me a trip to the gym," Ianto said following them into the building.

"We've got most of it," Dylan said. Ianto was shocked to see they had. "Tom and Dave went to get a new door," Dylan said gesturing to the interior door leading to the barber shop. "We're going to have to replace the frame on the back door. Times like these I'm glad we have so many friends in the construction business."

"How's Dave doing," Ianto asked. He was a little concerned about the senior statesmen of the elderly gangsters.

"He's doing great! I can't tell you the last time I've seen him so happy," Dylan said.

"It's like he's got a second wind," Ice Cream added. "It's all thanks to you."

"To me?" Ianto didn't think that was likely.

"After Fred sprang us, he threw his weight around looking for some more info. He thinks they only raided the game because the cops thought our little social club was planning a merger with yours," Dylan said smiling.

"I'm really sorry about all this," Ianto said honestly. "If I'd known I was going to cause so much trouble..."

"Pshaw," Dylan interrupted. "We haven't had this much fun in years!"

"It's nice to have a bit of excitement," Ice Cream said. "Kind of makes you rethink the whole retirement thing."

Ianto smiled. He was glad they weren't angry with him. They cleaned up what was left of the debris from the raid. Ianto took off his suit jacket and rolled up his sleeves before going to work on the remains from the poker game and then the general tidying of the Man Cave.

Of course Dylan and Ice Cream teased him with the usual "you'll make somebody a good wife someday" jokes, but they didn't annoy him the way it did when Owen teased him. The difference, Ianto realized, was they liked him. He'd tried to be friendly with Owen, but it never got him anywhere. Owen didn't like him and every joke seemed laced with venom. 'Jaunty', however it was initially meant, was an endearment. 'Tea Boy' was a dismissal. Not being friendly with Owen didn't bother Ianto as much now that he had friends.

Tom and Dave arrived followed by two gruff looking men with the doors. Ianto had to admit Dave did look good. He was full of energy and supervised the door installation with hands-on verve. By lunch, Dylan's back room looked better than it had before the poker game.

Mick showed up with fish and chips and received plenty of good natured joshing about arriving after the work was done. They ate lunch and told Ianto a few stories about being arrested in the good old days.

After lunch, Ianto retrieved the box of cigars from the counter where he'd left them.

"I'm afraid I've already misplaced the lighter," Ianto said looking around the counter.

"Oo," Dave said fishing in his shirt pocket. "I nicked the lighter you nicked!" He tossed it at Ianto.

Ianto caught it with effort. He waved off having one himself, but lit the 'celebratory stogies' for his friends. He feigned handing the lighter back to Dave then made an exaggerated motion of putting the lighter in his trouser pocket. He had just sat down when they heard the loud bell over the front door. Ianto started to stand, but Dylan jumped up to investigate telling him to relax. He returned a moment later.

"Look who I found prowling about the shop," Dylan announced walking into the back room. The group turned and watched as Captain Jack Harkness followed him.

"Hi fellas," Jack said with a friendly grin. "I thought I'd stop by and see the scene of the crime." He stood behind Ianto's chair and grabbed his shoulders. "Having a smoke break?"

"Not me," Ianto said uncomfortably. He showed his empty hands. Jack laughed and slapped his shoulder.

"That's a good boy." He pulled up a chair. "Looks like the damage wasn't as bad as it sounded."

"You should have seen it before! Those cozzers broke both doors. We had to replace the frame and all on that one," Dylan said pointing at the back door.

"Luckily I have connections in the construction business. First real building they've done in ages," Dave said and the older men all laughed.

"And Jaunty polished up the place better than it's looked in years," Tom said winking at Ianto. "He'll make some gal a good homemaker!" There was more laughter.

"Speaking of, I hate to break up the party, but I need Ianto's special clean up skills." Jack stood and Ianto quickly did the same. "It's not the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon, but you know how it goes."

"Business before pleasure," Tom said standing. He shook Jack's hand then playfully boxed Ianto's ear. "Remember to protect the face," he said giving Ianto a spirited punch to the abdomen. Ianto was surprised at how hard he hit. Ianto put on his jacket and headed for the back door.

"I drove the Vespa. Meet you back at the Hub?" The room exploded with more laughter.

"Is it any wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend," Mick said shaking his head. "Vespa!"

"The Audi isn't exactly a chick magnet, either," Tom said.

"I told him to buy a sports car," Jack said joining in on the teasing, "but he doesn't think it's practical!"

"When he's up to dating again, he won't need a flash car to pull the babes, will ya Jaunty," Dylan said winking.

"I hope I have a bit more to offer than horsepower and chrome," Ianto said smiling.

"Right, keep telling yourself that, Ianto. Meet me at the Hub." Jack mimicked shooting Ianto with a gun and went out the way he came.

"See you guys soon. Call if you need any help," Ianto said waving to his friends. He hoped Jack had a good reason for not simply using his cell phone. He fumed over the interruption the first few blocks. He spent another few blocks thinking of ways to torture Jack. The rest of the way he concentrated on the vibrations from the Vespa and the growing need he had for Jack.


	13. And by 'Coffee' I Mean Sex

A/N: A friend of mine read the first three paragraphs and freaked out. Don't panic! Keep calm and carry on!

Frieda – thanks for the review! I get other people's home movies usually at tag sales and thrift shops, but since people heard I collect them, a few have sent me their old 8mm stuff when they convert it to digital. I just hope the Ghost Maker from "Out of the Rain" doesn't pop up some day!

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Chapter 13 – And by 'Coffee' I Mean Sex

Ianto hung his bike helmet on the hat rack in the Tourist Office and made a quick trip to his office. He was feeling...good, really good. He adjusted his clothes. They were too tight. He even loosened his tie. He pulled out a small mirror from his desk and checked his hair. He fluffed it a little with his fingers and noted his face was flush.

Great, Ianto thought rearranging his jacket, maybe they will be too busy looking at my cheeks to notice my crotch. As he locked the Tourist Office and made his way to the Hub, he thought about cricket. Instead of boring him to distraction, he thought about Jack wearing cricket whites which quickly led down the mental path of Jack not wearing cricket whites. By the time the cog door rolled open Ianto's only two thoughts were sex and hoping nobody noticed the obvious evidence that all he could think about was sex.

He didn't see Owen or Gwen, but Tosh was sitting at her workstation typing at a manic pace. She would occasionally stop and look at the Rift-a-Bric-a-Brac on her desk, but Ianto didn't pay any attention to it. He was mesmerized by the curve of her face. Ianto had noticed Tosh was a beautiful woman before, but he never thought about her as being desirable. From the first time Ianto had met Jack, all his libidinous thoughts and carnal energies were his alone.

"Hello, Tosh," Ianto said immediately angry he was drawing attention to himself.

"Hi, Ianto," she said barely looking up from her monitor.

"Care for a coffee," he asked.

"No, I'm feeling kind of wired as is," she said giving him a quick smile and returning to her computer. He watched her fingers and felt envy for the keyboard. He shook the thoughts away and headed to Jack's office. Hadn't he had really good sex the night before? Jack must be rubbing off on me, he thought followed by the obvious visual image of Jack rubbing off on him.

Jack was sitting at his desk and Ianto took a moment to look at him. He looked perfect. Ianto hadn't noticed it when he saw Jack only 30 minutes earlier, but Jack was looking amazing. He always looked great to Ianto, but there was something else. He licked his lips thinking how he couldn't wait to taste his Jack again. The use of the possessive momentarily shook him from his stupor. When did anyone ever get the idea they could own Captain Jack Harkness? Ianto knew he certainly couldn't.

He knocked on Jack's door frame. Jack looked up, slowly placed his pen on the desk, and smiled. Ianto felt like he was on the verge of drooling. What had gotten into him? God he wanted to get Jack into him. He bit the inside of his cheek hoping his thoughts weren't obvious.

"Coffee, sir?" It was his old standby. Afraid of what you might say? Offer a beverage. It had stopped him from saying all manner of inappropriate comments to the Team in the past and, like a muscle memory, the words sprang to the rescue once more without needing to be formed.

"Sure and bring one for yourself." Ianto turned to leave. "Oh, don't get one for Tosh. She's a little..."

"Wired," Ianto offered remembering Tosh saying that.

"I'd say manic, but wired works. No caffeine for her today!" Ianto smiled and noticed the smile on Jack's face change slightly. Jack cocked his head to the side. Ianto quickly left before he could be further mesmerized.

Ianto concentrated heavily on making the coffee. He was a little alarmed to find the scent further arousing him as his hand caressed the chrome of the machine. He pulled his hand away and shoved it in his pocket. He absent mindedly rubbed the lighter while he waited for the coffee. He hadn't felt like this before even with a nose full of Jack Harkness' signature musk. What had triggered it? He was fine until Jack came to Dylan's.

"Your coffee, sir," Ianto said entering Jack's office.

"Thanks. Can you make out what this says," Jack asked gesturing to a report on his desk. Ianto walked behind Jack, placed the coffee to the side, and leaned down. He didn't need to lean in practically putting his chin on Jack's shoulder, but he did. He inhaled deeply and fought the urge to kiss Jack's neck.

"I believe that's Owen's shorthand for 'extraterrestrial substance of unknown organic origin'," Ianto said. He put a hand on Jack's other shoulder and rubbed. "Also known as alien goo. You mentioned there was something you needed a hand with?" Ianto straightened, but couldn't bring himself to let go of Jack's shoulder. Instead, he brought his other hand up and began massaging Jack.

"Oh yes," Jack said leaning back. "I do recall needing your special skill set." Ianto increased the pressure and Jack moaned. "You know, Tosh can probably see."

"Are you suggesting we give her a show," Ianto said bending close to Jack's ear. "She might even be up for some audience participation to burn off all that extra energy."

"Ianto, that doesn't sound like you. I got the impression you didn't want anyone to find out about us. Now you want to have public sex?" Jack turned in his chair to face him.

"I'm quiet, not shy." Ianto stepped closer and grabbed Jack's shoulders from the front.

"You're not always that quiet," Jack said. His eyes trailed down Ianto's body. He looked back up to Ianto's eyes and smiled. "I think you're talking pretty loudly right now."

He reached out and put his hands on Ianto's waist. The slight touch made Ianto moan. Ianto moved Jack's hands to his ass.

"What do you want, Ianto," Jack asked squeezing. Ianto closed his eyes.

"You, please, Jack. I want you now, really bad. Suck me, fuck me, do anything you want, but I really need you to do it now." Ianto's hips were rotating slowly. Ianto opened his eyes and was pleased to see Jack staring at his crotch as if hypnotized. "Tell me what you want to do to me, Jack." Jack's eyes met his.

"Well," Jack said swallowing, "why don't you wait here while I tell Tosh to go home then we can come up with a list." He let go of Ianto's ass and stood.

Rather than move out of his way, Ianto stood firm. He grabbed fistfuls of Jack's hair and pulled him into a hard kiss. His desperate passion poured from his mouth. Jack grabbed Ianto's waist for leverage. After a long, heated moment, Jack pushed Ianto back. Both men were panting.

"Okay," Jack said rubbing his own hips, "sit down and don't move. Do as you're told and you'll get a reward." Jack licked his lips.

Ianto sat down in a visitor's chair and gripped the chair arms. He didn't think Jack would even have to touch him at that point. If Jack gave him the right look, he was going to come in his pants. The thought of that made him groan. Jack ran out of his office to Tosh's workstation. Ianto closed his eyes and tried to think of anything except what Jack would do when he came back.

What felt like a lifetime later, Jack returned, but he wasn't alone. Ianto looked up and smiled.

"Hi Toshiko," he said. He raked his teeth against his lower lip. "You look really lovely today! I'm sure Jack already told you that."

Tosh held up a device and pointed it at Ianto. She waved it up and down then asked him to stand. Jack looked over her shoulder at it.

"Thank you, Ianto. Can you stand up for me?" She was looking at him with wide eyes.

"I'd do anything for you," Ianto said standing.

Tosh smiled and looked away. She looked back at the device and waved it up and down again several times. She stopped at his groin. Jack looked at the readings and stepped back crossing his arms over his chest.

"It's the same energy signature, but it's concentrated differently," she said.

"I don't recognize it," Jack said looking concerned.

Ianto didn't know what they were talking about, but he feared it didn't involve getting naked.

"Ianto," Tosh said adjusting the device, "could you remove your trousers please?"

Jackpot, Ianto thought. Considering he'd never thought of Tosh sexually, the idea of undressing at her command was very arousing. He didn't think he could get any harder. His hands shook with anticipation as he quickly undid his belt and trousers. He slipped his shoes off then his trousers. He haphazardly folded them over and put them on the chair.

Tosh scanned up and down again once again stopping at his groin. Ianto's smile grew when her cheeks burned red. She then turned the device towards the chair.

"What would you like me to take off next," he asked. "Or is it someone else's turn," he quickly added. His eyes practically sparkled with lust.

"It's the trousers," Jack said in a half question. He stepped around Tosh and grabbed Ianto's trousers off the chair.

"I don't know if that's safe, Jack," she said.

Jack put his hands in the pockets and dumped the contents onto his desk. Tosh scanned them with the device. Ianto got the distinct impression the expected naked time wasn't going to happen after all.

"That's the source," Tosh said pointing at the cigarette lighter. Jack picked it up.

"Where did you get this," Jack asked. "I don't recall seeing it before."

"At that house last week." Tosh and Jack stared at him. "It's a nice lighter! It seemed like a waste to leave it in an abandoned house."

"So you've been carrying this around for a week," Jack asked.

Definitely not getting naked time.

"No, I brought it back here and threw it in my desk until I went to the poker game then I left it at Dylan's." Jack and Tosh exchanged a concerned look. Ianto snapped a little out of his haze. "It isn't dangerous is it? Dave's been using it!"

"Well, it got you to take your trousers off in front of Tosh," Jack said. Ianto blushed.

"Is it safe to put them back on," he asked motioning Jack to give them to him.

"It should be," Tosh said, "but you don't have to if you're more comfortable like that." Tosh smiled and Ianto felt his face burning redder.

"Yeah, don't get dressed on our account," Jack said handing him the trousers. He put them on, but he was still aroused and while he could now think of things other than sex he didn't want to.

"We should probably call Owen to come back and check him for any other symptoms," Tosh said adjusting the scanner. She looked puzzled. She adjusted it again.

"Symptoms?" Ianto didn't like the sound of that. He sat down to put his shoes on.

"You were acting like a sex starved maniac," Jack said, "and I know for a fact you've been getting fed regularly."

Ianto turned away from Jack and Tosh. He could hardly give Jack a dirty look or scowl for his indiscretion when he had been trying to wrangle a three-way. It didn't stop him from doing it so they couldn't see.

"I'm going to need the Gradion Mark VII Scanner," Tosh said pointing the device in her hand to her other hand. Jack peeked at the display.

"So you've been contaminated, too? Having any sudden urges to jump my bones," Jack asked.

"No," Tosh said ignoring him and his bones, "but it might explain why I have so much nervous energy." She pointed the scanner at Jack. "It's only picking up trace amounts on you." She pointed at Ianto. "And your levels are already dropping. I wish I knew what exactly they were levels of though."

"I'll get the Gradion Scanner for you," Ianto offered.

"No, I'll get it," Jack said. "I don't want you doing any heavy lifting while you're already carrying a pretty hefty package." Jack laughed. "Would it have been funnier if I'd made a 'wide load' joke?" Ianto shook his head at him as Jack ran down to lab.

"I can't believe you," Tosh said slapping Ianto's arm. Ianto was mortified.

"I am so sorry, Tosh! You know it isn't like me to go around hitting on you. Owen is going to have a field day with this!" Ianto sat back down in the visitor's chair. He couldn't look at Tosh. "As if it wasn't humiliating enough, Jack has to open his big mouth..." He trailed off. He wondered if they would leave him alone if whatever the contamination was made him ill. A little cancer was sounding preferable to more mocking.

"That's fine, Ianto. It was cute and you are under the influence of external forces beyond our comprehension." They both laughed.

"You've been watching Star Trek again," Ianto said.

"So," Tosh said pulling over another chair, "how long has this been going on and, more importantly, why didn't you tell me you were 'being fed regularly'?" Ianto covered his face not needing Tosh's reminder to completely recall Jack's comment.

"Not too long and I haven't told anyone." No, he thought, I left that to a not so rare species of Captain Harkness known as the wide mouthed Jack.

"You told Jack," Tosh said. Ianto looked at her. She looked a little hurt. He was confused.

"I didn't have to tell Jack," he said. She brightened a little and he was pleased that his confusion seemed to help her.

"Jack's very clever about things like that. About two years ago I went out on a date with an astronomer and somehow Jack knew the moment he saw me," she said. "He teased me about the Big Dipper for weeks!" Tosh reached out to pat Ianto's knee, but then pulled her hand back. "Sorry. Almost forgot about the energy problem."

"I'll let you in on a little secret," Ianto said. "Jack isn't nearly as clever as he or other people think."

"Clever enough to figure you out," Tosh pointed out.

"He's got a long way to go in that department," Ianto said keeping his voice light even though his heart was a little bitter.

"Where did you meet her?" Tosh said grinning. Ianto froze. Her? "Come on! Now that I know you have a new girlfriend you have to tell me everything! You should have told me sooner."

Oh, Ianto thought. She thinks Jack was talking about a third person. He almost laughed. Almost. Looking at Tosh who was clearly still a little hurt that he hadn't kept her in the loop of his romantic entanglements, he knew he had to tell her the truth. He tried to convince himself it would feel good to tell someone.

"We met in a park. It was the middle of the night and nobody was around. Well, there was a Weevil. I had to be the brave protector and jump to the rescue, not that I was all that helpful."

"She was being attacked by a Weevil? That's horrible!" Ianto laughed as Tosh's eyes bulged.

"Our second date didn't go very well, but on our third date we caught a dinosaur so that will always be 'our thing'." He laughed again. She punched his arm this time hard.

"I thought you were being serious! It's fine if you don't want to tell me. I just thought," she gestured between the two of them, "we were the sane, smart ones who needed to stick together. I suppose you have your new friends now."

"You are so good with the guilt," Ianto sighed.

"It's a gift," she said her eyes sparkling. He stood up and looked to make sure Jack wasn't nearby.

"Okay, this is a secret. You can't tell Owen or Gwen. You know how they are." Tosh nodded. He struggled with how to phrase it before taking a deep breath. "I'm sleeping with Jack."

"No!" Tosh looked at Ianto incredulously.

"Yes. It started a while back and it's...escalated. You know how things happen with him." He took another deep breath. "You have no idea how good it feels to tell someone." And it did. It was a relief.

"You're serious! Oh my God. Is it serious?"

"This is why I didn't want to tell anyone. No, I don't think it's serious. I'm just a convenient distraction, but sometimes he'll say or do something and I think maybe there's more to it. Like last week we were fighting."

"Is that why he was in such a mood," Tosh asked interrupting.

"No, but I don't think it helped. I'd like to think it did, but I'm not important enough for him to get upset about." Toshiko made a face at him, but he continued. "He apologized and said he was stressed out and taking it out on me. That made me feel like I was significant to him in some way. Luckily, my ego stayed in check because last night he left to meet somebody and didn't come back until sometime after I left this morning. I can't imagine how he had the strength unless he had a magic lighter in his pocket, too!"

"That sounds horrible!" Tosh looked at Ianto sympathetically.

"No, it's fine. It's just hard to explain. I think he wants to tell everybody, but what am I supposed to say? Owen will have an endless supply of new material about me having gay sex with the boss. Gwen will want all the details and act like she should have been consulted. And you, you get to see what an idiot I am because I don't know what kind of relationship me and Jack have or what kind I want."

"I don't think you're an idiot," Tosh said. "I think you're probably in over your head, but if you're enjoying yourself, so what? Life is too short, especially working for Torchwood, for us to sit back, play it safe, and be miserable instead of trying to have some fun."

"Does that mean you're going to ask Owen out," Ianto asked throwing up his arms to defend himself. They both laughed.

"No, but I never take my own advice."

"Giving out advice, are you," Jack said entering the room with a heavy looking piece of equipment that looked more like a weapon than a scanning device. He put it on his desk and shook his arms. "Advise me how I can get this thing back downstairs without pulling every muscle in my back."

"Magna clamp," Tosh and Ianto said at the same time. Jack had a blank expression for a moment than nodded and laughed.

"I told you he wasn't that clever," Ianto said loud enough to make sure Jack heard him.


	14. Is That An Alien Device in Your Pocket

A/N: Bear with me in this chapter. It's an info dump of tech babble. I hate it.

* * *

Chapter 14 – Is That An Alien Device in Your Pocket...

The Gradion Mark VII Scanner convinced Tosh the energy she and Ianto had absorbed was safe. She still wanted Owen to look them over, but he wasn't answering his phone. The contaminated pieces, which now included Ianto's key ring and Tosh's table top, were placed in separate containment boxes. After some discussion, it was agreed the energy was dissipating fast enough Ianto could keep his trousers although Toshiko and Jack both insisted Ianto could remove them again if he wanted to be on the safe side.

"That was thoroughly humiliating," Ianto said to Jack half sitting half leaning on Jack's desk. Tosh was setting up a program to monitor the contained pieces and search for the unusual energy signature in what she coined 'the Rift Zone'. Jack put his arm around Ianto's shoulder.

"I thought it was hot." Jack rubbed his hand a little before giving Ianto's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "At least Toshiko found it amusing and flattering. She could have been amused and revolted," he joked.

"Or angry, disgusted, and revolted," Ianto said glumly. Jack sighed, pushed back some papers, and sat on his desk.

"I can't imagine who would be anything but thrilled to have you pout those pretty lips at them! Who could resist you?" Ianto didn't detect the usual enthusiasm in Jack's words.

"You did a pretty good job of it," Ianto said.

"I knew something was wrong. I wouldn't take advantage of your junk being under the influence of Rift junk any more than I'd take advantage of you under the influence of roofies. Not that it was easy! When you put my hands on your ass and started that little grinding thing..." Jack shook his head. "We are definitely playing 'horny Ianto seduces Jack' when I'm sure it's just you wanting to play."

"At least the others weren't here. It was embarrassing enough in front of Toshiko, that poor woman."

"Did you see her? She's glowing and I don't think it's from the weird energy."

Jack's smile wasn't one of his usual 1200 watt 'grab your sunglasses' smiles. It was just his lips upturned encouragingly. Of all the smiles Ianto had catalogued, it was among his favorites. He leaned over and kissed the smile lightly.

"Careful," Jack said quietly. "If she sees us she'll think you like me."

"She already knows I do." Jack raised his eyebrows nearly to his hairline and Ianto had to chuckle. "I told her a secret and between that and having a new puzzle to solve is why she's looking so happy."

"What exactly did you tell her," Jack said leering.

"She had a few question about my sexual appetite being 'regularly fed' so I confessed."

"Confessed?" Jack put his hand on Ianto's thigh.

"Yep. Told her I was having an affair with the dry cleaner."

"I suppose that's a little better than the barber." Jack shoved Ianto playfully. Ianto pushed back.

"No, I told her about us," Ianto said looking serious.

"I guess we aren't a secret anymore," Jack said matching Ianto's tone. Ianto shook his head.

"She said she wouldn't say anything to the others and I don't think she will. She and Gwen aren't in the least chummy partially because of Owen and she isn't going to tell Owen because she knows I'd have to tell him about her crush on him."

Jack looked at Ianto perplexed. He started to speak twice before any words came out.

"I have about a hundred questions from that one sentence, but I'll put the gossip aside for now." Jack crossed his arms. "Are you embarrassed about us?"

"I'm not embarrassed," Ianto said covering his face with his hands. "I'm a private person. I don't like being the center of attention."

"But you told Tosh..."

"Because she was hurt I hadn't told her about my new girlfriend! I wasn't going to lie to her. She'd be even more upset when she eventually found out about us if I had." Ianto really didn't want to have this discussion. He was sure it wasn't going any place he wanted to be.

"Fine, so I should get to confide in Gwen now," Jack said. Ianto started to object, but Jack cut him off. "It's only fair. Why shouldn't she know we're lovers?"

"Maybe because it will put a damper on your flirting," Ianto suggested. "I know," Ianto quickly continued, "it's part of your personality and it isn't like we're a couple so I'm not criticizing you. I'm just saying as much as she doesn't think I understand when you are just flirting, I don't think she does either. If she knew you were with me, I'm not sure how she would react or overreact."

Jack leaned his head against Ianto's shoulder. It seemed like a more intimate gesture to Ianto than many of the things they did naked in the room below.

"We have a lot to fight about," Jack said with a small laugh, "but it can wait. Tell me what you told Tosh so I don't say something wrong."

"I didn't say much," Ianto said. He felt like crying at the resigned sound of Jack's voice. If it would make Jack happy, he could tell the others. Dread loomed heavy, as they say, he thought. "I told her we were sleeping together. I didn't give her any specifics. I was deliberately vague." He didn't add he was deliberately vague because he was almost as in the dark on the whole thing as she was.

"Are you sure she didn't already know," Jack said grinning clearly trying to lighten the mood. "We haven't been all that careful and the team does represent the best and the brightest."

"She was completely surprised," Ianto said confidently. "Gwen's the one I'm surprised about. She's a trained observer!"

"Oh she's got your number," Jack said. "She knows you have a crush on me."

"That's like pointing at a child and saying 'I bet he likes sweets.' Practically everyone who knows you fancies you."

"Go on," Jack encouraged.

"I would, but your ego is one of your least enticing traits. I know if I stroke it, it will only grow." Ianto stood and smirked at Jack. He pulled down his jacket and straightened his tie. "Now, sir, you had something you needed before my inappropriate display."

"Mr. Jones," Jack said laughing, "your ability to transform from a lust filled animal into a thoroughly professional man is astounding."

"I'll let you in on a secret, sir," Ianto said leaning into Jack's ear. "It's only superficial. On the inside, I'm still a lust filled animal desperate to tear your clothes off and use your body for my own perverse sexual pleasure." Ianto stepped back and flashed Jack a large, closed lipped smile. Jack growled.

"Great! Now I've got to pretend I have an alien powered lighter in my pocket!" He looked over the Hub and, apparently satisfied Toshiko in sight, leapt at Ianto manhandling him into a passionate, sloppy kiss.

Ianto didn't initiate the kiss, but he dominated it pushing his tongue into Jack's mouth. He pulled back and licked Jack's lips. Jack moaned and Ianto gave him a gentle peck.

"You are a wicked, wicked man, Ianto Jones," Jack said adjusting his suspenders.

"I'm sure you didn't go all the way to Dylan's just to tell me that, sir," Ianto said with another closed lip smile that couldn't hide the gleam in his eyes.

"Actually, I pretty much did. I was sitting here going over these reports and I thought this was way easier when I wait for them to stack up because you type up all the handwritten bits then organize them in just the right order so I don't get too many boring files in a row. That made me wonder what you were doing and I thought I'd rather help clean up with you than struggle to read Owen's chicken scratch." Jack shrugged. "Then I got there and you guys were done and kicking back relaxing. You looked so cute relaxing with your little old man posse I couldn't wait to have you all to myself. Of course, I didn't expect Tosh to be zapped and deciding to stay in the Hub or for you to be zapped and turning into a horndog."

"Sometimes I think you are only interested in me for the sex," Ianto said lightly, but feeling a pang in his chest.

"Only sometimes?" Jack smiled and the pang lessened.

"Then I remember you also like my coffee. I'll just get you a warm up," Ianto said bending and leaning unnecessarily to reach Jack's mug. "Meet you in the lab."

Ianto didn't bring a coffee for Tosh. He remembered how he'd felt energized in jail. He had written it off as adrenalin and fear, but now that he knew about the side effects of the strange energy he could only compare Tosh's liveliness to his. It wasn't hard to guess the reason his elderly poker chums had looked so lively wasn't just from the change in routine.

Tosh was showing Jack something attached to the containment box. Ianto handed a mug to Jack.

"Can I get you a decaf or a cup of herbal tea?" Ianto was pleased by the look of disgust on Tosh's face. He had successfully spoiled her for all substitutes.

"I'll pass," she said. "I was just showing Jack that even through the containment box, the original item, the candle holder, is expending more energy. The energy on the secondary items like the candle and that lighter is dissipating, but at different levels. I think it isn't just a matter of proximity, but the materials."

"How do we know the candle holder is the original item," Ianto asked.

"The metal is definitely alien. It seems to convert kinds of energy and radiation to the alien energy we've experienced. I don't think it is an alien décor accent piece. I think it's part of the engine for a spacecraft or something that requires this unique energy to run. Pure speculation, but whoever made it needed a way to convert background radiation and unknown energy sources to something more usable. This is part of a larger device. It doesn't do a very efficient job of collecting energy and a terrible job of storing it, but it does convert energy well."

"So it converts energy into alien energy, but since it isn't connected to anything it bleeds the new energy into whatever is handy," Jack said.

"That's my guess. Metal seems to hold the energy better, but here's the interesting thing. The candle is made of soy. It holds some energy, but mainly it acts as a conduit. The lighter is steel. Instead of just holding energy, it's been changed on a molecular level. It's begun acting as a converter as well."

"How is that possible," Ianto asked.

"I'm not sure, but it pulled in residual Rift energy, which seems to be the original devices preference, converted it, and held it for a while. It isn't a very good container either. So far, it looks like it automatically loses about 12% of the energy as it converts it. Another 20% is lost as it sits. Once the lighter reaches its peak containment, it dumps out most of the remaining energy and starts over. It isn't dramatically different, but it is drawing in less energy than it was when I first put it in the containment case. My supposition is that the longer it is away from the original device the more it reverts back to its normal state.

"I'm estimating that the last time it expelled the energy en masse was when it was in Ianto's pocket, hence his extreme reaction."

"But it is safe," Jack asked before Ianto could.

"Yes. It seems to be. It dissipates faster in organic substances like the candle and even faster in living substances like Ianto and me. I'd need Owen to verify, but the human body seems to take the energy and use it, not necessarily store it. For me, it seeped in through my hands. I'm not sure what the actual chemicals are, but looking at it from as objective a view as I can, it felt like an adrenalin rush."

"That's what it felt like when I was in jail." They looked at Ianto. "I thought it was adrenalin and the excitement of being arrested, but I was wide awake. We all seemed like we'd had too much caffeine and sugar," he explained.

"Ok, so it went off with a massive dose in Ianto's pocket and that stimulated testosterone production resulting in Ianto's primal urges," Jack elaborated.

"That's my guess, but..."

"But you'd need Owen to be sure," Jack interrupted. Tosh nodded. "I think we've officially reached the point where I've lost sympathy for him. Ianto, track Owen down. Toshiko, good work. How are you feeling?"

"Hungry," she answered, "and I suspect I will be very tired in about an hour."

"In that case, these things aren't going anywhere. Why don't you go home, get a nice dinner, and a long nap," Jack said patting her back. "I'll call you if anything comes up."

Toshiko smiled and started checking the monitors on the containment cases. Apparently satisfied, she left.

"I'll try calling Owen again," Ianto said turning to follow.

"Tell him to come in early tomorrow." Ianto turned back to Jack and raised an eyebrow. "It's safe enough for tonight. We should take advantage of any residual effects while we can," Jack said as if he was talking about switching to a more sensible mobile plan.

"Purely for research," Ianto said. Jack nodded. "It's scientific." Ianto pulled out his phone and hit a speed dial number. It went straight to voice mail. "Owen, we have an issue that requires a medical consult. Be in at 7...no, 8 am. Jack is furious. I'm just warning you, mate," he said imitating Owen. He ended the call.

Jack smiled. Ianto rapidly closed the distance between them and grabbed Jack with one hand on his head and the other on his hip. He wiped the smile off Jack's face with his mouth. He ground their pelvises together. Jack pushed him back.

"Are you sure it's you and not the alien energy doing this," Jack asked panting for air.

"Yep," Ianto said kissing Jack again.

"Are you really sure," Jack asked making eye contact. Ianto grabbed his hand and started to lead him back to his office.

"Yes, Jack. I want you, now, and I still don't care how." He paused and looked at Jack. "But not on a table. Anything, anywhere, but not on a table."

"Race you to my bunk," Jack said before running out of the room. Ianto quickly followed not really caring if he won the race as long as he came in a close second.


	15. Morning Regimen

A/N:

So much was supposed to happen in this chapter, but it turned out to be another Jack/Ianto chapter. As I've tried to rewrite the next few chapters, I think I've made them worse. This is a good example of that.

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Chapter 15 – Morning Regimen

Ianto stared at the ceiling above Jack's bunk and watched the lights reflecting off the water and onto the walls. He was absent mindedly playing with Jack's hair. As the alien energy wore off, Ianto had been hungry and tired. After sex, dinner, sex, story time, midnight snack, and more sex, it was finally time to get some sleep. Ianto had planned to go home, but Jack had convinced him, as only Jack could, that the sequence should continue with 'nap, sex, then home'.

Jack had crawled half on top of Ianto and, claiming Ianto's chest as his 'Welsh pillow', snuggled in and fell asleep. Ianto had fallen asleep quickly and his nap went on for over five hours. He didn't normally sleep five hours at a time even at home so when he woke up it didn't feel like a nap. He'd never seen Jack sleep so soundly or be so still. He hadn't moved an inch. There was something touching about that, but it was also unnerving. It had also put his left leg to sleep.

Somehow it didn't seem right. It was intimate and trusting. It gave Ianto that warm and fuzzy feeling he equated with love and affection. That wasn't how it was supposed to feel. It came down to the same old dichotomy of their relationship and its unstated nature. Jack had called them lovers. That was a place to start, but what did 'lovers' mean to Jack?

He ignored the pins and needles in his leg and tried to put his anxiety over the relationship aside. He concentrated on how good it felt to have Jack so close. He realized his fingers were brushing through Jack's hair and it made him smile. He allowed himself a moment to feel at peace. No sooner did he think how contented he felt than it was gone.

You're overthinking this, Ianto thought. That had always been his problem. Did it matter what they called their relationship or where it was going? Wasn't it enough that it felt good at moments like this? He decided it did, but knew the questions and doubts were waiting for him just under the surface.

He tried to roll out from under Jack, but Jack held him closer and nuzzled his chest. He was reminded of a child clinging to a teddy bear. In a flash Ianto knew. He adored Jack. He almost gasped. He didn't simply adore the things Jack did, but he adored him, the man. He bit back a laugh at the absurdity of it. Jack shifted slightly and Ianto used it as an opportunity to slip out of the bunk.

He found his trousers and Jack's shirt. He figured it was better than walking around naked on the off chance somebody came in. Padding over to the coffee machine, he found himself smiling. Even arguing with Jack, being arrested, and being contaminated by an alien energy source, this had been the best weekend he could remember having in years. Make up sex and bonding moments with friends more than made up for the inconveniences. Half humming/singing to himself, he made two cups of perfect coffee, kissed Jack's mug in a moment of light-hearted glee, and toasted two bagels.

"I thought you left," Jack said laying on his side and propped up on an elbow. Ianto finished awkwardly descending the ladder carrying the serving tray.

"Not yet," Ianto said reaching the bottom. "I made us coffee and bagels – salmon flavored cream cheese for you, wildberry for me." He smiled at Jack and was hit with a wave of disapproval. He stopped smiling. "Would you rather have something else?"

"You don't have to serve me." Ianto snorted.

"Since when?" Jack didn't look amused. "I wanted some coffee. If you don't want it, you don't have to drink it." Ianto took a deep drink. "Mmmm...that's a good cup of coffee." He walked over to the bed and sat down with the serving tray on is lap.

"I thought you'd have an issue with eating in bed," Jack said sitting up. Ianto was pleased he didn't sound quite as serious.

"It's not my bed," he replied. Jack took his cup off the tray. Ianto stood and put the tray down where he had been sitting.

"Aren't you going to have this meager breakfast with me?"

Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes and sigh. It was a good thing he adored Jack. Thinking that made him grin. He faced Jack and unfastened his trousers.

"If you don't mind, I'm going to take these off first. This fabric is a little scratchy without underwear."

"Really," Jack said sitting a little straighter.

Ianto let the trouser fall to the floor and stepped out of them. He turned to pick them up. He was gratified to hear Jack groan.

"Is that my shirt you're wearing?"

Ianto looked at Jack and then down at the shirt as if he hadn't noticed.

"I suppose it is! I must have grabbed it by mistake." He'd only buttoned the lowest four buttons. He slowly unbuttoned them as he talked. "Sorry about that. I hope you don't mind."

"No," Jack said smirking. "I knew you'd look good in my clothes."

"I'm not wearing braces. You can keep that little fetish in your fantasies!" Ianto tossed the shirt aside then looked pensively at the bunk. "I think prisoners get larger beds than this."

"You'd know," Jack quipped.

"Here, scoot up," Ianto said manhandling Jack into the middle of the bunk. He put the tray on Jack's lap then climbed behind him. Ianto propped a pillow between himself and the wall. Once he was comfortable, he pulled Jack against his chest. Jack looked back at him and Ianto kissed his temple.

"Are you comfy," Jack said laughing as Ianto reached around Jack for his coffee.

"Yep," Ianto said kissing Jack's shoulder. "It helps if I think of it as cozy instead of cramped."

"Well it was designed with the mundane and utilitarian in mind. It's meant to be a place to sleep. Alone," he added.

"Is that my hint to leave?"

"No," Jack quickly replied grabbing Ianto's knee. "It's about time you stayed all night. When I woke up, I thought you left without saying goodbye. I'm very pleased you only went to make some morning brew to go with a morning blow. Hey," Jack said as if he had an epiphany, "we should make that part of our daily routine!"

"I'll add it to the list," Ianto said. "Feed Myfawny, check overnight messages, make coffee, perform fellatio, open Tourist Office...yeah, I think I can fit that in."

Ianto chewed demurely on his bagel, silently chuckling as Jack devoured his. All thoughts of going home to clean up were gone. He toyed with the idea of telling Jack about his epiphany, but he didn't want to ruin things and he was sure telling Jack he adored him was asking for trouble.

Before he could rethink that decision, the phone in Jack's office rang.

"I'd better get that," Jack said climbing over Ianto's leg to get out of bed. "I'm expecting a call about a security leak in the Prime Minister's office."

Ianto watched appreciatively as Jack climbed the ladder naked. He finished his bagel and decided to take a shower. It wasn't quite 7. They didn't keep regular hours at Torchwood, but as a rule, Ianto was in by 7 even if they'd been working until 5. The others were less regimental, but as they hadn't had a late night, he expected Gwen and Tosh to come in around 9. After Diane and the Weevil mauling, Owen was even more unpredictable, but Ianto had left him a message to be there at 8 per Captain Jack's orders. He calculated that meant Owen would come in at 8:20. It would be close enough to the time he could blame traffic, but late enough he could maintain his rebellious streak.

He was startled to see Jack waiting for him in the tiny bathroom when he stepped out of the shower.

"I got these out of your locker," Jack said holding out Ianto's razor and shaving cream.

"Thanks," Ianto said smiling. He took them from Jack who was grinning and staring. "What," Ianto asked assuming Jack was going to say something provocative.

"Can I watch you shave?" That wasn't what Ianto was expecting.

"Um...sure," he said placing the items on the small sink. Jack hit a switch and brighter lights around the mirror came on. Ianto grabbed a towel and dried himself. He wrapped the towel around his waist. He'd never been watched since he learned how to shave and he found it a very strange feeling.

Ianto ran hot water over the razor and closed the sink stopper. He splashed some warm water on his face. He looked at Jack's reflection and was struck by his rapt attention.

"Was it bad news," Ianto asked taking the lid off the shaving cream.

"Was what bad news," Jack asked. He quickly nodded. "Oh the call. No, but it was a waste of time. Apparently the Minister of Defense was just curious if anyone would answer the phone at this time of morning. I should hate him, but there's something about the guy..."

Ianto nodded and layered the shaving cream on his face. He washed his hands in the sink and wiped his hands on his towel. When he looked up in the mirror he saw Jack staring again. He caught Jack's eye and Jack smiled. It made it slightly less creepy.

Ianto washed the razor a second time and brought it to his face. He pulled the razor down his left cheek. He swished the razor in the sink then pulled it down his right cheek. Jack made a sound and he remembered he was being watched.

"What," Ianto asked as he cleaned the razor.

"Do you always do that?" Ianto raised an eyebrow at him in the mirror. "Alternate sides," Jack explained.

"I guess so," Ianto said. "I haven't really put a lot of thought into it. Is that wrong?"

"No," Jack said shaking his head and grinning wider. "Usually men do one cheek then the other. It's very Ianto of you to keep the sides even."

"You've watched a lot of men shave, have you," Ianto said trying not to smile. He didn't want to cut himself as he shaved another swath.

"A few," Jack said pursing his lips. "It's been a long time since I've had to shave. There's something so manly about it." He licked his lips.

"Another one of your little kinks," Ianto said smiling. "I've got to keep an eye on you although I'm pretty sure you have an exhibition kink, too, so maybe that's a bad idea."

Ianto finished his cheeks and moved to his upper lip. He sucked on his top lip and pulled the skin taut. He started with the middle then took a swipe to the left followed by the right. He cleaned the blade and took two more passes. He looked up and saw Jack was still watching. He carefully shaved his chin. If he was going to cut himself this would be where it would happen. He was pleased when he made it through. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin Jack's show by bleeding or, worse, finding out Jack had another weird fetish involving styptic pencils.

He stretched his neck back and took his time pulling the razor up to his jaw. Jack's breath hitched. He finished with one stripe of shaving cream down the middle of his neck. He turned to Jack.

"Care to finish it for me," Ianto asked offering the razor to Jack. Jack's eyes were wide and his mouth slightly agape.

"Uh huh," he managed taking the razor. He shuffled behind Ianto. Ianto closed his eyes and let his head fall back. Jack nibbled and licked Ianto's ear.

Ianto could feel Jack's erection throbbing behind him. He was glad this wasn't a straight razor. Even so, he wondered if this was a good idea.

Jack dragged the razor up Ianto's neck until he reached his chin.

"Ianto," he breathed tossing the razor in the sink. Ianto turned and passionately kissed him. Jack pulled away first panting for air. Ianto laughed at the remnants of shaving cream transferred to Jack's face. He kissed Jack lightly.

"I adore you," he said before he could stop himself.

"That's because I'm adorable," Jack said smiling. He kissed Ianto's Adam's apple. "You're pretty adorable yourself."

Relief washed over Ianto. Jack wasn't upset. He'd told him and gotten away with it. Ianto was elated.

He kissed his way down Jack's torso until he had to get on his knees. Ianto stroked Jack's erection slowly. He leaned in and licked Jack's balls while he continued leisurely stroking. Jack's entire body shuddered. Ianto sucked on each of his testicles in turn then turned his oral attentions to Jack's cock.

Ianto pulled Jack's foreskin back and lapped up the precome leaking from his tip. Jack and Ianto both moaned. Ianto sucked the tip and pumped him into his mouth. He groaned around Jack and was rewarded with another full body shudder. Ianto had to hold him firmly to keep him in his mouth.

He felt Jack's fingers in his hair. He pulled back and flicked his tongue back and forth against Jack's slit. He slapped Jack's erection against his newly shaved cheeks. It was too much for Jack and Ianto barely got him angled towards his mouth before he came. He caught the ejaculate on his tongue and swallowed. He gave Jack's cock a final kiss and stood.

Jack kissed Ianto exploring his mouth with his tongue. He reached down and grabbed Ianto's cock.

"I think you need another shower," Jack said stepping back towards the shower pulling Ianto along by his dick.

"I do feel like a dirty boy," Ianto said following Jack into the cramped shower stall.


	16. Minding Somebody Else's Business

A/N: Two hundred readers have successfully made it through the first 15 chapters! I applaud your tenacity!

If you are enjoying this story, you might enjoy Village-Mystic's "Ianto's Jaunty Daydreams" for her take on what Ianto was thinking in chapter 13 and what he and Jack got up to that evening!

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Chapter 16 – Minding Somebody Else's Business

Ianto and Jack were sharing a second cup of coffee in Jack's office when they heard the entrance alarm. Ianto picked up a clipboard and Jack held a pen over a report.

"I need it taken care of," Jack said winking at Ianto.

"I'll do the best I can, sir," Ianto said giving Jack his poutiest smile. He stopped when he heard Owen walking on the metal walkway.

"Make sure you do," Jack said sounding serious.

They both looked up at Owen as he knocked on the door frame. Ianto noted it was 8:22. He was quietly pleased his calculation was so close.

"Anything else, sir?" Ianto kept his face emotionless, but inside he was laughing. He loved sharing in-jokes with Jack. They'd have a good laugh about this later.

"No, but don't go far. Owen's going to have to examine you once I'm done with him." Jack slapped his pen on his desk.

Ianto stood and faced Owen. He mouthed "good luck" as he passed him.

"Close the door," Jack called after him.

Ianto gave a little bow and closed the door. He heard Jack yell something. He let himself smile as he headed to check Myfawny's water dish.

Fifteen minutes later, Ianto heard Jack bellow his name. He scurried down to the main level of the Hub. Owen and Jack were waiting for him. Ianto noted Owen's posture was stiff yet slumped. He hoped the medic wouldn't take his bollocking out on him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't available when you were looking for me yesterday, Ianto," Owen said without any enthusiasm. "It was very unprofessional of me," he said more convincingly. "Come on down and I'll give you a full exam."

"Apology accepted," Ianto said. "I checked earlier. No sign of the alien energy."

"Yeah, but who knows what that stuff did to you or what kind of side effects you might still experience. Come on," Owen said grabbing Ianto's arm and leading him to the Autopsy area.

Ianto looked back at Jack who was slowly following them. He was smirking. Ianto narrowed his eyes at him and Jack feigned being hit in the heart.

"This really isn't necessary," Ianto said following Owen down the stairs. Jack stayed on the upper level, but leaned over the railings.

"Wish that was true, Tea Boy, but you have a history of not being forthcoming with problems," Owen covered the autopsy table with a sheet.

Ianto's eyes narrowed at the sound of Owen's nickname for him. He pushed down the urge to say 'I'm Ianto 'Jaunty' Jones and I'm more than just the fucking Tea Boy!' He knew it would only spur Owen on to call him something more demeaning like Coffee Kid or more dismissive like Eye Candy. He'd hate that.

"He's right, Ianto," Jack said smugly. "You are terrible about admitting when you are in pain. Owen will whine about being uncomfortable at the drop of a hat, but you've walked around with broken ribs not even letting us see you grimace."

"So you want to see me grimace," Ianto asked putting his hands on his hips in indignation.

"No, but we want to see you healthy," Owen said. "Kit off then up on the table." Owen put on his lab coat.

"Excuse me?" Ianto was sure he misheard.

"We want to see you naked," Jack said. "You can grimace while naked if it makes you feel better."

"I'm giving you a full examination. Didn't that energy affect your wedding tackle? I'd think you'd want a doctor to take a look to make sure Thunderbirds are go," Owen said setting a needle and vials on a surgical tray.

Ianto grudgingly removed his tie.

"Take it off," Jack said putting his hands around his mouth like a megaphone.

"There's a cover charge and a two drink minimal to see the Tea Boy strip," Owen said sarcastically.

"Who do I pay," Jack said rubbing his hands together.

"Captain Harkness," Owen said testily, "I'm sure you would love the opportunity to ogle young Jones here in the altogether, but why don't you do something helpful like keep an eye out for Tosh and Gwen so they don't accidentally stumble down here and go blind?"

"I can hear them from here," Jack said playfully. Ianto gave him a pleading look. "I do have some requisitions to go over. Don't hesitate to call me if you need help or a witness. Don't worry, Ianto. I'm sure Owen will be gentle."

Jack finally walked away and Ianto took off his jacket. Owen jogged up the steps and then came back down.

"Okay, he's in his office. It's safe to take your clothes off."

Ianto gave Owen a confused look as he started undoing his cuffs. He didn't want to undress in front of both Owen and Jack, but it wasn't a safety issue. He just didn't want his recreational life colliding with his medical exam which was directly linked to his professional life. He didn't want Jack to see him naked later and think about the autopsy table and Owen. He certainly didn't want to risk responding to Jack leering with Owen watching.

"I know you can handle Jack's flirting. Honestly, I'm impressed with how well you let it roll off your back, but I've noticed lately Jack's got a little more frisky," Owen said.

"Frisky?" Ianto did not want to have this conversation with Owen, but he couldn't keep from saying it.

"Literally. The other day when he grabbed your waist and Gwen thought he was going to frisk you, I thought he was going to molest you right there! Don't tell me you haven't noticed because you notice everything. Jack's innuendo has reached new levels. He looks at you like you're an oasis and he's dying of thirst. He's always been Mr. Touchy Feely, but it's almost like he can't keep his hands off you." Owen crossed his arms. "You can tell him to knock it off. This isn't like a proper job, but you can tell the boss not to grope you or talk about your arse."

Ianto was amused by the contrast between Owen and Gwen. He wondered what it said about them that Gwen thought Ianto was a lovesick idiot and Owen thought Jack was a sex crazed maniac. He was also very curious about what Jack might have said about his arse.

"It's okay, Owen," Ianto said pulling his trousers off carefully over his shoes.

"It's probably best to nip it in the bud, mate. Jack's trying to show you how much he likes having you on the team. He just doesn't realize that it comes across the way it does," Owen said putting on a pair of gloves.

"I don't mind, really, I don't. I think it's better to be objectified than ignored."

"You need to go out and get laid. Maybe one of your new friends has a hot nurse or something."

Ianto weighed how much he wanted to say. In truth, he didn't want to say anything, but he felt he had to.

"I like the attention." He tried to make eye contact, but Owen closed his eyes and shook his head. "From Jack," Ianto added. "Don't you get any funny ideas!"

"Gwen called it," he said. "She said you had a thing for Jack. Do you know how screwed up that is?"

"Yep," Ianto said without needing to think about it. It didn't matter if he was referring to Gwen gossiping about him or about his relationship with Jack. 'Screwed up' covered it.

"Let's get on with this before I decide you need a psych consult," Owen said grumpily shaking his head again.

After being poked, pricked, prodded, and scanned, Owen announced barring anything abnormal showing up in the bloodwork, Ianto was physically fine, but mentally the jury was still out and he still had a terminal case of poncey wankerism.

"You couldn't call me over to tell me that two minutes ago," Jack said gesturing at Ianto who was finishing buttoning his shirt. "I guess I'll have to watch the rerun on CCTV."

Before Owen could reply, the alarm sounded and the cog door rolled open. Tosh went straight to see what Jack was looking at in Autopsy.

"Feeling better," Tosh asked smiling wider than usual.

"Completely back to normal," Ianto said smiling back.

"Now it's Tosh's turn," Jack said putting an arm around Tosh. "Give her the works, Owen."

"That won't be necessary," Tosh said firmly.

"Oh no", Ianto said marching up the stairs. "If I have to tolerate Owen then so do you. Pretend he's McDreamy or McSteamy." Ianto looked back at Owen. "Or Quincy." He turned back to Tosh and they had a heated conversation using only their eyes and a subtle jerk of the head. Ianto apparently won.

"Fine, but it's a waste of time. Ianto received a much higher dose of the energy than I did," she said trudging down the stairs.

"Better safe than contaminated," Ianto said bending over the railing next to Jack.

"Oi! Do I have to go through the whole privacy speech again?" Owen looked from Jack to Ianto and back. Ianto straightened and held his hands up. Jack put his hands in his pockets and turned away.

"I guess I could work on those requisitions," Jack said.

"Yep. I need to call about last month's UFO sightings," Ianto said following Jack as he walked towards his office. Jack turned and winked at Ianto before going into his office. In spite of the living temptation that was Jack Harkness, Ianto managed to smile back and continued on his way to Reception.

"Good morning," Ianto said as they mirrored each other's movements making it impossible for Gwen to get out of the elevator and for him to get in. He stood aside and bowed gesturing for her to go first.

"Morning, can I get a coffee, Ianto?"

No, Ianto thought, you can get the hell out of the lift though.

"Sure," he actually said. He turned back the way he came. "Jack's in his office. He can fill you in on the latest. We had a bit of excitement yesterday." Hot, sweaty, passionate excitement, Ianto mentally added. "I'll bring your coffee." He smiled old reliable, servile patience no. 2.

Gwen smiled back and all but ran to Jack's office. Ianto gracefully crossed the Hub deliberately providing a counterpoint to what he thought of as Gwen's clomping. He knew he was being petty, but there was something about her that brought it out in him. Feeling guilty, he made the coffee and dropped it off without another word. He went to his office, but kept the Tourist Office door locked, and caught up on some of his work.

Ianto came out of his office when he heard the hidden door pop open. He leaned against the door frame and a few of the strands of his beaded curtain trailed in front of him. Jack was the first one through the door and he gave Ianto a long appreciative look up and down. Ianto was glad Owen hadn't seen that look! It put Jack's casual, flirtatious glances to shame.

"Move it, Harkness," Owen said and Jack came into the Tourist Office quickly followed by Owen and Gwen.

"Ianto! Grab your coat," Jack said boisterously. "One of the signals Tosh was tracking is moving.

Ianto struggled to not groan out loud. He didn't like field work. He tried to muster up some enthusiasm for Jack's sake, but he'd had enough terror and adrenalin to last him a lifetime. His biggest fear was freezing and causing one of the team to be injured. In spite of Tosh's assurances, he still felt he'd let her down with the cannibals. Ianto didn't let any of that show on his face. He simply nodded and grabbed his coat.

It can never be easy, Ianto thought as they drove towards the signal. It wasn't far away, but the problem was pinpointing it. The equipment Tosh was using remotely wasn't specifically designed to track the newly discovered energy type. The best they could do was a five block radius. They had hand scanners that didn't have a very large range, but would be able to help them narrow things down once they were on foot. In theory.

In actuality, they knew the signal had moved in a generally Northern direction, but very little else. They didn't even know the exact origin point. It was easy for Tosh to match the fading energy signatures to known locations like the original house and Dylan's Barber Shop, but pinning down the signal that was still growing and now moving was a different story.

The four of them stood on the sidewalk looking at the two scanners. Jack made a few adjustments, but it didn't seem to help.

"Okay, well we can go that way," Jack said pointing to his left, "or that way," he said pointing to the right. "Looks like we split up. Ianto with me. We'll go left." He handed a scanner to Owen. Owen handed it to Gwen.

"Why not have Ianto and Gwen go left. We can go right," Owen said. Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Gwen said grabbing Ianto's arm. "Ianto and I never get to spend time together."

Ianto looked desperately at Jack. This was not the time for Jack to lead via democracy. Ianto had the distinct impression he was being set up for something unpleasant.

"And it will give us a chance to talk about some ideas I have for updating our medical equipment."

"Fine," Jack said after a long pause pulling the second scanner out of Ianto's hands carefully perhaps lingering a little too long. "Keep your eyes open. We don't know what this thing is." Ianto and Jack exchanged a brief look and the two pairs went in their separate directions.

After the first block, Ianto decided it wasn't so bad. It helped, he reckoned, that he assumed it would be horrific, painful, and possibly nauseating. Instead, he showed Gwen how to use the scanner and walked next to her occasionally looking at the display.

That changed during the second block.

"So Ianto," Gwen began slowly, "I wanted to have a word. Well, several words."

Damn. It. To. Hell. Ianto tolerantly smiled.

"I know everyone thinks it's cute you have new friends, but even aged criminals are still criminals."

Ianto was relieved it wasn't about Jack, but he was offended by her tone.

"They are nice, older gentlemen with checkered pasts," he said. He didn't think it was any of her concern.

"Checkered pasts? That's naïve even for you."

Ianto shoved a fist in his pocket. He didn't think of himself as the type of man who would hit a woman, but he was having all kinds of personal revelations lately.

"I looked them up and these guys did a lot of bad things. Just because they aren't behind bars doesn't mean that isn't where they belong. They committed serious crimes!"

"Sure," Ianto said calmly. "I don't know if Tom even remembers how many people he's killed. Dylan still takes bets from a select clientele. Mick and Dave had this petrol scam that was brilliant! Ice Cream got his name because he had this walk in freezer..."

"Ianto!" Gwen cut Ianto off and stopped walking. "Would you listen to yourself? You sound like you respect them! Don't you realize how cruel these people are?"

Echoes of his conversation with Jack about Theo, one of Torchwood's more colorful past employees, resounded through his mind.

"I like them, not what they did. I can't go back and stop them from killing someone or undo a protection scam."

"If you honestly believe they aren't those people anymore..."

"No," Ianto interrupted, "I know they are those people. If Tom could, he'd accept a contract right now. If it wasn't for Mick's arthritis, he'd up to all kinds of mischief. And I'm pretty sure Ice Cream still owns that freezer. They aren't perfect by a long shot, but they like me. They accept me. I return the favor."

Gwen shook her head, but didn't comment. She seemed to be steeling herself for something else.

"I know you are reaching out to them because you are lonely." She gave him one of her sympathetic smiles that reminded him of a Disney villain. "I also know that's why you are reaching out to Jack."

There it was, he thought. He knew it would eventually swing around to being about Jack and what Gwen thought was the way the world was supposed to be.

"I don't want to discuss it, Gwen," Ianto said emphatically. Gwen grabbed his arm.

"I know Jack's lonely, too. That's why you need to be careful. I think it's great he's been able to forgive you and you've come to understand his point of view. It's created a kind of connection, yeah? It might feel like you have a special bond, but it's just loneliness and understanding." She pat Ianto's arm.

"I haven't a clue why you are telling me this or why you think I should care about your opinion," Ianto said smiling back and removing her hand.

"Because I'm your friend and I don't want your infatuation to lead to heartache." Before Ianto could object she continued. "Owen told me you admitted you like Jack. I think it's only a matter of time before things get out of hand."

"Out of hand," Ianto repeated skeptically.

"I'm telling you this because I see a pattern forming, Ianto. You put people up on a pedestal. Lisa, Jack, Dylan, Tom..."

"Dave," Ianto said.

"Dave," Gwen said adding him to her list. "You can't..."

"No," Ianto said interrupting her again and looking at the scanner. He pointing in front of him and waved. "It's Dave."

The elderly man waved back and continued walking towards them with an evident spring in his step.


	17. Dave the Philosopher

A/N:

I finally decided to rewrite this portion of the fic from here to the end in an attempt to keep the lighter tone of the previous chapters. I should be back on the usual posting schedule unless someone points out a major problem. Thanks again for reading, reviewing, subscribing, faving, etc.!

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Chapter 17 – Dave the Philosopher

Ianto double checked the scanner's display as he and Gwen walked towards Dave. Gwen tapped her earpiece activating the Comm.

"Jack, we've found the source. Looks like it's one of Ianto's questionable new friends," she said.

"We're at 517 Dorset," Ianto said glancing at an awning for the address.

"On our way," Jack replied.

They reached Dave and he enthusiastically shook Ianto's hand.

"Jaunty Jones! Fancy meeting you here – out for a morning stroll with a beautiful young woman!" Ianto suppressed a laugh at the idea of him being with Gwen as opposed to simply being in the same location as her.

"Dave, I'd like to introduce you to a colleague of mine, Gwen Cooper. Gwen, this is Dave Members. I do not recommend playing cards with him unless you've brought cash and plenty of it." Ianto clapped Dave on the shoulder. He was glad Tosh and Owen had declared the alien energy to be safe. Based on the readings from the scanner, Dave was swimming in it.

"Miss Cooper," Dave said taking her hand and kissing it. "I am charmed to make your acquaintance. We certainly didn't have beautiful women such as you as colleagues in my day. More's the pity!"

Ianto chuckled as he saw Gwen blush. He could imagine Dave being quite the charmer in his day.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Members," Gwen said pulling her hand away slowly.

"Call me Dave! So what are you doing out this way this fine morning?"

"Meeting some other colleagues for an early lunch," Ianto said remembering the diner two blocks ahead.

"Oh I just came from a lovely brunch kind of thing. I ate more than I have in a week! I was going to walk off some of those calories. Wouldn't want to ruin my figure," Dave said elbowing Gwen.

"You certainly seem full of life today," Ianto said enjoying the discomfort Gwen was clearly feeling.

"I am! You know, ever since we were arrested the other night, I've felt better than I have in years. And," he added conspiratorially, "I know what's caused it!"

"Really," Gwen said meekly.

"Yes, indeed." He fished in his shirt pocket and pulled out a metal container. He pushed a button and it flipped open. "Care for a fag?" Ianto and Gwen both declined. He pulled a cigarette out of the case and placed it delicately between his lips before closing the case. "The secret is to live your life as you want to live it not clinging miserably to every minute!" He lit the cigarette with a match. "I gave up smoking 12 years ago because it wasn't healthy. Guess what? I've missed it almost every day! It occurred to me when we were smoking at the poker game that those little moments like sharing a puff with friends are the important ones."

"You were smoking," Gwen said backhand slapping Ianto's stomach. "Jack's going to kill you!"

"Already took my punishment, thanks," Ianto said returning his attention to Dave. "So you've taken up smoking again?"

"Yep. See, at this point in my life, I know I don't have a lot of time left. When I'm on my death bed will I be thinking about how much I'll miss plain oatmeal and decaffeinated coffee or will I be wishing I could have one more greasy plate of bacon and eggs with a large cup of Joe and a cigarette for after? Not enjoying myself today will earn me what? An extra few hours in a nursing home? No thank you! I'll take my creature comforts now while I'm still of sound mind!"

Ianto couldn't agree more with Dave's philosophy. He knew that feeling of living on borrowed time. If he didn't believe his time was short he never would have started his relationship with Jack. He jumped into Jack's arms thinking 'seize the day for tomorrow may not come'. He respected Dave's decision to eat unhealthy foods and smoke if he wanted to. If Ianto ever made it to be Dave's age he was sure he'd be the same way.

"That's fine," Gwen said, "but there's no need to court the Grim Reaper! Maybe you should try enjoying your creature comforts in moderation? I'm sure you'd enjoy them more as special treats!"

"Hrmphf," Dave scoffed gesturing with the cigarette case still in his hand. "Now I know why we didn't have female colleagues. I bet she's got an opinion on everything, eh Jaunty?"

"You have no idea, Dave," Ianto said.

"He has no idea," Jack said at the same time over the Comm.

A moment later, Ianto saw Jack and Owen turn the corner of the block behind Dave. Owen was looking concerned over the scanner. Jack and Owen exchanged a few words, but Ianto couldn't make them out. He wondered why they had muted their Comms.

"Dave," Jack called out as they approached. Dave turned around and gave Jack a hearty handshake. "I didn't expect to run into you again so soon."

"Normally you wouldn't have, but it's such a lovely day I decided to go for a walk, then breakfast, and now another walk." Dave's smile beamed even through his somewhat discolored dentures. "I've been up for hours. I can't tell you the last time I felt so alive!"

"You certainly look good," Jack said returning the smile.

"This is Dr. Owen Harper, another colleague," Ianto explained gesturing to the medic. "Owen, this is Dave Members. He's one of my poker buddies." Owen's wiry frame seemed to tremble under the onslaught of Dave's handshake.

Jack engaged Dave in an animated conversation while Owen surreptitiously scanned him. He focused on the cigarette case Dave still had in his hand. Owen looked a little puzzled and pointed the scanner at Dave trying to keep it unnoticed behind Dave's back while he scanned him up and down.

"We really need to get going, Jack," Owen said after he finished his scan.

"Right," Jack said. He shook Dave's hand. "It was nice seeing you again."

"It was nice seeing you and nice meeting your colleagues," Dave said winking at Gwen.

"Do you need a ride or anything," Ianto asked. Even though they'd assured him the alien energy was harmless, Ianto didn't like to think about the elderly man being assaulted by it.

"I'm fine, Jaunty! Like I said, feeling great! In fact, if you've got the nerve and the money, why don't you stop by Dylan's tonight and we'll play a few hands of Follow the Queen," Dave suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," Ianto said shaking Dave's hand and patting his upper arm warmly.

"Great! I'll see you around 7." Dave gave another wave and continued walking down the sidewalk. Ianto noted he was walking faster, straighter, and steadier than he had when they left the jail. He didn't look like the frail, little old man he had.

"Amazing what a little alien tech, a night in jail, and a positive attitude will do," Ianto said after seeing Dave turn down a side street.

"How are we going to get the cigarette case from him, Jack," Gwen asked. Ianto didn't need to look at her to know she was doing that annoying eye lash batting thing she usually accompanied Jack's name with.

"No need," Owen announced. It has some residual energy on it, but it's not the real source we've been following."

"Then what is," Jack asked.

"It seems that old man has an internal artificial pacemaker."

"Oh God," Ianto said. They couldn't rip the man's chest open! Was the energy still safe? He felt horrible. He felt guilty for exposing the aged gangster to something he otherwise never would have encountered.

"Don't worry, 'Jaunty'," Owen said over enunciating the last syllable. "I reckon it'll be safe enough. He's feeling good. The device might spill some energy out, but not enough to convert any other objects into energy producers. His body is absorbing most of it."

"Right," Jack said clapping his hands together. "Let's get back to base. Ianto, you'll need to keep a closer eye on Dave, but it sounds like this might be a good thing for him. Owen, work with Tosh to verify your contamination theory. I don't want to do nothing then find out Dave's pacemaker turned half of Cardiff into an energy converter."

"What about me, Jack," Gwen asked smiling.

"Looks like you and me are going to be hanging back on this one," Jack said smiling back. Ianto mentally gagged as Jack and Gwen looked at each other.

Back at the Hub, Ianto made a quick coffee round and suggested fish and chips for lunch. Nobody objected so he called the Fish and ordered their usual fare.

"Hang on, I'll go with you," Jack said jogging over to the cog door Ianto was about to walk through.

"You don't have to, sir," Ianto said hoping Jack realized he was glad for any excuse to be near Jack.

"I'm feeling a little restless and it's not like I'm doing anything useful," Jack replied. "And don't say I have paperwork to do because we both know I'm a man of action!" Jack leered and Ianto had to turn to keep everyone from seeing his face contort as he tried not to laugh.

"I could go with you, Jack," Gwen said leaning against a railing. "I'm sure Ianto wouldn't mind staying and working on his tourist stuff."

"No, stay and watch the Rift," Jack said quickly pushing Ianto through the door. He continued pushing him along until they were in the elevator.

Jack didn't wait for the doors to close before he grabbed Ianto and kissed him desperately. One hand latched onto Ianto's arse and the other started on the back of his neck, but trailed to his clavicle by the time they pulled slightly apart.

"Owen mentioned you didn't seem to be able to keep your hands to yourself lately," Ianto huffed before kissing Jack again.

"I can't even blame having extraterrestrial energy in my pants," Jack said before licking Ianto's lips. "Does it bother you?"

"No," Ianto said. He put a hand on Jack's cheek and kissed him slowly, teasing Jack's mouth with his tongue. "I just wonder why." He gave Jack a quick peck and exited the lift.

"I don't know," Jack said following him out of the lift and into Reception. "Is it really such a puzzle why I'd want to touch you? It's like if I really liked popcorn. Would I eat one kernel and quit or would I want a hand full? The more I touch you, the more I want to touch you. I've been remarkably restrained, but I'm tired of the Ianto-free diet. I'm ready to binge!"

He pushed Ianto against the door leading out of the Tourist Information Center. Ianto put his hands up to push Jack away, but Jack grabbed his wrist and pinned them against the door. He pressed his body from shoulder to thigh against Ianto.

Ianto knew he could push Jack off him if he really wanted to, but he didn't. He liked how it felt to be all but consumed by Jack. He thought of Dave's philosophy and decided to enjoy the moment while he could. He tried to kiss Jack, but Jack pulled his head away.

"You're so beautiful and brilliant and thoughtful and sexy and the way you don't try to be or seem to know you are turns me on. You drive me wild, Ianto Jones." Jack rolled his hips against Ianto's. "I know you want me as much as I want you." Jack kissed him gently, but didn't loosen his steel grip on his wrists. "We've paid our dues," he said trailing tiny kisses along Ianto's jaw and onto his neck. "We deserve to be happy. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be together now." Their eyes locked.

"CCTV," Ianto said. Jack stared and then laughed. Ianto loved the sound and smiled.

"That would be one way of letting the team know," Jack said nuzzling Ianto's ear.

"Owen thinks I'm an attention whore willing to trade my body to have you notice me. Gwen thinks I'm suffering from hero worship and loneliness. If they don't know what's going on, but feel obliged to give me crap advice what do you think they'd say if they knew the truth?"

Jack pulled back and faked a shocked look.

"You mean you don't worship me? I could have sworn I heard you screaming 'oh God' last night!"

Ianto laughed, but was cut off as Jack kissed him passionately.

"I love hearing you laugh." They kissed again. Jack's stomach growled and Ianto laughed again.

"We should get to the Fish to pick up lunch," Ianto said. Jack let his wrists go. Ianto alternated rubbing them.

"I didn't hurt you, did I," Jack asked his voice sounding concerned. He took Ianto's left hand and rubbed his wrist. He kissed it then did the same to his right hand.

"I'm not that fragile, sir," Ianto said enjoying the care Jack was showing him.

"I know, but I also know you wouldn't tell me if I did hurt you." Jack suddenly looked sad and Ianto didn't want to see that. He grabbed Jack's face and kissed him.

"After lunch I think I'll get some work done in the Archives," Ianto said moving away from Jack and opening the door.

"Room D," Jack asked smiling. Ianto nodded. "That sounds like a great idea," Jack said following him outside.

"Of course," Ianto said smiling at Jack. "I thought you knew. I'm brilliant."


	18. Smooth Operator

A/N: I've had some troubles uploading this chapter. I seem to time it at the exact time the site is having maintenance. Not much happens in this one. Frankly, a lot of it is only here to set up the sequel and bridge the gap to the final few chapters.

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Chapter 18 – Smooth Operator

Ianto arrived at Dylan's a little late and explained he was delayed at work. In truth, he was late because the Rift was quiet and Ianto was beginning to suspect a direct correlation between Jack being bored and Ianto getting laid.

"Hello," Ianto said cheerfully walking into the backroom of the barber shop.

"Jaunty boy," Tom said gleefully, "I'm glad you could make it! Between Dave and Mick, I feel like I'm being hustled!"

"Don't worry," Ianto said. "I brought cash and I'm wearing my lucky tie tack." He put a small black bag on the counter and pulled out a scanner.

"What's that, Jaunty," Dylan said looking at the device.

"Didn't your friends have one of those earlier," Dave asked. Ianto wasn't surprised that Dave had noticed them. Even without the energy boost he was as sharp as ever.

"Yep. After our little adventure, the boss suggested being a little more proactive with security." Ianto turned on the device and scanned the room. Other than the residual traces, Dave was the only source in the room. Changing the display, Ianto showed it to Dylan. "This should detect any listening devices the police might have planted." He went through the motion of scanning the room again. "Looks like it's all clear. Feel free to plot the overthrow of the French government." Everyone laughed.

"That is a handy gizmo," Dylan said. "What did that copper call him? Capo Jack?" Ianto nodded. "Capo Jack has some good ideas."

"He's always teaching me new tricks," Ianto said thinking how startled his friends would be if they knew the nature of those tricks. Ianto put the scanner away, grabbed a beer, and took a place at the table. "Deal me in next hand. Still full of vim and vigor, Dave?"

"I surely am, Jaunty! In fact, I'm feeling so good, I've come to a decision. You all know how I've been debating moving to Swansea to be closer to the grandkids?" Everyone nodded. "Well, part of the reason I was thinking about it was because I've been feeling so tired lately. I've felt old."

"Nonsense," Tom said. "You're doing great for a man your age."

"Yes, but I've been feeling my age," Dave replied. "Truth be told, if I moved closer, it doesn't mean my son or his kids would spend more time with me. It would just rob them of their favorite excuse not to see me."

Ianto thought that was one of the saddest things he'd ever heard. He and his father had never gotten along, but if he was alive Ianto didn't think he'd avoid him. Then again, he mentally amended, he would probably spend as little time as possible with him. He certainly avoided his remaining family. It wasn't personal. It was difficult to find the time and he never had anything to say. He couldn't exactly make small talk about his gay lover, alien encounters, or recent unexpected arrest.

"But now that I'm feeling better, I feel like I can stay here. I've been spending too much time worried about what I would do if I couldn't take care of myself. Like I told you earlier, Jaunty, live in the moment and throw caution to the wind! Live in the now and don't concentrate on the end."

"I for one am relieved you're staying," Mick said. "I'd feel horrible if I didn't have a chance to win back some of my money I've lost to you over the last 30 years."

"And that won't be happening tonight," Dave said turning over his three cards that were face down. Mick and Ice Cream both groaned and tossed their cards down.

"Alright," Tom said gathering the cards, "dealer's choice. Let's stick with Follow the Queen. I have a good feeling about this one." Ianto had to chuckle with his friends. Tom always had a good feeling and Ianto had let to see him win a hand. The group had joked during the Friday night game that on the rare occasions Tom did win a hand they all said a silent prayer in case it was the first sign of the apocalypse.

Twenty minutes later there was a knock at the back door. Ianto had just folded his hand so he jumped up to get it. He was hoping it wouldn't be the police, but even more than that he was silently pleading for it to not be Jack.

"Mr. Jaunty Jones! It's always good to see you," said the friendly tailor.

"Sid! Nice to see you out of the shop," Ianto said stepping aside so he could enter.

"I think since Amy came to help me out, I have barely left the building! Who knew having extra help would be so much work? I wasn't going to come tonight, but I kept thinking about how much fun Tom said you had at Friday's game and I decided to give myself the evening off."

"Good for you," Tom said. "You need to take it easier."

"Absolutely," Ianto said, but quickly added, "as long as my suit gets done."

"Consider it done," Sid said. "Can you make it in Thursday morning? You might even be able to wear it home." Everyone laughed as Ianto's eyes lit up and he clasped his hands together.

"I will circle the date on my calendar. This is a special occasion well worth celebrating," Ianto said still beaming.

"Oh, speaking of special occasion and celebrating," Dylan began dealing a new hand, "we've picked the date for our 50th anniversary party. It's the 20th of next month. After we got arrested, Erzsi decided we shouldn't wait until August for the actual anniversary in case something happens. I know," he said throwing his hands in the air, "it doesn't make sense to me either, but I just do what I'm told. That's how I've survived 50 years with that woman."

"Is she going to get a medal for putting up with you for all these years," Tom asked chuckling.

"Maybe we could have a whip round and send her on a nice vacation...alone," Ianto said.

"Don't even joke," Dylan said. "Part of the reason we're still together is I convinced her she can't go anywhere without me! I'm expecting all of you to be there. It's not going to be a fancy do."

"You're a lucky man," Sid said, "but not at cards. I'll raise you 5."

"Too rich for me," Dylan said. "Think you can make it, Jaunty?"

"As long as nothing comes up at work," Jaunty said. "I always have to preface accepting any invitation with that."

"Wonderful," Dylan said smiling.

"That reminds me of Billy the Stick," Dave said. "Have I told you how he missed his wedding?"

Ianto shook his head and smiled as Dave launched into a hilarious tale that demonstrated the difficulties of mixing organized crime and domestics. He was struck again by the similarities between their secret organization and his. The motives were different, but the difficulties in maintaining a personal life, the violence, and the unspoken fears were the same. Well, maybe not exactly the same. There were the battles for territory with UNIT, but he didn't really think the Brigadier would put a hit out on Jack. Then again, Ianto thought, I should remind him to be a little more polite on the next conference call.

Several hours later, Ianto left Dylan's with a light hearted feeling he hadn't felt in years. He'd had a fun, relaxing evening. Dave was doing fine. Better than fine, he was doing great. It gave Ianto a measure of hope that something useful came through the Rift. It was easy to forget that with all the horrible things they saw.

He was absent mindedly whistling when he spotted the man leaning against his car. Ianto only paused momentarily then continued on his way.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here," Ianto said trying hard not to convey the sudden dread he felt.

"No, you lot never do," replied the bushy mustached detective. "Looks like an early evening for you, 'Jaun-ty'. No luck at the table?" He leaned against Ianto's car door.

Ianto assumed the casual air the detective was trying to project was supposed to convey something specific to him, but it only made him think the man was trying too hard and had a generally sloppy appearance. Ianto also noted how short the man was. He hadn't noticed that when he was in the interrogation room at the police station. Ianto found the man was more annoying than intimidating.

"I'm walking away only down 20 quid. That's the same as winning against those guys. I've got to be at the tourist office first thing in the morning. I'd hate all those tourists seeing me without my beauty sleep."

"How thick do you think I am, Jones? You're as much a tourist office clerk as I am a talking monkey."

Ianto smiled patiently assuming the man was feeding him a straight line in an attempt to trick Ianto into saying something he could later claim instigated a fight. Ianto had worked around Owen too long to fall for that.

"Was there something I can do for you Detective...Eisenmann, wasn't it? It seems like quite the coincidence for you to be here." Ianto was more concerned with the detective accidentally scratching his paint job than his motives for leaning against his car.

Detective Eisenmann twitched his mustache. Ianto resisted the urge to recommend he come back in the morning when Dylan's was open for business to get his soup strainer trimmed.

"I wanted to remind you that you are still a person of interest. Somebody doesn't want me investigating you and the Nostalgia Boys, but to me that just means this is bigger than I thought. I know even a smooth operator like you will make a mistake sooner or later and I wanted to make sure you know I'll be there for it."

Ianto sighed. Not only was he annoying, he know planted Sade's "Smooth Operator" in his ear. He wondered how much Retcon it would take to make the song go away.

"It's comforting to know there will always be someone there for me," Ianto deadpanned while thinking "Coast to coast, LA to Chicago – Western male..." Yep. Definitely Retcon.

They stared at each other for a moment, long enough for Ianto's multi-tasking mind to reach the chorus for a second time. The detective pushed away from the car.

"Remember, you ain't above the law," he said turning as he walked away.

No, thought Ianto, just beyond it as Jack likes to say.

Ianto started to drive home, but something Eisenmann said bothered him. He wasn't worried about himself. He would admit to a small concern for his friends. His friends didn't need his protection, at least they didn't under normal conditions, but Ianto's presence had brought the authorities attention to them. The least he could do was find out about this detective. He turned around and headed to the Hub.

The Hub was empty. Even Myfawny was out for the night. Ianto was pleasantly surprised. Usually the Rift was more active at night and Torchwood 3 certainly wasn't the 9 to 5 sort of place Torchwood 1 had been. There were no shifts unless you counted everybody as being on the swing shift. With no one to ask him questions about his personal life he didn't want to answer or ask him to make coffee, Ianto was able to sit down at Tosh's computer and begin his hunt for information on Detective Eisenmann.

The problem with investigating people when you have access to hundreds of government databases and hundreds more private ones is the sheer amount of information you receive. The other problem was knowing what was important in that deluge of data.

Was it important that Eisenmann bought four tubes of toothpaste in the month of March? He'd gotten double loyalty reward points for it so Ianto doubted it. What about his car payment being overdue? It probably meant nothing. He set up an alert to add any new information to his mound of data about the detective.

He was lost in the random information, unconsciously looking for patterns, when he heard the invisible lift activate. Ianto glanced up briefly to make sure it was Jack and not some poor drunk stumbling home across the Plass who happened onto the wrong paving stone and accidentally engaged the lowering mechanism. He knew the chances were slim, but he was sure it would happen one day.

"I thought you'd be out playing with your new chums," Jack said crossing the Hub to Ianto.

"When we realized there wasn't going to be another raid we decided to call it a night," Ianto said not looking up. Jack grabbed his triceps from behind and pulled Ianto and the office chair back against him.

"What are you working on," Jack asked before nuzzling Ianto's ear.

"Detective Eisenmann was waiting for me outside Dylan's. Thought I'd take a look to see who he is." Ianto leaned his head back slightly then stopped abruptly when he caught the lingering scent of perfume. It was the kind of perfume he thought, unkindly, women like Gwen wore – women who thought if it was a little expensive at a department store and came with a free loofah and pedicure set it must be quality, would wear. Judging by how it seemed to linger on Jack, Ianto assumed the woman also thought 'the more the merrier'. Either that or Jack had been attacked by an alien from the Estee Lauder galaxy.

"I thought I got rid of that guy! I'll make a few calls in the morning," Jack said sounding a little peeved.

"Don't bother. He's already been told to drop it. The louder he's told the more convinced he is that there is something afoot."

Jack grunted and kissed the side of Ianto's neck. Ianto pulled away and swiveled around in his chair to face Jack.

"Jack," Ianto began looking up at him with a slight frown on his face.

"Before you say anything, Ianto," Jack said before Ianto could say anything, "I didn't think you'd be available tonight."

"Jack," Ianto huffed trying to get a word in edgewise.

"Believe me, I'd much rather be with you," Jack said keeping Ianto's words from pushing in edgewise, longwise, or otherwise.

"Okay, but..."

"It isn't like we're dating..."

"Jack!"

Jack looked down at Ianto, his face the picture of apologetic misery.

"I was going to say," Ianto said putting a hand on Jack's arm, "you should take a shower while I close up here. You smell like a French prostitute during a water shortage."

Jack laughed then pulled his shirt up to his nose. He made a gagging sound.

"I'll burn these clothes," Jack said.

"Leave the burning to me. I don't trust you with matches!" Ianto dug in his pocket then held up his hand. "You, get hosed down. You have ten minutes." He clicked the stopwatch in his hand and showed it to Jack. He made a shooing motion with his hands then turned back to the computer.

Jack hesitated for a moment then jogged towards his office. He stopped at the door and turned around to say something.

"9 minutes 25 seconds," Ianto said without looking up. "There will be consequences for missing the deadline." He looked at Jack and unsuccessfully struggled not to smile causing a lopsided twist to his lips. Jack turned quickly and disappeared into his office. Ianto hated being Jack's second choice, well, he thought, fourth choice really, but it was better than being fifth or sixth. He saved his search results and slowly headed to Jack's bunker bedroom intent on living in the moment.


	19. The Holy Order of the Suit

Chapter 19 – The Holy Order of the Suit

Tuesday brought with it a minor Rift spike and a strange looking metal cube that was clearly attached to something else at some point. Jack grabbed it excitedly and refused to tell anyone what it was. He was practically giddy and Ianto knew he wasn't the only one happy to see Jack happy. Jack asked Ianto to bring him a few specific tools from the Archive and then closed himself up in his office.

Wednesday, Ianto wasn't sure if Jack had moved. He took him coffee and food which disappeared, but Jack's focus was on the now partially dismantled cube. Ianto noticed some of the team wasn't as happy as they had been the day before.

"Did he say anything," Gwen asked once Ianto returned to the table where the rest of the team sans Jack was eating lunch.

"Not a word. He's completely absorbed in his work," Ianto said. He wasn't particularly concerned. He'd seen Jack's little obsessions before. He thought everyone had, but either he'd given them too much credit for observation or for memory recall.

"Has he told you what that thing is," Tosh asked.

"Nope. When I asked him yesterday he said 'Wait and see,' then smiled like an overactive toddler on a sugar high. I thought he was going to give me a mad scientist laugh for a moment." Ianto didn't add that he was ridiculously turned on by that smile or voice his frustration at being turned on while Jack was too enthralled with his new toy to play with Ianto.

"It's not like Jack not to talk to us," Gwen said. Ianto wondered what she was trying to imply.

"He didn't tell us about the two-man transporter," Tosh pointed out quietly. Ianto gave her a small smile of understanding when she looked up.

"Actually, he told me. I didn't think it would work after all those years buried," Ianto said. "I didn't know he was going to use it." He was relieved when Toss smiled back.

"Then you should be the one to make him tell us what that thing is," Owen said. Ianto stared at him.

"If he wanted us to know, he would have said. If it was dangerous he wouldn't expose us to it. Sometimes he has to keep secrets from us," Ianto said not looking away from Owen.

"How do you know he isn't being controlled by that thing," Owen asked.

"Could that happen," Gwen asked.

"He's not being influenced by alien forces," Tosh said.

"How can you be so sure," Owen asked.

"We would notice. Ianto would notice," she said turning in her chair to more directly face Ianto. "Is he behaving unusually?" Gwen made a tutting sound and Owen leaned forward in his chair.

"He seems fine to me," Ianto said wishing Tosh hadn't put him on the spot. He didn't mind Tosh knowing about him and Jack, but he wasn't keen on Gwen and Owen knowing.

"Are you sure," Gwen asked.

"Of course he's sure," Owen said. "We all know he doesn't take his eyes off Jack. Ianto knows if Jack's going to sneeze before he does. We still need to know what that thing is. I don't like it when the Captain starts his hush-hush bullshit."

"I could go talk to him," Gwen said adjusting her shirt.

"I wouldn't be so quick to volunteer," Tosh said. "If he wanted to tell us he would. He won't appreciate you prying."

"Tosh is right, Gwen," Ianto said not believing she'd listen to him for a moment. "If you do decide to confront him let me know first. I need to remind him I'll be unavailable tomorrow morning and I'd rather do it before you put him in a bad mood."

"Then you should find out what that thing is while you're there," Owen said.

"I think I'll have a better chance," Gwen said sounding a little annoyed.

"After talking to Jack while we were tracking that geezer the other day I'm confident the tea boy has the best chance of wheedling the info out of him," Owen said smirking.

Ianto mentally groaned wondering what Jack might have said to the medic. Well, that would have to be the first topic. He needed to know that a hell of a lot more than why Jack was fascinated with the latest bit of Rift trash.

"I agree," Tosh said. Ianto's head dropped to the side to look at her. "I'm sorry, Ianto, but if we are going to ask Jack about the box, you are the one who should ask."

Ianto looked around the table. Tosh was looking at him sympathetically. Owen was looking smug. Gwen was looking confused. This time Ianto groaned out loud.

"Fine. I'll ask after lunch," Ianto stressed. He took a bite of his sandwich to punctuate the sentiment.

Ianto knocked on Jack's door ten minutes later. Jack looked up quickly, motioned him in, and not so discreetly set the device aside.

"Yes, Ianto," Jack asked smiling mischievously.

Oh God, thought Ianto. Please don't let that thing be an extraterrestrial marital aide. Ianto closed Jack's door and sat down in his guest chair. He chewed on his upper lip.

"Couple of items, sir," Ianto said locking eyes with Jack. Suddenly the idea of an alien sex toy seemed more inviting. He mentally shook the thought away. "You have a conference call with the Ministry of Defense and some rather upset Royal Navy Admirals in 35 minutes."

Jack grimaced then gave Ianto a tiny pout. He pressed his hands together as if he were sending up a prayer to Ianto.

"Could I order, coerce, or bribe you to talk to them for me? Please? I'll even throw in some all too true compliments, you beautiful, sexy, suit full of sin you," Jack said with a salacious wink. Ianto chuckled and nodded.

"I suppose we could come to an arrangement, sir." In truth, Ianto was going to suggest he handle the call. It was easier for him to be solicitous and diplomatic on the conference call than to be apologetic on three individual calls while trying to explain that Jack really didn't mean to be rude, unhelpful, and/or threatening.

Jack smiled and Ianto noticed his eyes dart to the cube before settling on Ianto again.

"I understand you had a little talk with Owen," Ianto said watching Jack closely for any signs.

"As did you," Jack said leaning back in his chair and smiling. "You didn't mention it."

"If I mentioned every time Gwen or Owen wanted a little chat we wouldn't have time to not talk about other things and I think you like what we do outside of talking too much to change that." Ianto licked his lips just enough for Jack to see a peek of tongue. Jack sat forward in his chair and leaned into his desk.

"And yet here we are talking when I can think of three, no four, other things you could be doing with your mouth." Jack licked his lips in a much less subtle way. Ianto sat forward.

"But that would be inappropriate right now, wouldn't it, sir?" Ianto smiled at Jack's answering growl. "Of course, later this afternoon I might be persuaded to not talk to you in a few creative ways," Ianto said seductively. "Depending, that is, on what you said to Owen," he said in a much flatter tone.

"He apprised me you might have some misplaced affection for me and pointed out that I would be a bastard to take advantage of that," Jack said seriously. "I asked him what he would say if I told him I had some misplaced affection for you, too, and he said that would be really 'fucked up'."

"Then it's a good thing Owen was wrong," Ianto said.

"He is," Jack asked eyebrows ascending. Ianto nodded.

"I don't think my affection is misplaced," he said smiling as Jack beamed. "But you didn't tell him about us?"

"No," Jack said shaking his head once, "but he'll figure it out soon and when he does I'm sure we will both get lectured. He will probably tell you it's a mistake and encourage you to end it before it's too late. He'll tell me I'm being selfish and should let you down easy before I break your heart."

"I already got that lecture," Ianto said. "Now that he's talked to you I'll probably get it again."

"How did you know Owen said anything to me," Jack asked.

"That leads me to the next item," Ianto said professionally. "The team is concerned about the time you are spending with that cube. Owen felt I should be the one to ask you about it. Normally, they suggest I talk to you because if things go badly you'll take it out on me instead of them, but this time he said he'd spoken to you and thought you'd be more likely to tell me the truth."

"You know I don't mean to snap at you," Jack said self-consciously.

"Yes you do and it's fine. You're my captain. I don't want our extracurricular activities to affect how you treat me," Ianto assured even though there were times he really did want Jack to treat him differently.

"Did I mention besides being beautiful and sexy you are brilliant, amazing, and loyal?"

"Is that a real compliment or a distraction," Ianto asked.

"Can't it be both?" When Ianto only replied with a quirked eyebrow, Jack sighed. "It isn't anything dangerous. I want to get it working before I tell anybody. I've almost got it. Once it's working, I'll show you and then I'll show the others. Think of it as a surprise!"

"Good enough," Ianto said standing. "I trust you. I'd better get my notes ready for that call. Before I forget, I'll be unavailable tomorrow morning."

"Oh yeah," Jack raked his teeth against his lower lip, "new suit. I'm looking forward to a private runway show. I might even have my surprise ready for you."

"I don't know if my poor heart could stand the strain of a new suit and a Harkness surprise! I'll be back after the call so you can start paying off that bribe while we don't talk," Ianto said as he left.

Unfortunately, the Rift didn't care about their plans. A shapeshifter came through before Ianto was off the phone. Less than an hour after returning, calls were coming in about a creature sighting that turned out to be an elaborate hoax by the producers of a television show about dinosaurs coming through space/time portals. Ianto took a brief nap then was out with Jack and Owen all night chasing a Weevil that Owen suspected had the equivalent of rabies. He made it home for a few hours of sleep and then it was time to pick up Tom.

In spite of the lack of sleep, Ianto was wired. He tried not to get his hopes up too much. It was always possible Sid would have to make a few more adjustments to it before Ianto could wear it home. Ianto wore his red shirt with his dark grey suit. He stopped wearing bright shirts after Canary Wharf. Slowly he'd started occasionally wearing a colored shirt, but they were usually dark colors. His red shirt was bright red. He couldn't blend into the background in it. He struggled with his tie choice finally settling on a medium grey one with tiny red dots. He put a darker grey one with red and light grey stripes in his pocket to be on the safe side.

"There's nothing in the world like a new suit," Tom said as they walked up the stairs to Sid's shop. Between Ianto and Tom they had said that a half dozen times. They both laughed when they walked in and Sid immediately echoed the sentiment.

In an almost religious procession, Ianto was led to the fitting area. He removed his jacket which was taken by Tom and put on a hanger. He removed his trousers and exchanged them with Sid for the new ones. They fit perfectly. Sid checked the waistband and hem. He stepped back and nodded appreciatively at his work.

Sid reverentially took the waistcoat and helped Ianto into it. Ianto buttoned the top four buttons and left the fifth undone. Sid checked the fit and adjusted the fastener on the back. Tom circled around and smiled. Ianto crossed his arms straight out in front of him then lifted them up. He was satisfied with the range of movement.

Finally, Sid slid the suit jacket off a hanger and onto Ianto. He patted down the shoulders then moved next to Tom to look. Ianto turned around and looked at himself in the mirror.

Ianto didn't think of himself as a good looking man. On his best day he thought he was average. Lisa always said he was the best looking man she'd ever seen, but she was blinded by love. Jack said he was beautiful, but he didn't really believe him. It did make him feel good to think Jack chose him over the people he thought were much more attractive, but he thought Jack probably gave him points for proximity and being low maintenance. Looking in that mirror, Ianto scarcely believed it was his reflection. He thought he looked handsome.

He didn't have words. He opened the jacket and was pleased with the silky red lining that matched the pocket square and accentuated the thin red pinstripe. Ianto turned to the side then back to Tom and Sid. He checked the stretch on the jacket and playfully boxed with Tom. He squatted and was pleased the trousers moved with him.

"Sid," he finally said breaking the silence, "this is the most amazing suit I've ever seen. Thank you." He turned back to the mirror. "It looks really good, doesn't it?"

"Jaunty Jones," Tom said slapping him on the back, "I'm downright jealous."

"Let me get Amy," Sid said. "I want her to take a few pictures. If potential customers see a handsome man in a sharp suit how could they not want one for themselves?" Neither man could disagree as Sid left to look for his granddaughter.

"It looks good, Jaunty, but I'm not sure about those cufflinks." Ianto shot his cuffs and looked at them. The cufflinks were plain gold colored ovals. They looked plainer with the suit.

"I guess that means I'm going to have to do some more shopping," Ianto said.

"Not necessarily," Tom said. He handed a hinged black box to Ianto. He hesitantly accepted it and opened the box.

"Wow," Ianto said looking at the cufflinks. They were white gold circles with intricate scrollwork around a thin ebony accent circle around a mother-of-pearl inlay with a single pearl in the middle. "These are gorgeous."

"I was about your age when I got them as a gift. I only wore them on special occasions. I know Dave's been the deep one lately, but if I could give you some advice, don't wait for special occasions. And don't get consumed with the job. Make excuses to dance! I'm serious, Ianto," Tom said as Ianto began laughing. "Don't end up an old man filled with regrets." Tom's hand touch the scar on his face absent mindedly and the man flinched when he realized it.

"Don't worry. I won't," Ianto said soberly. He was touched by Tom's gift and by his use of Ianto's name. He felt a tinge of melancholy knowing he already had regrets and few Torchwood operatives lived long enough to be bitter old men.

"Right, well, that's enough of that sentimental bother," Tom said grabbing one of Ianto's cuffs. "Let's see how these look with that showy blouse of yours!"

They were still admiring the suit and the cufflinks when Sid returned with Amy. Her displeasure was evident.

"Can you take a picture of me Tom," Ianto asked.

"I'm not here to document your life! I'm just here to take a photo of the suit," she sniped.

"Amy," Sid exclaimed, "stop being rude to my friends and customers! Take a picture of Jaunty and Tom and then you'll take a picture of the three of us and then, if Mr. Jones has the time, you'll take some pictures of him in the suit." Sid shook his head. It was clear he'd come to the end of his rope with his granddaughter. She huffed, but took the photos.

"You look like one of those male models," Tom laughed. Ianto mimed looking at his watch then turned and twisted at the waist back towards Amy. Even she had to smile.

"Make sure you get my best side," he joked.

"Then you'll need to bend over," she said.

"Amy," Sid said while Tom laughed.

"What? That cut makes his bum look nice."

"Oi," Ianto said struggling to keep a straight face, "my eyes are up here, madam!"

Before they left, Ianto gave Amy his email address so she could send him copies of the photos. He assured Sid he would be back soon for another suit. He dropped Tom off at Dylan's and ran in quickly to show off his new suit. He didn't stay long. Ianto was looking forward to showing off for Jack and maybe testing out those reinforced knees.


	20. Right Said Jones

A/N:

Warning: Man on man action in this chapter. I rewrote this chapter and it got away from me. When I broke it into two chapters, it had a strange break so I've extended this one into a "pure" smut chapter. Then that got carried away. The result? A terribly long, 98% porn chapter. If this was a commercial novel I'd fix it, but since it's just for a bit of fun you'll have to tolerate my self-indulgence. My apologies! People who don't want to read the dirty bits can skip to the last paragraph. (And who are you people who don't like the dirty bits?)

* * *

Chapter 20 – Right Said Jones

Ianto wasn't surprised Owen's car wasn't in the car park, but he was surprised not to see Tosh's. He didn't often use the invisible lift, but he wanted to make an entrance even if there wasn't anybody there to see it. He stood on the special pavement stone and tapped the toe of one shoe on the pressure buttons in a precise order. The lift began to descend and he wished, not for the first time, there was a safety railing. He put his hands in his pockets and tried to look casual.

As he'd hoped, Jack came out of his office as the slab descended. He was less happy to see Gwen standing, in his opinion, too close to Jack. Based on the smile on Jack's face as he stared up at him, Ianto thought Jack approved of his new suit.

Once he was sure the lift had stopped, Ianto walked towards Jack. Jack began clapping and Ianto did a 360 degree turn before continuing across the Hub.

"I'm sorry, sir," Ianto said showing the lining of his jacket and turning around again, "but I'm too sexy for the Hub." Jack laughed and Ianto quirked an eyebrow at him. He was rewarded with a dazzling smile and a look of such lust Ianto knew, if only for that moment, Jack wanted him more than anyone else.

"You look amazing," Jack said.

"That's a nice outfit," Gwen said smiling. "Took him long enough to make it though, didn't it?"

"Quality takes time," Ianto said. "Forgive me for not wanting some mass produced bedazzled t-shirt put together by child slave labor."

"Not everyone needs to go to such extremes to look presentable."

"Okay fighters, go to your neutral corners," Jack said smiling, but clearly displeased. Gwen and Ianto both stopped talking. "As much as this awkward silence is enjoyable, I think it will probably get old real fast. Gwen, why don't you go ahead and take off? We'll call if something comes up."

"I don't mind staying, Jack," Gwen said hooking her arm in the crook of Jack's arm.

"No, we had a rough night. You should go home and get some rest in case tonight's as bad. Owen and Tosh should be in around 4. If it's quiet enough for them to take some time to rest you should do the same," Jack said patting her hand.

"Well, if you insist..."

"I do," Jack said quickly. "Besides, I need to talk to Ianto about yesterday's conference call and that's hardly going to be exciting."

"Fine. Don't hesitate to call me if you need me."

"Absolutely." Gwen gave Jack's arm a final squeeze and walked towards her station. "Oh, before you go, you two need to apologize." Ianto rolled his eyes. He'd been trying to break the habit, but some instances truly seemed to warrant it.

"I'm sorry, Jack," Gwen said. Ianto regretted rolling his eyes too soon.

"That's not exactly what I meant," Jack said confused.

"I'm sorry, too, Jack," Ianto began, "and I'm sorry, Gwen." He wasn't, but Ianto didn't care if Gwen could tell.

"Oh, I'm sorry, too, Ianto," she said gracelessly. She grabbed her purse out of her desk. "I'll head out and see you later." She gave Jack a small wave and left through the cog door.

Both men watched and waited for the door to roll back into place. Ianto turned to Jack.

"Jack, I really am..." The rest of Ianto's sentence was lost as Jack's mouth collided with his. One of Jack's hands held on to the back of Ianto's head. The other snaked between Ianto's waistcoat and jacket and rubbed frantic circles on his back.

About the time Ianto thought he was going to suffocate due to Jack's tongue obstructing his airway, Jack's roving hand found its way to his chest. He palms ground into the waistcoat and he growled.

"There's a little too much fabric in my way," Jack said taking a step back.

"I thought you said the suit was amazing," Ianto said reaching unsuccessfully for Jack who started to circle him.

"No, I said you look amazing. It's a great suit," Jack said behind Ianto. "Very sexy," he added in Ianto's ear, "but you're what makes it so hot." Jack pulled him close and began devouring Ianto's neck. Jack's hands seemed to be all over him groping and kneading.

"You don't need to say that," Ianto said chuckling. "It's pretty clear I'm going to have sex with you so buttering me up isn't required." Jack bit his ear lobe and Ianto moaned.

"You need to stop doing that," Jack said in a serious tone.

"Then you need to stop doing that. You know what your mouth on my ear does to me."

"Not that," Jack said. "I love it when you moan. I love it when I make you moan." He licked the shell of Ianto's ear making Ianto moan to prove his point. "I want you to stop flinching or making jokes when I tell you how attractive you are. And I don't need to be looking at you to know you're rolling your eyes."

"How do you want me to react," Ianto sighed. Jack let go and finished his circumnavigation of Ianto.

"I'm not trying to change you," Jack said kissing Ianto's left cheek. "I want to make sure you know I mean what I say," he continued kissing Ianto's right cheek. "You're smart and gorgeous and I really don't think you believe that." He lightly kissed Ianto's lips. "What can I do to convince you?"

Ianto didn't know what to say to that. They stared at each other for a moment while the various replies played out in Ianto's head. In the end, Ianto decided anything he said wouldn't convey the right emotion in the right way so he grabbed Jack's face and kissed him. It started hard then became soft and then wasn't enough.

Jack pulled away as Ianto began clawing at him. He put his hand on Ianto's chest and held him away at arm's length. He grinned devilishly.

"Here's an idea. Do you think I'm good looking, desirable?" He tapped his fingers on Ianto's chest.

"You'll the most handsome man I've ever seen, Jack," Ianto said feeling too much emotion building under Jack's hand.

"And I'm smart, sexy..."

"Conceited," Ianto added.

"Maybe, but I prefer confident," Jack said smirking. "Would I waste my time with someone who wasn't amazing? Do you think just anybody can make me this obscenely horny?"

"Well," Ianto started, "it does boost my ego when you spend time with me, but you do get turned on by just about anything."

"I can't help being a very sexual person any more than you can help being a gorgeous Welshman. You can, however," Jack said smiling his devilish grin again, "do something about being an overdressed, gorgeous Welshman." Jack's hand trailed down the buttons on Ianto's waistcoat.

Ianto was glad Jack was done talking. He knew Jack was only trying to help, but that in itself worried him. Why should Jack care about my self-image, he wondered. Compliments always unsettled him. He didn't like to think about it. He certainly didn't want to talk to Jack about it.

He slowly pulled his jacket off then, feeling the need to lighten the mood, flipped the jacket over his shoulder holding it with two fingers. He turned, took a few steps, looked over his shoulder at Jack and made an exaggerated pout.

"Am I male model hot? You mentioned wanting a private runway show." He quirked an eyebrow at Jack who laughed and clapped his hands together.

"Oh yeah, you are beyond male model hot. They're just nice bodies and pretty faces. You are the total package," Jack leered. "Speaking of packages," Jack began walking to Ianto who held out his hand to keep him at arm's length as Jack had earlier.

"Go sit on the couch. I'll be over in a moment."

"Getting a little bossy," Jack said not moving.

"If you get on the couch, I'll let you direct the show." For a moment, their eyes locked in a silent communication. Jack broke contact to jog to the couch.

Ianto suppressed a giggle. Only Jack could make him want to giggle and that thought made him want to chuckle. He walked, quickly but with dignity, to the small kitchen area and grabbed several linen napkins. Taking the long way, he walked to the couch, jacket swishing over his shoulder, aware Jack was watching his every move. He wondered if Jack could tell how hard he was getting simply from having Jack watch him.

He put the napkins down, amused by Jack's puzzled look, and stood in front of him. Ianto posed like a man in a department store catalog. Jack responded by sitting back on the couch and stretching his arms along the back.

"Why don't you hang your jacket up," Jack said.

"I don't know. Why don't I," Ianto replied with a grin. Jack narrowed his eyes at him, but smiled.

"Go hang your jacket up," he said jerking his head towards the coat rack.

Ianto slowly made a quarter turn and walked to the coat rack. Sashayed might be a better word. With exaggerated care he removed a coat hanger and slipped his jacket over it before hanging it on the rack. He walked back to the couch, a little less exuberantly without his prop, and stood with his hands on his hips in front of Jack.

Jack sat forward and reached for Ianto's left hand. Ianto held it out to him. Jack turned it then entwined his left hand and fingers with Ianto's while turning Ianto's cuff with his right hand.

"These are nice," Jack said touching a cuff link. "I don't remember seeing them before."

"They were a gift from Tom today. Don't ask me about it or I'll get all choked up," Ianto warned.

"I wouldn't want to do that when I can think of other things you could be choking on," Jack said waggling his eyebrows. Jack kissed Ianto's hand then let go and sat back on the couch as he had been.

"Is that a direction," Ianto asked.

"Unbutton your vest," Jack said staring at Ianto's waistcoat and ignoring the question.

Ianto leisurely unbuttoned the waistcoat from the top down. He started to pull it off.

"Stop," Jack said. Ianto froze. Jack twirled a finger in the air. "Turn around for me."

Ianto turned slowly. When Ianto had his back to Jack, he called out for him to stop again.

"Your ass looks incredible," Jack said. Ianto jumped when he felt a hand grope him.

"That's what Amy said," Ianto replied.

"Who's she," Jack asked. If Ianto hadn't known better, he would think Jack sounded a little jealous. Since he did know better, he wasn't sure what the tone was.

"Sid the Tailor's granddaughter. She said these trousers made my 'bum look nice'." The hand groping his arse squeezed hard.

"How did that make you feel, knowing she finds you attractive?" Ianto shook his head.

"Trust me, she doesn't. She was admiring the cut of the suit. That was the closest thing to a civil word she's ever had for me."

"She's playing hard to get," Jack asked with that same tone Ianto couldn't identify. He wished he could see him so he could look for a clue.

"No, she genuinely doesn't seem to like me which is odd because strangers usually do. I don't mind though. She's rude and obnoxious."

"Is she pretty?"

"I hadn't actually thought about it," Ianto said as the hand kneading him moved to the other cheek. "I suppose she's okay." Jack laughed. "What's funny now?"

"You. You can't see beyond her bad manners. It's very Ianto of you! I like it." Jack's hand stopped kneading and began rubbing gently. "I bet she was flirting with you the entire time and you just didn't pick up on it."

"You're completely wrong," Ianto said. "She's offended by my chosen professional."

"But if you weren't a hardened criminal," Jack asked, "would you want to go out with her? Spend time with her? Fuck her?" He pinched Ianto then rubbed the spot. Ianto yipped then groaned. He had to concentrate to remember the question.

"No, like I said, she's heinous. Besides, never date your bartender or your tailor. It can get awkward quickly and then you end up having to find a new bar or a new tailor. No," Ianto continued, "you'll have to accept that you need to satisfy my lust. You won't be able to pawn it off on someone else." Ianto was gratified when Jack laughed. He was less gratified when Jack's hand stopped its ministrations.

"That's the way I like it," Jack said. Jack grabbed the back of Ianto's waistband. "What's this? It's a little raised."

"Ah," Ianto said, "that's one of Sid's little additions. It's for my holster so I can attach it without wearing out the fabric or ruining the line of the suit."

"Turn around," Jack commanded resuming his casual position on the couch. "That's clever," Jack said. "Sid's quite the artisan. Did he make a lot of these 'little additions'?"

"As a matter of fact," Ianto said as he slowly turned to face Jack, "he did. I think you'll appreciate my favorite."

"Oh," Jack said as Ianto faced him once more. "Loosen your tie. Just a little." Ianto loosened the knot.

"Yes, reinforced knees," Ianto said nonchalantly. He worked hard to contain his smile as Jack's eyes visibly widened. "Apparently dangerous criminals request that type of thing a lot. He didn't even blink when I asked for them."

"You asked for them?" Ianto nodded. "Are they bulky?"

"I don't even feel them. Of course, I haven't really tested them out yet either." Ianto didn't doubt for a second Jack would correct that oversight.

"Come here and kiss me," Jack said lifting his head.

Ianto bent down and kissed Jack. They both kept their hands to themselves and only connected through their lips and tongues. Ianto was actively forcing himself to move slowly and could tell Jack was, too. The side of their tongues slid against each other as they retreated. They both moaned.

"I think now would be a good time to test out those knees," Jack said breathing heavy.

"Oh, you think so," Ianto said putting his hands on his hips.

"Fine, you want detailed commands, I can give 'em." Jack spread his legs wide. "Get on your knees on the floor between my legs."

Instead of dropping to his knees, Ianto stepped over to the pile of linen napkins. He noted Jack's look of confusion with amusement. He picked up the napkins and returned to Jack. He took one and unfolded it on the ground between Jack's feet. He placed the others on the couch next to Jack.

"It's impossible to keep this floor clean," Ianto said lowering his knees onto the napkin. Jack chuckled.

"For someone as dirty as you, you certainly like to stay clean. Give me your hand." Ianto held out his right hand. Jack raised his hips and adjusted his position on the couch. He placed Ianto's hand on his crotch. "Feel how hard you've made me."

Ianto palmed Jack's erection through his trousers. Jack bit his lower lip. Ianto rubbed harder.

"You want to suck me, don't you," Jack asked. When Ianto didn't answer, Jack grabbed his face and lifted it. "I asked if you want to suck my dick. Do you?"

"Yes," Ianto said quietly.

"Then ask permission," Jack said.

Ianto wanted to regret telling Jack he was the director, but he couldn't deny the increased throbbing in his pants every time Jack ordered him.

"May I suck your cock, sir," Ianto asked. Ianto ignored the tingle in his groin to focus on Jack. His cheeks were reddened and his breathing harsh. Ianto rubbed his hand lightly against Jack's hardened length.

"Say please," Jack huffed.

"Please may I put my mouth around your dick, lave it with my tongue, and suck you down my throat, sir?" Jack's nostrils flared and he tightened his grip on the back of the couch.

"Take off my shoes."

Or at least that's what Ianto thought Jack said. Between the blood rushing in his ears and Jack's groaned tones it was hard to tell. He removed Jack's shoes and socks.

Jack let go of the couch long enough to slip his braces off, but quickly grabbed on again. He hooked his legs around Ianto and pulled him close.

"You're such a good boy," Jack exulted. "Unfasten my trousers." Jack loosened his hold on Ianto.

Ianto grabbed the button and forced it through the button hole. He could feel the heat emanating off Jack's groin. He willed his hands to stop shaking and pulled down the zipper.

"You may remove my trousers," Jack said. He lifted his hips off the couch and Ianto peeled the slacks down and off. Ianto folded them delicately. "Rub my dick, gently," Jack added.

Ianto lightly rubbed Jack's erection through the thin fabric of his boxers. He teased it with feathery touches from his fingertips along the shaft and around his balls. He was rewarded with a growing wet patch on the boxers.

"I think you're enjoying this, sir," Ianto said matter-of-factly. He rubbed harder and Jack's breath hitched.

"You're doing such a good job I think you deserve a treat. Take off my underwear." Ianto removed the boxers and placed them to the side. "Now I'll let you show me what a good cocksucker you are."

Ianto reached over and picked up another napkin. Jack's confusion turned to a look of amusement as Ianto tucked the napkin into his collar. Jack stopped laughing when Ianto placed his tongue flat against the underside of Jack's erection at the base and licked a path to the tip.

Ianto didn't hesitate to suck the head of Jack's cock into his mouth. He stroked the shaft with one hand and cradled his balls with the other. Jack spread his legs a little more and Ianto adjusted his hand so he could palm his testicles and still reach his long middle finger to stroke against his perineum.

Jack bucked into Ianto's mouth. He moved his left leg higher onto Ianto's shoulder and pulled him closer. Ianto sucked halfway down Jack's shaft and began bobbing up and down. Jack's other leg crept up Ianto's back. He sucked harder and Jack lost his grip on the back of the couch. Jack's hands grabbed onto the back of Ianto's head.

Using his legs wrapped around Ianto's back and shoulders for leverage, Jack thrust into the hot, wet vacuum of Ianto's mouth. Ianto moved his head in time with Jack's thrusts. He sucked harder and wiggled his tongue urging Jack to come. Jack dropped back against the couch and unlocked his legs around Ianto. He pushed him back gently.

"Stop! Give me...a minute," Jack panted.

Ianto sat back to catch his breath. He patted his mouth with the napkin making Jack laugh through his deep breaths.

"Oh God, Ianto! Too much! I don't want to come yet." Jack took several deep breaths. He leaned down and kissed Ianto quickly before falling back against the couch again. "Do you have any idea how much I love fucking your mouth," he huffed.

"I did get the impression from previous encounters that it gave you some measure of pleasure," Ianto said. Jack laughed.

"Oh yeah, more than some measure of pleasure. I'm sure you're tired of me saying it, but you're amazing!" Ianto rubbed his hands up and down Jack's thighs. Jack put his hands over Ianto's stilling them. "Stand up."

Ianto stood and removed his makeshift bib.

"I'm going to send Sid a thank you note for these knees," Ianto said brushing off his trousers. He continued brushing upwards. He rubbed his hard on. He let his head fall back and closed his eyes. "This fabric feels great. You can always feel quality."

Jack reached out and pushed Ianto's hand away. He replaced it with his own pressing against Ianto's cock.

"I see what you mean. That's definitely quality." Ianto hummed his agreement. "And even this obvious bulge doesn't distort the look," Jack said tracing the outline of Ianto's erection. "You should have him make all your suits."

"I intend to. Maybe you should get a suit, too. Yours has seen better days." Ianto kept his eyes closed.

"I'll have you know that suit is the height of fashion," Jack said. He ran his fingers down the pinstripes across Ianto's crotch.

"It was for 1986. Not exactly a time known for timeless design."

"You have a point," Jack chuckled. "Take your trousers off."

Ianto gracefully slipped off his shoes. He made a show out of unfastening his trouser and sliding them down. He carefully folded them in half and laid them over the back of a chair.

"Oh my God, Ianto," Jack exclaimed. "Your underwear matches your shirt!" Ianto looked down at his boxer briefs pretending he hadn't noticed.

"So it would appear," he said dryly.

"They look a little tight," Jack said licking his lips.

"Luckily, they are stretchy," Ianto said. He turned his back to Jack then twisted at the waist. He pulled up his shirt tail. "Do they look tight in the back?"

"Like a second skin," Jack said. He groped Ianto's ass like he had previously.

Jack pulled on Ianto's hips making him take several steps backwards towards the couch. Jack slipped a hand between the boxer brief and Ianto's butt. He pulled his hand out then grabbed the waistband. He slipped it over Ianto's erection and peeled the underwear down so the fabric was doubled around Ianto's thighs.

"That Amy girl doesn't know what she's talking about. It isn't the suit that makes your bum look nice." Jack leaned forward and kissed each of Ianto's ass cheeks.

"I'll add idiot to my list of her qualities that annoy me," Ianto said. Jack hands began kneading him again and Ianto stopped concentrating on the conversation.

Jack turned Ianto around and adjusted the underwear bunched below Ianto's scrotum. He weighed Ianto's sack in his hand. He leaned in and lightly kissed the head of Ianto's cock.

"Ianto," he breathed his lips so close Ianto could feel them ghost along his shaft. Ianto shuddered. Jack laughed and sat back.

"And you accuse me of being a tease," Ianto said putting his hands on his hips and looking down at Jack.

"What would you rather have," Jack said mischievously, "your big, delicious cock in my mouth or my cock in your hot, wonderful ass?" Ianto pretended to think about it.

"Given those options, I suppose your beautiful, hard dick in my hot, tight arse." Ianto smirked at Jack's reaction. He loved it when Jack got that stunned look. He decided to push it. "Not that I'm the director, but if it were up to me, I'd have you bend me over the arm of the couch and slam into me until I'm panting like a dog and seeing stars. But whatever," he added casually.

Jack groaned then took a deep breath. He leaned forward and pulled the boxer briefs down to Ianto's ankles and urged him to step out of them.

"We definitely need to start having phone sex," Jack said wrapping his fingers around Ianto's shaft. He held him tightly.

"If you'd like, sir, I could go home and call you," Ianto said cheekily. Jack let go of Ianto and playfully slapped Ianto's erection.

"Don't tempt me," Jack said standing.

"Wouldn't dream of it, sir."

"Seeing as you've been such a good boy, I'll grant your wish," Jack smiled. He quickly schooled his features. "Take off the rest of your clothes," he said removing his own shirt and undershirt. A few moments later Jack was looking Ianto over appreciatively. "Bend over," he said patting the arm of the couch.

Ianto picked up another napkin and draped it daintily over the arm. Jack couldn't contain his laughter. He wrapped his arms around Ianto from behind, still chuckling, and kissed his shoulder.

"That is so you." Jack turned Ianto in his arms holding him lightly. "I adore you," he said repeating Ianto's words from their shaving encounter.

"That's because I'm adorable," Ianto replied as Jack had done. He kissed Jack's lips gently. "You're pretty damn adorable, too." They kissed again this time with messy desire. Ianto pulled away after a moment.

"You're also very sexy and I need you to fuck me right now." Ianto leaned over the arm of the couch and tried to find a comfortable position. "This might not be the best idea," he said looking sideways at Jack. "The height's all wrong."

"Too bad," Jack said standing behind him. He pushed on Ianto's shoulders until his torso was on the couch and his feet were off the floor. Jack grabbed Ianto's ass with both hands and ground his palms into the flesh.

"Jack..." Ianto tried to sit up, but Jack slapped his ass.

"Shhh," Jack said rubbing the cheek he'd spanked while continuing to manipulate the other. "I'm trying to concentrate." Jack kissed the cheek he had been rubbing. He licked a trail to the other cheek. He spread Ianto open and licked along his cleft.

Ianto thrashed under Jack. Jack held him down. He repositioned his hands to hold Ianto's cheeks apart and stretched a thumb down to rub against Ianto's hole. Jack replaced his thumb with his tongue. He drooled over Ianto and flicked his tongue around the opening. Jack put his index finger in his mouth then eased it into Ianto up to the first knuckle. He wiggled it around until Ianto made a whining sound.

"Pay close attention," Jack began, "because you're going to do everything I do to you and your perfect ass to me in round 2." He plunged his finger in all the way and Ianto yelped. Jack spit more saliva onto his finger. Jack moved his finger in and out quickly then added a second with barely a hesitation.

Ianto's mind was a blank haze. With difficulty, he made a mental note of Jack's ministrations. The sensations in his body were drowning out everything else, everything but the distant thought that he and Jack's positions would be exchanged and it would be Jack falling apart beneath him.

"You like that, don't you," Jack asked stretching Ianto's asshole. "But it isn't enough. You want a big, hard dick. You need it. You need to feel me inside you. Tell me."

"I..." Ianto's mouth was dry. He swallowed and tried again. "I need you inside me." Ianto was suddenly too aware of his erection trapped under him as it throbbed against his abdomen. "Please, Jack...please fuck me..."

"Oh I'm gonna fuck you alright." Jack removed his fingers and plastered his body against Ianto's. He kissed and nipped at Ianto's neck. He nuzzled against Ianto's ear. "Let me know if it hurts too much," he whispered and pressed a gentle kiss to his ear. Jack returned his attention to Ianto's behind. He smeared precome around Ianto's hole and rubbed it in with the tip of his straining cock. He pulled Ianto as open as he could and pressed in.

Ianto had no intention of saying anything even if Jack split him in half and as Jack slowly pressed inside that was exactly how it felt to Ianto. His fingers were white from gripping the couch. He concentrated on the trail of sweat running down his spine. Every nerve in his body seemed more sensitive and each was transmitting the same message – more, harder, faster, deeper. While it hurt, he was impatient for Jack to move.

"Jack," he breathed.

"Ianto," Jack replied in a breathy hush.

"Please," Ianto said and tried to push back into Jack. Having no real leverage, his effort only served to rub his cock minutely against the napkin. Jack slowly pulled almost completely out then rammed back in balls deep. Ianto yelled and arched.

"Desperate for it, aren't you," Jack said pulling out and thrusting in again. "I'll give it to you, baby." Jack's strokes became faster and, while Ianto didn't think it possible, deeper.

A particularly hard direct hit to his prostate left him seeing stars. Another hit and he thought he was going to pass out. He tried to speak, but couldn't. The next thing he was aware of was a feeling of emptiness as Jack pulled out of him.

"I think that qualifies for 'panting like a dog'," Jack said rubbing circles on Ianto's back. He helped Ianto stand up and Ianto hoped he didn't seem as unsteady on his feet as he felt.

"And I definitely saw stars. Lots of stars. Maybe even a super nova," Ianto said. Jack kissed him and led him to the front of the couch. He gently pushed Ianto onto his back and manhandled him into a more comfortable position. Jack plundered Ianto's slack mouth and Ianto found the strength to pull him close. Jack brought their foreheads together.

"I'm so close, Ianto. This isn't going to take long." Jack sat up and spread Ianto's legs. He stroked Ianto's painfully hard cock making Ianto grimace. "I feel you see what I mean." Jack maneuvered Ianto until he had a good position to reenter him. He took a few slow strokes before sinking his fingers into Ianto's thighs and thrusting hard and fast and with total abandon.

Ianto tried to keep his eyes open. He thought Jack looked amazing with his sweaty brow and eyes clouded with lust. Jack wrapped a fist around his cock and he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer. Moments later he was moaning Jack's name as he came. Ianto was able to open his eyes just in time to watch Jack as his orgasm overtook him. Instead of his usual orgasmic battle cry in some unknown language or an extended groan, Ianto was overwhelmed when Jack screamed his name. Hearing his name at that moment from those lips was more satisfying than any sex.

Jack leaned down and kissed Ianto then flopped bonelessly onto the couch half on top of Ianto. Ianto wrapped his arms around him and kissed his temple. They were both silent for several moments simply enjoying the feeling of being together.

"Ianto?"

"Yes, Jack," Ianto replied carding his fingers through Jack's sweat dampened hair.

"Remind me next time we play fashion runway to break out the camera."

Ianto chuckled and made a mental note to delete the CCTV footage before Jack made a copy of it.

Eventually, Ianto's stomach growled and they ordered in a late lunch followed by the promised round 2 and an unexpected, but amazing round 3 in the shower. Ianto was trying to fasten the buttons on his waistcoat while Jack was equally determined to undo them when they heard the proximity alarms and the sound of the cog door rolling open.

Ianto went to make coffee waving to Tosh on the way. By the time he was finished, Owen had arrived in a better mood than anyone had seen him in since Diane left. He made some teasing comments about Ianto's new suit, but they were far less vicious than his recent barbs. They were discussing the rabid Weevil when an alarm sounded from Tosh's computer.

"It's the alarm I set for that alien energy. There was a massive spike – the largest I've seen since we started monitoring it," Tosh said typing at her keyboard. Ianto looked at the monitor over her shoulder.

"Mick's house falls within those parameters. Maybe Dave's there," Ianto said. "Is there any danger?"

"I've told you," Owen said with exasperation. "That energy is perfectly harmless. Your buddy Dave is probably having the time of his life, lucky bastard. I'm going to do something more useful than worrying over pensioners and slice and dice that Weevil," he said heading to autopsy.

"I'm sure it's fine, Ianto," Tosh said sympathetically.

Ianto was about to speak when he felt a hand on his back.

"You are a natural born worrier," Jack said. He squeezed Ianto's shoulder. Ianto looked and saw Tosh smiling broadly. He tried to slip out of Jack's hold.

"Jack, Owen might see," he mumbled.

"It's not like he can tell from a friendly hand on your shoulder that we spent most of the day having mind blowing sex."

Ianto closed his eyes and felt the blood drain from his face. Tosh put a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing.

"I'll go to the Archives to die from embarrassment now," Ianto said shrugging out from Jack's hand and adjusting his tie. He was only two steps away when he heard Jack turn to Tosh.

"He looks so sexy when he's embarrassed," Jack said. Ianto turned.

"Good thing you like it since you'll only be looking," Ianto said before turning and going on to the Archives.

An hour later, Ianto's phone rang with the bad news.


	21. Journey Blue

A/N: Hokey smokes! I just realized I accidentally edited out an entire week a few chapters ago. Nothing really happened in that week, but Ianto did the usual – sex with Jack, defending the Earth, playing cards with unrepentant elderly gangsters... It makes me worry what else I might have snipped out so if anything in the story doesn't make sense, send me a PM or mention it in a review. Thanks!

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Chapter 21 – Journey Blue

Ianto walked back to the main work area of the Hub on autopilot. He was glad Jack was standing by Tosh's workstation while she showed him something on her monitor. He felt drained and he didn't want to walk up any more stairs than he had to. Guilt had sucked the life right out of him.

"Ianto, is everything okay," Toshiko said spying him first. Jack looked up and bounded over to his side.

"Hey, you okay? You look pale," Jack said rubbing Ianto's back.

Ianto had tried to stay stoic, but he didn't have the strength. He looked up to Jack with watery eyes.

"It's all my fault," he croaked.

Jack and Tosh exchanged looks and shrugs.

"What's your fault," Jack asked turning Ianto to face him.

"Dave," Ianto began. "He had a massive coronary at Mick's. They said he was dead before he hit the ground." Jack pulled Ianto into a hug which he didn't fight. "If I hadn't taken that lighter..."

"Ianto, no. No, this isn't your fault. He was an old man with health problems," Jack said cupping Ianto's face. "You are not to blame."

"If anything, you helped him have a few great days," Tosh added. "He was happy."

"Right," Ianto said, "he was full of life, full of energy, alien energy that I contaminated him with! Who knows how long he might have lived if his pace maker hadn't been affected."

"For all you know, he would have died a week ago without that extra jolt. Dave was happy. Didn't he say he didn't want to cling on to life when he could be out living," Jack asked. Ianto nodded. "And thanks to you he got to live large up till the end." Ianto stepped out of Jack's embrace feeling self-conscious of his display of emotion and his neediness to be comforted by Jack. It only added to the guilt he felt. The only saving grace Ianto could see was Owen being too busy to notice.

"Owen will need to go to the morgue and remove the pace maker," Ianto said regaining his professional mask. "He can use the cover of a potential law suit against the manufacturer."

"I'll let Owen know," Tosh said getting up from her workstation. She looked at Ianto awkwardly. "I'm sorry about your friend. He sounded like a sweet old man."

"Thanks, Tosh," Ianto replied.

Dave was a sweet old man. He was an extortionist, a swindler, and a notorious tax cheat, but he was still a good man in his way, Ianto thought. Ianto hoped when he died people would be able to see beyond the more questionable moral choices in his life and think of him as a good person. He doubted it, but he could hope.

Yes, Dave was a nice guy and thanks to me he's a dead guy, Ianto thought.

"I need to go over to Dylan's and see the guys. Maybe there's something I can help with for the funeral." Ianto moved to walk away, but Jack grabbed him lightly by the arms. He kissed Ianto's forehead.

"I'm sorry you have another funeral to go to. Do you want me to go with you to Dylan's?" Jack stroked the side of Ianto's face in a gesture that suggested more intimacy to Ianto than any of the things they'd done that day.

"No, I'll be fine. I'll give them Capo Jack's regards," he added with a faint smile.

"You do that. And if there's anything else we can do, you let me know."

"Thank you, Jack," Ianto said putting his hand over Jack's. Ianto felt a familiar ache as their eyes met. Ianto felt a lump in his throat at the compassion he saw in Jack's eyes. On impulse, he placed a chaste kiss on Jack's lips. He pulled back and smiled hoping Jack understood all the things he couldn't say. Jack smiled back and Ianto thought he got the message.

The atmosphere at Dylan's was understandably subdued. Ianto poured himself a whiskey and gave Ice Cream and Tom a refill. He never knew what to say in these situations so he fell into the familiar habit of serving drinks.

Mick arrived a few minutes later. He looked shaken and he eagerly accepted the drink Ianto offered him. He took a deep slug.

"I called Dave's son. He said if we plan the funeral he'll try to get down here for it," Mick stared at his glass while the rest of the men looked at each other.

"I know he and Dave weren't close, but isn't that a bit harsh," Ianto asked.

"He thinks he's too important. Dave worked hard to put Rick through school and all he's ever been able to do is look down his nose at him. He thinks our line of work is something to be ashamed of. Well that didn't stop him from asking for money when his 'portfolio' flopped last year," Mick ranted.

Ianto regretted bringing it up. He lied about his father's professional all the time, but it had less to do with being ashamed of his job and more to do with having conjured an imaginary father he wasn't afraid of who became more real to him than his Tad.

"It's just as well," Tom said. "Dave was one of us. We'll take care of it."

"Did he have anything prearranged," Ianto asked. Working for Torchwood he didn't have to worry about such things for himself, but even so he had listed out instructions in his personnel file he hoped Jack would follow when the time came. It included a wrongful death cover story to explain the money he would be leaving his family. In such a dangerous line of work, Ianto thought it was the responsible thing to do.

"Nah, he thought it was bad luck," Dylan said. "Barlow and Sons in Canton has always down well by us. I'm sure they won't let us down." Mick nodded.

"Yeah, I guess I'll go down tomorrow morning and see if they can sort something out."

"I could go with you, if you'd like," Ianto offered. He didn't expect his offer to be accepted, but he felt the need to do something. Regardless of what Jack and Tosh said and irrespective of the logic, Ianto felt the guilt as if he were complicit in Dave's death.

"I'd appreciate that, Jaunty," Mick said taking another long sip. "Jack won't mind giving you another morning off?"

"Not at all," Ianto said sure Jack wouldn't mind. "He sends his condolences."

"Remember Jimmy Davies' funeral," Dylan asked beginning an evening of reminiscing and storytelling.

The next day Ianto met Mick in the parking lot of the funeral home. As expected, Jack didn't have a problem with it. Ianto hoped he'd be back at the Hub before Owen. The last thing he wanted to hear was some snarky comments about how he hardly even knew Dave yet was swanning off to plan his funeral.

"Thanks for this, Jaunty," Mick said as they walked inside. "I really didn't want to do this on my own and the others aren't good at this type of thing."

"I'd have thought Tom would have a real flair for it," Ianto said holding the door open for Mick.

"Nah. It hits too close to home. I'm surprised you volunteered to come along."

"I'm good at organizing things," Ianto said trying to keep the thoughts of previous funerals to the back of his mind. He hoped Mick didn't question his motives too much. Explaining he felt guilty for contaminating Dave and then doing nothing about it would only lead to Retcon.

The funeral director was a somber, but friendly man. Ianto had briefly thought about a similar profession, but he wasn't sure he could consistently relay the level of polite, but distant compassion required. Five years later and sitting across the desk discussing Dave, Ianto realized he would have easily been able to maintain the correct demeanor after practicing for years within Torchwood. He added it to the list of his future job possibilities or what he thought of as his post-Torchwood escapist fantasies. Funeral director was more practical than scuba diver/sunken treasure hunter.

When they stood to go to the casket showroom, Mick, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, didn't move. Ianto looked at the man's eyes and recognized the look. His best friend/colleague/partner in crime of the last 50 years wasn't coming back. Shared memories and inside jokes were now his alone. Ianto put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"If you'd like," Ianto began, "I could take a look and limit the choices down."

"Just pick something," Mick said not looking up. Tears were forming in his eyes. "I'm sure you're chose something classy."

Ianto patted Mick's shoulder and followed the funeral director to the showroom. He was afraid he would chose badly, but then he saw among the oak and maple caskets a shiny powder blue one with shiny silver accents. It was not the kind of receptacle he would pick for himself, but it immediately reminded him of one of Dave's stories about his beloved Thunderbird he'd received in payment for some kind of illegal transaction.

"You should have seen me, Jaunty," Ianto remembered Dave saying. "Driving that American behemoth around town like the King of Cardiff! It was a gorgeous 1957 Thunderbird convertible in Starmist Blue. Ah, I loved that car! I wanted to be buried in it."

It seemed like fate.

Mick returned to his usual affable self by the time Ianto finished the arrangements. He gave his approval of the coffin with an affectionate chuckle. He agreed Dave would have loved it whether it was called powder blue, Starmist Blue, or, as the funeral director insisted, Journey Blue. Ianto insisted on paying for at least part of the expense. Mick refused at first, but eventually relented when Ianto insisted it was a show of respect on behalf of himself, Capo Jack, and their associates.

The plans made, Ianto went to Torchwood. He was preoccupied with all the funerals he'd been to over the years starting with his mother. It seemed as though his entire life was punctuated by someone else's death. While he made some coffee, he was too consumed with his morbid thoughts to hear Owen.

"Oi! Are you listening to me," Owen asked grabbing Ianto's shoulder and turning him around. Ianto's first reaction was to hit him, but, luckily for Owen, Ianto's mind overrode his instinct and he glared at him instead.

"Did you want something," Ianto asked in a tone that should have made it clear the answer was "no, thank you" and a hurried exit.

"Yeah, I want a coffee and a nap and bit of quiet and it wouldn't kill you to thank me for straightening out your mess last night." Owen glared back at Ianto. If Owen had been reading from a book entitled _The Perfectly Wrong Thing to Say at Precisely the Wrong Moment Expanded Edition with Examples for Men Named Ianto_ he could scarcely have made a greater faux pas.

"My mess! What about your fucking mess," Ianto yelled backing Owen away until the medic was standing at the top of the stairs. He heard heavy footfalls on the metal stairs, but Ianto ignored them. "You said the alien energy was safe! You said it was nothing to worry about!"

"Ianto, mate..." Owen tried to interrupt.

"Did you even look at the results of Tosh's tests or did you just take it on faith everything would be fine? Are you so consumed with your self-pity you couldn't bother to make sure people weren't in danger?" Ianto was still pressing forward, but was stopped by a strong hand on his chest.

"Stand down, Ianto," Jack said. Ianto's eyes narrowed and moved from Jack's face to his hand fingers splayed on Ianto's chest.

"Crazy teaboy needs a fucking shrink," Owen muttered quickly descending the stairs.

"That's enough, Owen," Jack barked. "Are you okay," he asked rubbing his hand up Ianto's chest to the side of his neck. Ianto batted Jack's hand off and returned to the coffee maker. Jack followed and placed a hand lightly on his back.

"You're just as bad," Ianto said not looking at Jack and missing the look of shock on his face. "Did you only have Tosh investigate the energy to appease me?"

"You might recall I was concerned about you. I was relieved to find out it was harmless." Ianto spun around and faced Jack.

"Harmless? Dave's dead," Ianto glowered.

"Yes, and I'm sorry, but he was an old man living on borrowed time. I know you are angry and upset because your friend died, but this isn't your fault and it isn't my fault or Owen's. You can't even blame the Rift. He was old and unwell," Jack said not unkindly.

"Is that what Owen's autopsy said? He was going to die anyway," Ianto asked feeling guilty for his outburst. He wondered if he would ever make it to a point in his life when he didn't feel guilty about something.

"Well," Jack began and Ianto looked up at the hesitation. "Owen didn't actually do an autopsy. He did retrieve the pace maker and it's contained."

"So he cut him open, took out what he needed, and left him," Ianto said angry.

"He looked at Dave's medical file and he examined the heart while he was removing the implant. He said the man wasn't well. There isn't any need for him to do an autopsy." Jack tilted his head and reached for Ianto again massaging two handfuls of triceps. "If you want, I'll have Owen go back and claim the body. We can swap it for one of the John Does in Cold Storage."

Ianto ground his teeth and put his hands on his hips. He turned his head to the left purposely not looking at Jack.

"Or not," Jack offered.

"It's up to me," Ianto half asked, half stated.

"Yep. You're in charge. We'll do whatever you want." Jack smiled.

"Even though you think it's a waste of time and resources, you'd do that for me," Ianto asked.

"Absolutely," Jack said stepping closer to Ianto. "I'd do anything to make you feel better." He leaned in closer. "Anything," he whispered before leaning back.

"You're unbelievable." Jack smiled broader. "It's like you don't even know me." Jack stopped smiling. "Either this was a case, you didn't take it seriously enough, and you need to correct that wrong or you're willing to waste everybody's time to make me feel better."

"Isn't there an option where I don't sound like a dick," Jack asked with a lopsided grin.

"Is there a way for you to not be a dick?"

"Some people would be flattered at the lengths I'd go to trying to make them happy." Jack mirrored Ianto's arms akimbo stance.

"Sure because being patronized is so complimentary. I'm quite touched." Ianto fixed Jack with a stare and was rewarded with Jack looking away and worrying his lip. It was only a moment of satisfaction quickly followed by more guilt for making Jack look hurt. Ianto unintentionally sighed loudly. "Go to your office and I'll make some coffee."

"See? You like making decisions," Jack said smiling weakly.

"Best you leave me to the coffee before I make a few more," Ianto warned turning back to the coffee machine. Jack quickly went to his office.


	22. Putting the F U Back in Funeral

A/N:

I almost lost these next three chapters while editing them so I decided they would be safer here (out of my hands) even if I don't like how they turned out. On the plus side, while trying to retrieve them I found a much shorter fic I started at some point that just needs an ending so that might be a good palette cleanser before the sequel to this begins. As always - thanks for your support!

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Chapter 22 – Putting the F U Back in Funeral

Everyone gave Ianto a wide berth for the next day and a half. Eventually. Gwen offered her condolences, explained to Ianto why his feelings were inappropriate, and spent the next hour sobbing in Jack's office after Ianto told her exactly what he thought about her much touted empathy. After that, everyone gave him space.

The funeral was scheduled to begin at 10. Ianto picked up Dylan and Tom and they arrived at 9 expecting Dave's son Rick and his family to be there. They weren't. Ianto wasn't sure what the turnout would be like so he was pleasantly surprised to find several dozen mourners arrive by 9:30. Ianto, Dylan, Tom, Ice Cream, and Mick were discussing the turnout when Rick, his wife, and their two children finally arrived. Rick glared at them and went to speak to the funeral director. A few moments later Ianto spied Sid and his granddaughter Amy.

It was ten till ten when Ianto finally sat down next to Tom. He was barely seated when he felt someone sit down on the pew next to him. Too close to him. Rudely close, thigh against thigh, to him. He decided not to look, but couldn't pretend the man wasn't there as a hand shot out across him to meet Tom's in a handshake.

"Good to see you again, Tom," Jack said placing his left hand on Ianto's shoulder for balance.

"Jack! I'm glad you could make it," Tom said clearly surprised by the other man's attendance.

Ianto couldn't ignore him any longer and turned to look at him. Instead of his usual uniformed style, Jack was wearing a black suit, a white shirt, and a black and blue tie. Ianto was impressed. He was also touched that Jack would go to such effort.

"I only met Dave a few times, but he seemed like a real standup guy. I thought it was only fitting I should come and pay my respects," Jack said sincerely.

The service was short. Dave wasn't an especially religious man and they had all agreed Dave was the first one to complain about long funerals. He'd also be the last to make it to the graveside service especially during his smoking years. They also agreed, with endearment, he was the first to get to the pub afterwards.

After the service, Ianto took Jack aside before going to the cemetery for the grave side service. He wasn't sure why Jack had taken the time to come, but he was glad he had and he wanted to make that clear to him. He didn't want to apologize to him, but, as was the dynamic in their relationship, he knew he probably would.

"You put together a nice funeral," Jack said.

"The very expensive flowers I picked out for you to send came out well."

"Thanks to you the florist must think I have excellent taste," Jack replied.

"It was very kind of you to come, sir," Ianto said to keep from saying something inappropriate.

"Well, Dave seemed like a nice guy and he was your friend so it seemed appropriate to come. Besides, how often do I get to rub elbows with people who think I'm a mafia don?" He smiled and Ianto felt the familiar yearning to be closer to Jack.

Jack put a hand on Ianto's shoulder and he could tell Jack wanted to touch his face. Ianto appreciated Jack's restraint, but it made him want to hold him even more.

"And you were there for me at Estelle's funeral. I know how death affects you. I know a part of you feels guilty for still being alive. I'm here to say I'm here for you and I'm glad you're alive." Jack squeezed Ianto's shoulder. Ianto wanted nothing more than to have Jack's arms around him. He silently cursed his weakness. Jack's words did little to assuage his guilt, but the effort gave him hope that maybe someday there would be a brighter day.

"It was nice of you to borrow a jacket appropriate for the occasion," Ianto said brushing off invisible lint from Jack's lapel.

"As a matter of fact, this happens to be mine. I asked your friend Sid to make it a little less 1986. He was able to rework the lapels and cuffs and here I am looking good enough to wake the dead."

"That's in rather poor taste, sir," Ianto said raising an eyebrow. "Sid did make a miracle happen, though," he added.

"You were wrong about his granddaughter, by the way. Yes, she hates you criminal types, but she's also got a thing for one bad boy in particular," Jack winked. Ianto winced.

"Jack! Please tell me you didn't! You have no restraint..."

"Hey," Jack interrupted. "I didn't! I could have. You know if I turned on the charm I could have anyone, but I was a good boy. I meant she has a thing for you." Jack poked two fingers into Ianto's chest. "Apparently after hearing about you from your chums, she has the image of you as a tragic, romantic figure. Women her age really go for that. You should practice that pensive, distant stare look. She'd probably swoon over that."

Ianto rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It would be so easy to tell Jack that Ianto wasn't interested in attracting Amy or anyone else. He knew on an instinctual level that Jack didn't want to hear Ianto's declarations of love. Ianto was glad he'd managed to get by with his declaration of adoration. He assumed Jack thought he was joking, but knowing he'd said it, regardless of how Jack took it, made him feel a little better.

"We need to get a move on, Jaunty," Dylan said stopping Ianto from struggling through the conversation with Jack. Dylan gave him a strange look. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Uh, no..." Ianto fumbled.

"I was just giving him some tips on wooing women," Jack said. "He has a secret admirer," he stage whispered. Dylan chuckled.

"Good for you lad," Dylan said. "I don't know what I'd do without my Erzsi. It's good to hear you're up to dating again."

"Oh no no," Ianto quickly corrected. "I never said that. Jack thinks it's funny to tease me. Don't encourage him." Jack opened his mouth to say something and Ianto held up a hand. "And you can stop right there. This is hardly the time or the place to mock my social inadequacies."

"Fine, I'll wait and mock you later. Dylan, sorry about your friend," Jack said shaking Dylan's hand. "I've got to get back to work. I'll call you if we need you and I expect you to call me if you need me, understand Soldier?"

"Yes, sir," Ianto said. "We probably should get to the cemetery. I'll see you later, sir." Ianto caught Jack's brief smile and knew he understood what he meant. Beyond a promise of later sexual thrills, it was Ianto's way of apologizing and Jack's way of accepting. Ianto marveled at their silent communion and how they seemed to communicate better when they didn't speak.

The graveside service was brief, but as a tradition, the old friends and Ianto stayed by the grave until the casket was lowered and the grave filled.

"Dave was my best friend," Mick began, "and he was my mentor. I'll miss him more than I can say." Mick swallowed down the emotion so clearly written on his face. He pulled out a silver flask. "We will all miss you, my friend." He took a swig from the flask and passed it to Dylan. They each took a drink and when the flask returned to Mick he poured the rest of the contents on the grave.

The Dragon's Tale was a traditional pub. Ianto had never been there, but based on stories Mick and Dave told he had a slight feeling of déjà vu when he walked in. When Mick was first starting out, the Dragon was one of his first jobs. In exchange for 'insurance', Mick 'encouraged' the owners to buy their glassware from a particular source. With Dave's help, the potentially adversarial situation became a friendly partnership. At some point Dave and Mick had become silent partners in the pub. They didn't spend as much time there in recent years, but Mick still made the effort to pop in at least once a week.

"Jaunty Jones, this is Paul Jones, everyone favorite publican," Mick said introducing the large man walking out from behind the bar.

"Jaunty Jones! Nice to put a face to the name and voice," the barman said shaking Ianto's hand in a powerful grip.

"It certainly is, Mr. Jones," Ianto agreed trying not to wince as his fingers were smashed together. Paul Jones looked nothing like he expected. He was tall, powerfully built, and Ianto guessed in his early 30s. Ianto had been expecting someone smaller and older. "Did the food arrive alright?"

"It certainly did," Paul enthused. "They set up those heat table things by the billiard table. You know, I just might start hiring them in for like a Friday lunch or something. People are always saying they want more than a cold sandwich for lunch. That might really bring the lunch punters in."

"There was a time when Paulie's mother, God bless her, would be back in that kitchen whipping up a feast anytime day or night," Mick reminisced.

"It's just too much of an expense to run a kitchen," Paul said. "We can make up sandwiches and we have a deep fryer so we get by with some snacks, but it would cost too much to bring the kitchen back up to code, hire a full time cook, stock the food..."

"I know," Mick sighed, "but it doesn't mean I don't miss the old days. I still remember sitting at that booth," Mick said pointing to a booth in the back that was on a platform raising it about a foot higher than the other booths, "with Dave, Big Paul, and Tom trying to get some business done, but stopping every two minutes to taste test some new concoction Sarah came up with." Mick brought his fingertips to his mouth and threw a kiss in the air. "She was an angel in the kitchen."

"You could call her and say hello," Paul said. "She isn't dead, you know." Ianto was surprised to hear that. From the way Mick was talking he assumed she was dead.

"She's in Florida! Might as well be dead! Honestly, Jaunty, can you imagine living with all that sunshine? It must be like living the same day over and over."

"I wouldn't mind suffering through that," Ianto replied.

"You'd be bored in week! You are far too Welsh to really enjoy that kind of happiness," Mick said.

Ianto smiled and scanned the crowd while Mick and Paul chatted. He was happy to see Dave's son on the other side of the bar. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to him, but Ianto felt it was important for him to express his condolences.

"So Jaunty," Paul said slapping him on the back, "what can we get you to drink?"

"Did Dave have a usual drink," Ianto asked hoping it wasn't something unpalatable.

"He liked his bourbon," Mick said. "Back in the day we use to drink Boilermakers like mother's milk."

"Ok," Ianto said thinking one couldn't hurt. "A round of Boilermakers on me so we can give Dave a proper send off." Paul stepped behind the bar and helped his bartender pull pints and pour shots. Mick, Ianto, and Ice Cream handed out the drinks for Dave's salute. Ianto noted Dave's son refused in favor of his lager. Ianto hoped he just didn't drink spirits and not that he was making a statement. His intuition told him it was the latter.

Paul rang the bell at the bar and called for silence. He gave Mick the floor.

"I'd like to thank everyone for joining us in our celebration of Dave's life. As most of you know, he was my best friend. He could be a right pain when he wanted to be, but I'm going to miss him. I…" Mick choked on the words and clutched Ianto's elbow. Ianto immediately stepped in.

"I didn't know Dave as long as I would have liked, but I think that's true for everybody here. We'll always want to hear one more story, play one more hand, or hear him make one more complaint," Ianto said smiling. Several "here here"s and a few chuckles were heard. Ianto held up his beer and his shot. "If Dave were here he'd tell me to stop wasting everybody's time and get to the good part. To Dave," Ianto said as he carefully dropped the shot into the beer mug. There was a chorus of "Dave" and a dozen or so accompanying splashes.

An hour later, Ianto was feeling the continuous drinks people were pressing into his hand as they complimenting him on his speech, thanked him for his efforts in honoring Dave's memory, and told him their favorite Dave stories. He was embarrassed by the number of people who had assumed he was Dave's son or grandson. It reminded him he had yet to speak to Dave's real son. He scanned the room and found him at the bar drinking a shot of what Ianto thought was tequila.

"Hello," Ianto said holding his hand out to Dave's son. "Ianto Jones. I'm terribly sorry for your loss." He glared at Ianto's outstretched hand.

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you? You seem to have made yourself a nice little place in his life," he said angrily slurring his words. Ianto bit his lip and tried to think of something to say. Rick plowed on before Ianto could think of anything. "I hear you're the one responsible for that ridiculous funeral. Maybe I should send you the bill! I don't know where people like you come from dropping in and making yourself at home in other people's lives…" Rick picked up his beer chaser and drank a healthy gulp giving Ianto an opportunity to speak even though he still wasn't sure what to say.

"He was my friend, Rick. I liked him. We've already paid for his funeral so don't worry about the expense. And," Ianto added trying not entirely successfully to sound bitter, "people like me have to make ourselves at home in other people's lives because we don't have the luxury of family and happiness on our own."

"Oh poor you! How your life of crime has made you suffer! You probably expect me to say I don't want your blood money burying my father, but you know what? It's fitting! He was a thieving, untrustworthy bastard when he was alive so it's fitting for it to follow him to the grave," Rick spat, literally, at Ianto.

"I think you've had enough to drink," Ianto said grabbing his arm none too gently as he signaled the barman. "Spirits and grief clearly don't agree with you."

"How dare you," Rick said pulling his arm out of Ianto's hold.

"Let's go outside and get some air," Ianto said as he realized everyone was staring at him.

"Everything alright," Mick said forcing himself between Ianto and Rick. He put a friendly arm around each man's shoulders. Before Ianto could respond, Rick pushed Mick away. He stumbled and landed on the floor.

Ianto stepped into the space vacated by Mick and grabbed Rick by his jacket lapels.

"Watch it," Ianto said in a dangerous voice. "Maybe we should step out for something other than air."

"It's fine, Jaunty," Mick said as two of the guests helped him up. "Rick is just upset. No harm, no foul. He's working through his loss."

"Ha," Rick exclaimed. "And what would you know about working? You're as useless as my old man! Neither one of you did an honest day's work in your pathetic lives! It won't be long before you're burning in hell right next to him!"

"Right," Ianto said forcing Rick's arm behind his back and pushing him towards the door. "Time for us to have that little chat outside." Ianto manhandled him through the door and gave him a shove. "I don't care what your issues are, but you are going to calm down, go back in there, and remember the occasion."

Rick turned and caught Ianto by surprise with a right hook to his left eye. Ianto reacted and punched Rick in the abdomen. Another punch to his kidney made Rick's knees buckle. Ianto bent down to help him up, but Rick sucker punched him in the mouth. He didn't have a lot of force behind the punch, but he did manage to split Ianto's bottom lip. Ianto hit him with a left jab quickly followed by a right roundhouse. Rick was on the sidewalk puffing.

"I don't know what your issues are," Ianto said smoothly standing over Rick, "but at the moment, I don't care. You're going to either get up, get some manners, and get in there and apologize to Mick or I can call you a taxi."

Ianto offered Rick a hand, but he refused it.

"I think you broke my ribs," he finally huffed wrapping his arms around himself.

"Not hardly," Ianto answered. "Mind you, if you don't change your attitude I could."

"I didn't take you as, what do they call it, 'muscle' especially after seeing you with your boyfriend at the service." Rick struggled to get up and finally accepted Ianto's help.

"He's not my boyfriend. He's my boss. He'd probably shoot you if he heard you say that." Ianto wondered if anybody else had made that kind of observation.

"Pretty friendly for a boss," Rick said leaning against the brick building. Ianto was a little concerned it was taking so long for the man to get his breath back, but not enough to completely alleviate his annoyance.

"He's American," Ianto said.

"Ah," Rick nodded. "I thought it must have been something. Are you going to kill me for thinking you were gay? My dad would have."

"Comes with the territory of being neat, well dressed, and polite," Ianto said. "If I killed everyone who jumped to conclusions I'd have to buy ammo in bulk." Ianto didn't mention he already bought ammunition in bulk. Even a hired killer didn't go through as many bullets as Torchwood did.

"I'm not going to thank you for burying my father in that carnival ride casket," Rick began, "but I suppose I should thank you for planning it."

"It was symbolic of his prized Thunderbird," Ianto said.

"Oh," Rick said. "I guess he would have liked that. Still, it didn't look very dignified." He adjusted his tie as he spoke.

"I thought it was fitting and it would have been more undignified to have a funeral that didn't take his personality and style into account." Ianto stepped forward and re-adjusted Rick's tie. He pulled out an extra handkerchief and handed it to Rick and pointed at a smudge on his face. Ianto was glad he had it even if he'd slipped it into his pocket in case he had to offer it to a bereaved funeral goer. Rick looked at his reflection in a window and licked the handkerchief before scrubbing against the smudge.

"My kids hate me," Rick still looking at his reflection.

Ianto cursed whatever it was about him that made people feel not only comfortable enough around him to tell him their secrets and inner demons, but the need to confide in him. He placed a well-practiced hand on Rick's back.

"I'm sure they don't hate you. Family dynamics are always more complicated than that. I'm sure you don't really hate your father or," Ianto quickly added as the man stiffened, "at least, you don't only hate him. I hated my father, but especially after he died, I found I did love him. I didn't like him, but he was my tad. You'll probably get there eventually."

Ianto tensed as Rick abruptly turned to him. He was prepared for another round of violence, but Rick grabbed him in a hug and cried on his shoulder. Ianto patted the man on the back and after a few moments the man stopped crying and pulled away with an apology for being a soppy drunk. Ianto suggested they go back inside and Rick allowed him to steer him back to the door.

With the emotional outburst over, Rick was able to listen to a few funny stories about Dave and even shared a humorous story about Dave teaching him how to drive then teaching him how to outdrive the cops. Ianto felt a pang of guilt as Dylan talked about how energetic Dave had been in his last few days. Dylan insisted it was a kind of gift from the Universe or God or Nature so Dave could truly enjoy his final days. Everyone agreed. Outwardly, Ianto agreed, too. Inwardly, he thought the split lip and lightly blackened eye wasn't nearly punishment enough for his part in Dave's death.


	23. Drunk Talk

For some reason this file keeps being altered by FF. If you see any formatting problems let me know and I'll try to fix them. Some issues might be from my workarounds. *grr grumble grrr*

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Chapter 23 – Drunk Talk

Ianto knew he had too much to drink. He was also well aware it was only 4 pm. Everyone who had bought him a drink before he'd gone outside with Dave's son insisted on buying him another when he returned. Paul, who explained how thankful he was to not have a fight inside his pub, was also intent to make sure Ianto didn't go without a drink in his hand. Not wanting to be rude and feeling the need for a stiff drink or twelve, Ianto had smiled politely and accepted each drink. Ianto couldn't remember when he'd drank so much. Probably, he reasoned, not since his suspension after Lisa…He quickly downed the drink in his hand.

By 5, Ianto was aware of a few things he didn't like. His lips were numb. At first this was a good thing since his split lip had stung, but now it was aggravating. He felt like he was mumbling when he talked. He'd been told enough by Rhiannon that he mumbled that he tended to be self-conscious of it. Even Jack had told him he mumbled, but on at least one of those occasions some parts of Jack's anatomy didn't seem to mind at all.

That was another thing he didn't like at that moment. After a few rounds, Rick had told part of their altercation to the group at large. While he didn't mention crying, he did mention mistaken "that American" for Ianto's boyfriend instead of his boss. This won a lot of laughs that Ianto didn't feel like joining in. It also made him yearn to be near Jack. That, he decided, was bad. He shouldn't want to be in the same room as Jack so badly, but he did.

He also didn't like the way people were looking and nodding vaguely in his direction. He was sure it was paranoia or the effect of brawling with the deceased's next of kin, but it still irked him. Paul came over with another beer for Ianto and he watched a look pass between Paul and Mick. He was sure it had something to do with him.

Finally, he didn't like being talked about like he wasn't there. It happened to him all the time. It always annoyed him, but he was so used to it he ignored the feeling. Now he was drunk enough the mental shield that kept him from stating his feelings was dangerously weak.

"You have no idea how lucky you are Jaunty is a gentleman," Tom said to Rick throwing a sidelong glance at Ianto who was sitting between them. "He's a dangerous man, probably more dangerous than I was in my prime, definitely more so than I was at his age. When you get back to your banker buddies on the golf course you can tell them how you tangled with the notorious Jaunty Jones and survived to tell the tale! Not many have been that lucky!"

"I'm sure Rick doesn't want to hear about me," Ianto said.

"Pshaw! You're too modest, that's your problem. I bet if Capo Jack was here he'd tell a tale or two! Probably best for you he isn't here, Rick," Tom elaborated. "He's a real tough guy and he's real protective of his crew. And he wouldn't take kindly to your assumptions! It sounds to me like Jack is what in my day we called an unrepentant pussy hound. He was even giving Jaunty tips on picking up ladies at the service! Hand to God! Sid said he was flirting up a storm with his granddaughter until she let it slip she fancies Jaunty."

"Sid doesn't have to worry," Ianto interrupted. "I'm not in the market and I'll have a word with Jack. He tends to flirt first and think later. He's apparently very charming. Poor Amy was probably flustered by his attention and only mentioned me to see if she could distract him."

"I'll have to break it to Amy," Tom said in a way that let Ianto realize how inebriated he was as well. "Jaunty's in mourning," he told Rick in a conspiratorially way that made everyone in the bar stop and listen at least to Ianto's mind. "That kind of misfortune shouldn't befall someone so young, but he carries himself well, doesn't he? Wouldn't it be amazing if Amy was still single when he starts dating again? They'd make a lovely couple."

"I'm really not interested," Ianto began thinking about how obnoxious Sid's granddaughter was. What did it say about him if people thought they made a good couple?

"Maybe not now, but one day, maybe even tomorrow, it'll sneak up on you and you'll wake up and decide you don't want to be alone any more. I never had it in me, but he's got that look of stability about him, eh Rick," Tom asked turning his attention back to Rick. "He'll make a great family man someday."

"I don't recommend bringing up children in your world," Rick said and Ianto immediately changed the topic before things could return to the gloom of earlier. He didn't want to get into another fight especially when he wasn't sure he could control himself.

Ianto slinked away to the restroom a few minutes later and was glad to be alone. He wasn't used to being around so many people for so long. Between that and the booze he was feeling drained. He wanted to be alone. Liar, he told himself. Tom was right. It had sneaked up on him and he had woke up and realized he didn't want to be alone anymore. More specifically, he wanted to be with Jack.

With that sentimental thought in mind, he pulled out his phone and sent Jack a text. Jack immediately replied.

"Mission earlier. Bored now. BORED!" Ianto smiled at the message.

"I'm drunk," Ianto messaged back deciding not to indulge in all the ways he'd keep Jack from being bored.

"And horny?" Ianto laughed. Jack was so predictable!

"I got in a fight," he wrote back instead of the dozen obscene messages that went through his mind.

"?_?_? OK?_?_" Ianto smiled again. He knew he could read the message a hundred different ways, but he preferred to think Jack was concerned for him as a lover. He liked thinking that.

"Fine – kiss make better?" Ianto hit send then immediately regretted it. He was even mumbling in his texts! It didn't help that it was soppy.

"YES! WHEN?" Ianto chuckled and quickly texted back he would grab a cab and head to the Hub.

Jack wrote back that he would join him at the Dragon. Before Ianto could discourage him, Jack wrote back they would then go back to Ianto's place where he would examine his injuries and kiss him head to toe to make sure he didn't miss any spots. Ianto marveled at how fast Jack could type when he wanted to. He then sent a message saying he already had his coat on and was running to the SUV. Ianto decided that sounded like a great plan.

"Hey Tom," Ianto said when he returned to the group, "Jack's coming by. I've had too much to drink to drive you and Dylan home. If you want, Jack could drive you home, too. He's a really horrible driver. Just warning," Ianto added hoping Tom would say no.

"It's early yet! You can't go now," Tom said picking up a spare drink that had been left for Ianto in his absence and handing it to him.

"Yeah, sit down," Rick insisted. Ianto sat down and sipped his drink. He hoped it wouldn't take long for Jack to get there.

Not long later, Ianto finished his drink and sat the empty glass on the table. He sat back and someone pressed another drink into his hand. He was about to object when he realized it was Jack. Paul followed behind him with a tray of drinks.

"Jack Harkness," he said shaking Rick's hand. "This round is on me."

Ianto was disappointed Jack had changed clothes back to his usual uniform. Jack pulled a chair over and sat across the table from Ianto and next to Mick. Paul handed out the drinks and saved one for himself. Jack lifted his glass. "To Dave! May he forever be surrounded by good friends, good drinks, and easy marks." There was a clink of glasses and everyone drank. "Now," Jack continued after putting his drink down, "who am I going to have to kill for bruising my Welshman?"

"It's barely a scratch," Ianto quickly said.

"I'm not asking you, Soldier," Jack said smiling dangerously.

"It was a little misunderstanding," Rick said holding his hands palms out in front of him. "We're ok now, right, Jaunty?"

"Absolutely," Ianto said.

"Did he jump you? He doesn't look like someone you pummeled nearly to death," Jack joked easing back into his chair.

"Bit of a sucker punch," Ianto said. "I got some decent body blows in," he added sounding like a child who wanted to make it clear he had hit as many bull's-eyes at the carnival as his friend.

"It still feels like you broke my ribs," Rick chimed in. "I have to keep drinking to keep the pain away."

"Well as long as there are no hard feelings, I suppose I'll have to accept it. So you're Dave's son? I'm sorry for your loss. I only met him a few times, but he left a definite impression. The first time I saw him, Ianto was lacing up one of Dave's shoes in jail! I wish I had a camera!"

"Tad was in jail? When was this?" Rick looked around the table daring each man to answer him.

"It was no big deal," Mick finally said. "We weren't even in 24 hours. They weren't after us. They were after Jaunty and Jack's crew."

"You got him arrested," Rick accused looking at Ianto.

"Not exactly," Ianto said.

"It wasn't Jaunty's fault," Ice Cream said setting his drink down. Ice Cream didn't speak much so everyone always listened when he did. This was no exception. "Being harassed by the police is a professional risk. If anything, it cheered us all up! It was fun!"

"The rush of being arrested – especially when you know they ain't got nothing on ya," Tom said holding up his drink.

"The look on the cops' faces as you walk out scot free," Dylan added.

"That thrill of walking out knowing they can't stop you," Ianto added.

"Not that I want to do it again," Tom said, "but if I'm ever arrested again I hope it's with you lot." Tom clinked his glass against Ianto's and they drank.

"You don't see anything wrong with it, do you," Rick said shaking his head. "You all make it sound like a team bonding exercise! There's nothing funny about being arrested!" Everyone was silent. Ianto didn't know what to say to make it better for Rick so he opted for an exit.

"I should probably get going," Ianto said pushing his almost empty glass away. "You ready, boss?"

"He's barely touched his drink, Jaunty," Mick exclaimed.

"It's just water," Jack said standing up. "It wouldn't do for the designated driver to get blitzed."

"Anybody need a ride," Ianto said looking back and forth between Tom and Dylan.

"Nah," Dylan said with an exaggerated gesture. "It's too early! We'll get a cab. Or you could stay! You're too young to leave so early!"

"Unfortunately," Jack interrupted, "I need Ianto sober and steady early tomorrow. We really should all get together some time when we aren't working and the circumstances are happier."

"You'll have to come to my anniversary party," Dylan said pointing at Jack. Jack pointed back.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Jack said. Ianto smiled knowing Jack enjoyed these moments of pretending they had normal lives. He shook away the dismal thought that the Rift was probably counting down the days to the party and would ensure Jack and Ianto would miss it.

They said their goodbyes and walked outside. Ianto's mind was already in his flat. He wished he wasn't so glad to be with Jack, but he was. He idly wondered when he let Jack consume his thoughts so completely.

"You can stay a little longer if you want," Jack said as they walked to the SUV.

"A little while," Ianto questioned.

"Don't read too much into this," Jack warned. "I like you having friends outside of Torchwood. I really do," Jack said stopping and giving Ianto a serious look Ianto usual associated with a life and death situation, "but I don't want you to spend all your downtime with them." Jack threw his arms up in the air. "There, I said it. I'm such a horrible, greedy man I can't even let you attend a friend's funeral without having to pop up and scream 'look at me'."

Ianto laughed. He didn't mean to, but the alcohol made his brain fuzzy and he couldn't help himself. He stopped when he saw the hurt look on Jack's face.

"Sorry, Jack," Ianto said stressing the use of the name, "but I have a hard time seeing you as insecure. It's especially funny since you know how much I like being with you. I'd sell my soul to have two hours added to each day just so I could spend them with you." They stood and stared at each other until Ianto began to sway dangerously in the breeze and had to stumble a step to stay upright. Jack chuckled the rest of the way to the SUV.

"What's so funny," Ianto asked falling into the passenger seat.

"You are," Jack said fastening his seatbelt for him. "You, my perfect, immaculate Ianto Jones, are drunk."

"And horny," Ianto said wiggling his eyebrows. Jack laughed again.

"And I am a very lucky man," Jack said starting the engine.


	24. Lock Your Phone

A/N:

This chapter is a mess! I've rewritten it a dozen times. It's never worked. I'll write it, hate it, work on something else, come back and rewrite. While this chapter might be dreck, the plus side is the sequel to this story is almost done. I finally decided on this version just so I could move on to the end of the story.

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Chapter 24 – Lock Your Phone

It was early yet, barely 10 pm, but Ianto was feeling, for lack of a better word, spent. After the emotional ups and downs of the funeral, the confrontation with Dave's son, the absurd amounts of liquor, and the tornado that was Jack, Ianto felt peaceful, mostly sober, and sated. While he was no longer drunk, he used the excuse of alcohol to snuggle into Jack's side and unabashedly used Jack's shoulder as a surprisingly comfortable pillow. Jack, who had gone from considerate to lascivious to tender so quickly Ianto thought he would have been drunk from simply being with the man, was now looking similarly relaxed. The calming motion of Jack's hands, one on his back encouraging him to stay burrowed against Jack and the other gently rubbing his side, was easing him gently to sleep.

Ianto willed himself to not think about funerals, death, or the implications of spending the night in his bed with Jack wrapped around him. He was on the cusp of sleep when he heard a light buzzing sound. He ignored it. Jack did not. He yanked his arm out from under Ianto and leapt from the bed. Ianto looked up through drowsy eyes and watched as Jack tore through his discarded clothes for the source of the buzzing. Ianto was momentarily alarmed until he identified the source as Jack's cell phone.

"Rift," Ianto asked wondering when his mouth had become so gooey.

"Nothing to worry about," Jack said turning away from Ianto. Ianto wondered how Jack didn't know him well enough to know that telling him not to worry was a surefire way to bring that thing to the forefront of his mind.

Ianto propped himself up on his elbows and watched Jack surreptitiously type something. A moment later the phone buzzed again and Jack closed the phone. He put it on the bedside table, picked up his clothes and began dressing. Ianto lifted the covers away and prepared to exit the bed.

"Woah there, soldier," Jack said smiling broadly. Ianto was immediately suspicious. "No need to drag yourself out of that comfy bed. Just a little change in plans." Jack hopped over to the bed and grabbed Ianto's face. He kissed his forehead and released him. "I don't want to see you until after lunch tomorrow, clear? Sleep in and relax. When you get in, I'll have a surprise for you."

Ianto smiled back, but didn't feel the need to make it look convincing. He knew Jack would be able to read the disappointment on his face if he wanted to. Ianto could easily read Jack's face and it was clear he didn't want to take notice of anything Ianto's face was displaying. Ianto dropped back onto the mattress and pulled the covers over himself.

"Fine," Ianto said using the intergalactic would for things not being fine. "Goodnight," he added when Jack turned the bedroom light off.

"'Night," Jack replied as he left.

Ianto tried to get back to sleep. He realized it was fruitless, but he didn't want to admit how easily Jack affected him. Of course, he was alone and it was night and he had nothing more pressing to consume his mind so thoughts of his relationship with Jack, as unexpected as it was unhealthy, began to churn. The tired inner monologue always began the same way and always ended with the same question. What was this relationship with Jack?

Like a prosecutor seeking a conviction, Ianto went through the latest evidence. Jack, with no obvious self-interest, came to Dave's funeral. Less suspect, Jack had arrived at the Dragon's Tale to pick him up. Jack had clearly been motivated by his insatiable sex drive. On the other hand, Ianto argued with himself, Jack didn't need to go to that kind of trouble to get laid. He seemed genuinely happy to see Ianto.

Ianto set the thought aside. If he went on his usual tangent trying to figure out what Jack saw in him he would be up all night.

Jack's behavior, outside of the sex, could be explained as friendship, Ianto reasoned. "Facts not in evidence," a voice boomed in his head. But was it really so unreasonable? He wished he could ask Jack, but he knew Jack would laugh. It was a little silly he supposed. Boss, friend, lover – well, convenient sexual outlet. Did it matter?

And what, he asked himself, would he want it to be if he had some say in it? He knew he did have some say. He could quit Torchwood. He could probably even line up a position at UNIT and avoid the Retcon. Then Jack wouldn't be his boss. I also, Ianto continued to reason, wouldn't be conveniently available which would effectively end the sexual outlet part. Would we still be friends? Ianto had no intention of leaving Torchwood, but he often fantasized hypothetical situations where he was no longer a part of the Institute.

The next piece of evidence, Jack and Ianto didn't always end up having sex. They hadn't at the funeral, thank the Saints. But, Ianto's prosecutor voice declared, wasn't that a prelude to the next encounter? If Jack hadn't made amends by showing his support Ianto wouldn't have been thinking about him at the pub.

There it was. That feeling. That horrible feeling Ianto got when he thought too hard about him and Jack. Maybe, Ianto thought glumly, what Jack saw in me is the comedic and entertainment value of making me jump at his slightest whim. If someone had asked him 24 hours ago if he was going to have sex with Jack anytime in the near future, Ianto would have laughed in their faces. Now, after a kind gesture and a few well-placed words, Ianto had done exactly that.

He was reminded of when he and Lisa had first started dating. Lisa would assure him he was important to her in one moment and he'd catch her sending e-mails to her ex-boyfriend with the next. But that was different. He had been in love with Lisa so when the e-mails turned into an affair and Ianto found out, he forgave her. He and Jack didn't have any kind of commitment. They weren't dating. If Ianto was feeling used it was his fault, not Jack's. He didn't have to spend the night…Ianto realized he was crying.

As he began contemplating the meaning of the wet evidence on his face he heard a buzzing sound. Turning over towards the sound, he saw the light of a cell phone on his bedside table. He stared at it until the light dimmed and then continued to look in its general vicinity. Ianto, angry at himself and now angry at Jack's forgetfulness, finally threw the covers back and sat up. He turned on the bedside lamp and picked up the cell phone.

It wasn't like he was going to read Jack's messages. Even if he wanted to, Jack surely kept his phone locked. Ianto flipped the cover open. An envelope icon was lit.

Or Jack didn't and Ianto needed to have a serious discussion with him about security.

One of the things Jack liked about Ianto, Ianto was almost certain, was his lack of intrusiveness. He made it clear he enjoyed hearing about Jack, but he never pushed for more information. If Jack was in a talkative mood, Ianto would occasionally ask questions that steered the story or conversation into an area he was curious about, but he never pried. Reading the message would be prying.

Ianto's brain continued to debate the morality and ethics of his actions as his hands navigated the onscreen menus.

The new message was from someone named Missy and read "Got here early – at the bar". Further investigation wasn't required, but Ianto decided in for a penny, in for a pound.

10:12 pm Missy wrote "Change in plan Im free Wanna meet" Ianto gave her low marks for punctuation. And was that a question, a suggestion, or a request?

10:13 pm Jack wrote "Sure – usually place? 12?"

10:13 pm Missy wrote "kewl CU" Ianto thought that message was enough in itself for him to conjure an image in his mind of the type of person this Missy was.

Not that he was jealous. No, he was simply curious. He wasn't fighting the urge to throw the phone across the room because he was hurt. No, he was only disappointed in Jack's poor manners. And he definitely wasn't crying because knowing Jack wanted to be with someone else broke his heart. No, he was just overtired and emotional from the long day and funeral.

Ianto changed the status of the last message back to unread and closed the phone.

As soon as Ianto walked into the Hub he knew something was up. He never claimed to be empathic, but he didn't think it took any special power to feel the atmosphere was somehow lighter. The team was gathered casually around the sofa eating pizza. At least they're happy and I won't have to order lunch, Ianto thought as he joined them.

"Speak of the devil," Jack said jumping up.

"I prefer Prince of Darkness if it's all the same," Ianto said stopping himself from standing too close to Jack.

"Never," Jack mock scowled. "You are the light of my life!" Jack took a step towards Ianto then abruptly stopped.

"If you start singing, I'll start retching," Owen warned.

"I'll have you know I sing like an angel," Jack defended.

Ianto bit back a snide remark about Jack's decided lack of other angelic features. Instead he pulled out Jack's cell phone and handed it to him.

"Thanks for driving me home last night. You must have dropped this," he said awkwardly. Jack took the phone and slipped it in his pocket without looking at it.

"Jack said the funeral was perfect," Tosh said touching Ianto's sleeve.

"He also told us you got blitzed and had a punch up with the deceased's only son. Nice to see you went with a traditional Welsh funeral," Owen added. Gwen elbowed him in the ribs.

Ianto was glad the team was in high spirits, but his own dark mood made it difficult to tolerate their presence.

"I'll be in the Archives if you need anything," Ianto said turning to walk away without addressing anyone in particular.

"Oh no you don't," Jack said grabbing Ianto's arms and pulling him towards his office. "I told you. I have a surprise for you."

"It's wonderful, Ianto," Tosh called. Ianto turned back to the team who were all smiling.

"Not a private surprise then," Ianto said when they reached Jack's desk.

"I couldn't wait for you to get here so I tested it out on the team." Jack smiled excitedly. "I know based on the things we've had thrown at us through the Rift it seems there's nothing good out there in the Universe. Well," Jack said picking up the metal cube, "this is evidence to the contrary."

The cube Jack had been obsessing over looked much like it had to begin with to Ianto. The metal was polished, but it still looked like it had been through a war. Ianto knew Jack had put in a lot of hours and had dismantled and reassembled the cube. He looked at it wearily, but tried to put on a smile for Jack's sake.

"Do you want to guess what it is," Jack asked waving the cube under Ianto's nose.

"A Slitheen popcorn popper." Jack shook his head. Ianto was distracted by the gleam in his eyes. "Automatic shoe shiner with optional delouser." Jack smirked and shook his head. "A pasta calibrator – never have uneven spaghetti again and if you order now we'll throw in 12 issues of Macaroni Measurer Monthly."

"You watch too much late night television."

"It beats sleeping alone." Their eyes locked and Ianto tried not to show anything. He knew he failed when Jack looked away.

"I really did plan to spend the night," Jack said quietly.

"Doesn't matter," Ianto said quickly. "So clearly I'm not good at guessing. What does your cube do?" He gave Jack another small smile hoping he'd not discuss their arrangement further.

Jack smiled back and gestured to the Cube.

"This is a portal to happier days," Jack said sounding to Ianto like one of the infomercial pitchmen he'd been mocking.


	25. The Addictive Properties of Nostalgia

A/N:

Sorry this chapter is a bit long. I wanted to check in with Ianto's Pensioner Posse one last time (for this story) and none of the obvious break points seemed right. Almost done with this story and then the sequel begins. 95% of the loose ends in this story will be wrapped up in the sequel which makes it tempting to keep it in this story instead of writing it as a separate story. Thoughts?

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Chapter 25 – The Addictive Properties of Nostalgia

"Once upon a time, the Zenaubs looked to the stars and wondered what was out there," Jack said holding the cube protectively. Ianto found Jack now sounded less like a pitchman and more like a slightly hyper children's entertainer. "Their curiosity led them to reach out and eventually they began communicating with travelers from other planets. The Zenaubs were pleased, but some of them wanted to see the places they heard about for themselves. They built starships, but the people were poorly suited for long journeys. Besides their physical limitations, they were mentally ill prepared. After only a few days of travel, they became so homesick and lonely many of them would die from the heartache.

"While most of their scientists worked on overcoming their physical limitations, a few began working on the psychological issues. After many failures, the two groups worked together and the cube was born." Jack pointed to the hole where something had clearly been attached at some point. "This is just the control box. It attached to a kind of cryo chamber. The Zenaubs couldn't survive being completely suspended, but they could be slowed temporarily. That solved the physical problem, but it made the psychological issues worse. This addressed that issue." Jack looked at Ianto expectantly. Ianto sighed.

"And how did it do that, sir," Ianto asked flatly. He wished Jack would just get on with it. Ianto noticed Gwen, Tosh, and Owen had gathered in the doorway and were looking at him and Jack expectantly.

"I'm glad you asked! While they were slowed, the cube would find their happiest memories of home, love, family – anything that would help soothe them – and it improved the memory. It didn't change anything. It just enhanced it and left the Zenaub with a sense of well-being for some time after."

"So this helped the aliens get stoned as they flew into the unknown," Ianto summarized. Jack looked affronted.

"When you put it like that you take the romance out of it! When they met other travelers," Jack continued in his storyteller voice, "they were intrigued by the Zenaub's tenacity and their technology. They found that the cube affected some species differently. Humans found it would pull up often forgotten positive memories, enhance them, and leave them with a mild euphoria for a few hours."

"So humans found they could exploit the alien tech to get high, too." Jack's face fell and Owen snorted.

"It's not like that, Ianto," Jack whined. "Tell him." Jack motioned to the team.

"It really isn't," Toshiko said. "I had forgotten how happy my 12th birthday was. In less than a minute, I relived that day. I can still remember the taste of the ice cream, the smell of the candles burning on my cake, and hear the laughter as my little brother folding origami animals out of the gift wrap." Tosh smiled wider than Ianto had seen her smile in weeks. "I'd forgotten how good that day was. It might not seem as wonderful a day once the effects wear off, but I've got that memory back and I don't intend to let it slip away again."

"I hadn't thought about a costume party I went to with Rhys soon after we started dating," Gwen began. "It was a dull party at first, but Rhys and his friend Lou started talking in these funny voices." Gwen laughed. "It slipped my mind how funny Lou was especially when he and Rhys had a drink or two. Do you know I would have described Lou as a passing acquaintance who was loud and obnoxious? I'd forgotten what good friends he and Rhys used to be. I'm inviting him over this weekend."

"I don't want to know what drunken escapade you remembered, Owen," Ianto said when Owen didn't offer.

"It was private," Owen said smiling almost serenely. Ianto thought it looked out of place on him. "I will say it was about Katie and I don't feel any sadness about it so don't worry about what it might make you remember."

"It softens the loss," Jack said. "I'm not sharing, either, but it brought back a memory that could have led to me becoming maudlin. Instead it reminds you of the good and pushes back the bad. Trust me, Ianto. You deserve this. You need this."

"I don't have any forgotten memories," Ianto said.

"Of course you do," Gwen said encouragingly. "We all do. It's all part of being human. We don't mean to, but we forget."

"No, you do. I don't. I wish I could forget. I have an eidetic memory enhanced by Torchwood One training. Some things take longer to completely recall, but it's all accessible," Ianto said tapping his temple.

"Yeah," Owen began, "but even with your exceptional memory there are things you've forgotten."

"I can't think of a one," Ianto deadpanned. He was chuckling on the inside.

"Then this will be a good test," Jack said holding out the cube.

Ianto looked at the reassuring faces around him and sighed loudly.

"Right, you've all spent the morning getting stoned on alien tech and now you're using peer pressure to make me use, too. Fine. What do I do," Ianto asked resigned to try it. If it could snap Owen out of his funk it had to be pretty good.

"Hold out your hand," Jack said barely containing his excitement. He placed the cube in Ianto's hand and repositioned it. "You'll feel a slight vibration. Close your eyes. It will only take a minute."

Ianto reluctantly closed his eyes. He felt a pressure on the cube as Jack did something. He felt a slight vibration quickly followed by a blinding pain. He pulled his hand away dropping the cube with a howl.

Owen instinctively went into doctor mode. He examined the hand Ianto was cradling. Jack picked up the cube and quickly dropped it.

"It's red hot," he said confused.

"Looks like it's burned your hand pretty badly," Owen said to Ianto. "Do you feel okay?"

"I'm fine," Ianto grumbled pulling his hand away. "Looks like more Rift trash to me," he said pointedly looking at Jack.

"It was working fine," Jack protested. He tapped the cube and apparently deciding it was cool enough picked it up and put it on his desk. He looked into the open hole. "Damn. The Medlakian crystal blew. I was lucky to get that one! Sorry, Ianto. I'm not sure what happened, but I can't fix it."

Ianto felt guilty for his earlier reluctance. Jack's enthusiasm had left and he seemed deflated.

"No, I'm sorry, Jack. I must have done something wrong. Maybe my enhanced memory and lack of happy memories was too much for it," Ianto joked. Jack didn't smile back.

"Come on down to Autopsy," Owen said leading Ianto out of Jack's office. "I've got some cream that will keep that from hurting too much."

Ianto nodded and followed, but he didn't really care if his hand hurt, blistered, or became infected and fell off. He'd failed Jack again and he'd killed the team's buzz. As he sat on the autopsy table and Owen wrapped his hand, he realized Owen, in a very non-Owen way, was humming.

"I was afraid I spoiled your mood," Ianto said.

"Nah," Owen replied. "Even you can't ruin my mood. It's a shame it didn't work for you. You look like a man who could stand a touch of euphoric memory."

Ianto didn't let Owen bait him into a conversation. He left for the solitude of the Archives as soon as Owen was done. He hadn't really wanted to try the stupid machine so he wasn't sure why he was so angry about it. He supposed it could be because not being able to use it separated him from the rest of the team. Then again, he mused as he set up some paper files for digital scanning, it can hardly separate me from people I'm already separate from. It did accentuate the fact, though.

He knew there was something on the cusp of his mind that was the real issue. He didn't want to scratch that particular itch. He knew it was something he didn't want to think about, but, as always, his brain was his biggest tormentor. Ianto groaned as he remembered all the moments Jack had said he was preparing a surprise for him. It wasn't so much that he didn't get to share the experience with the team as it was the team had the experience at all. Ianto knew he was just as responsible for his isolation from the team as anyone else.

It was almost enough to make him laugh if it wasn't so tragic. Ianto had spent most of his life isolating from other people. Arguably, he was closer to Lisa than anyone in his life. Even with her and his all-consuming love, he'd kept part of himself back. Would he walk through hell for her? Without hesitation. Trust her not to break his heart? Issues. They knew each other two years and dated for 18 months before Canary Wharf. He still hadn't moved in with her in spite of her insistences and reassurances. Now here he was angry Jack wouldn't let him get closer. It seemed ironic or maybe just tragic. He wasn't sure, but he felt one of his late night overthinking sessions looming in his future.

He mechanically set up the next file for scanning. His phone rang and he answered it automatically barely registering the caller id.

"Ianto Jones," he said preoccupied by his own depressing thoughts.

"Hi, Jaunty! It's Tom."

"Hi Tom," Ianto said trying to sound more enthusiastic than he felt.

"Thought I'd see if you wanted to join us for a game of cards tonight at Dylan's," the aged trigger man said.

"I don't think so," Ianto said before trying to cover the mouthpiece to muffle his sigh. "I don't think I'd be good company."

"That's when you need to seek out good company," Tom said brightly. "You know where to find us if you change your mind."

"Yeah," Ianto said smiling in spite of his dreary mood. "Thanks, Tom."

"I hope you aren't avoiding your friends because of anything I said." Ianto startled in his chair. He checked to make sure he'd ended the call and put his phone down using the time to calm his breathing before turning to face Jack.

"No, just not in the mood to play cards," he said in what he hoped was a non-committal voice, but what he was sure came out as an emo whine. It was enough to make him think about asking Owen for anti-depressants before he started dying his hair jet black and buying gothic cross accessories.

"How's your hand," Jack asked crossing the room and gently lifting Ianto's hand by the wrist.

"It's fine," Ianto replied blandly. "I'm sorry I broke your toy." He managed an uncertain smile.

"No, I'm sorry you got hurt. It was probably a problem with the energy conversion. I took some shortcuts getting it powered up. I should have been more patient to try it out," Jack said sitting on the edge of Ianto's scanning table. He slumped and continued rubbing Ianto's wrist and idly playing with Ianto's fingers sticking out of the burn dressing.

"It's not like I have a lot of memories I'd want to enhance," Ianto said smiling more easily. He liked Jack's relaxed posture. His whole demeanor changed when it was just the two of them. Bet he can't drop his guard like that with Missy, Ianto thought with a touch of smugness. Probably stays as rigid as Captain Scarlet so she doesn't realize he's not just a dashing hero. Ianto struggled to not give in to the tenderness he felt for Jack when he looked so dejected.

"You never know," Jack said smirking. "You might have remembered that time with the stopwatch. That was worth remembering!"

"An enhanced version would probably cause me to go into cardiac arrest," Ianto said returning the smirk.

"Well, if you aren't going to play canasta with the shuffle board set tonight, I suppose we could try a live reenactment. I'll keep the defibrillator handy." Jack brought Ianto's hand to his face and lightly kissed his fingers. Their eyes met and Jack, without breaking eye contact, licked along the finger tips.

Ianto wanted to say something along the lines of "No, Captain. I think we need to take a time out and get some perspective." All that came out was a groan. He unconsciously leaned forward towards Jack.

"I sent the team home," Jack said in a low voice before returning to licking and sucking on Ianto's fingers. He hooked his foot on Ianto's chair and rolled him closer.

Without consciously thinking about it, which was how things happened all too often when he was with Jack, Ianto found himself unzipping Jack's trousers.

"I thought you were maybe mad at me," Jack said unbuttoning Ianto's cuff.

"Well," Ianto said thoughtfully, "I could be angry at you and we could have a serious discussion or I could suck your cock. Keep in mind, I'll probably still be angry tomorrow, but we might not have the place to ourselves."

"We can talk later," Jack agreed quickly. He moaned around two of Ianto's fingers as Ianto took his erection all the way down in one fluid, obscene motion. "Fuck," he exclaimed before Ianto shoved his fingers back in Jack's mouth.

Let's see Missy do that, Ianto thought before focusing completely on the task at hand.

"Is that the phone," Jack asked several hours later from the sweaty heap of naked flesh and twisted sheets in his bunker bedroom.

"Yep," Ianto said extricating himself from said heap. He smirked as he saw the appreciative look on Jack's face as he stared at him climbing the ladder.

Jack joined him in his office as he hung up the phone.

"Weevil? UFO? Cardiff Bay Monster," Jack asked wrapping his arms around Ianto's waist and rubbing against him.

"Crank," Ianto said returning both the embrace and rubbing.

"Crank?"

"As in crank call. That's the second anonymous call the police have passed on to us about someone hearing music at an old dancehall. You'll like this," Ianto said smiling. "He said it sounds like a discount Artie Shaw."

"I always preferred Glen Miller," Jack replied. He nipped at Ianto's shoulder then licked the spot. "We should probably investigate it."

"The caller won't leave any details or answer any questions. He's probably hoping to cause a fuss to drum up business for a new night club." Ianto tried to kiss Jack, but he pulled away.

"But you don't know. We should at least check the Rift…"

"I did when we got the first call," Ianto said a little exasperated. "Tosh is running a cross check. It looked unusual, but there's no sign it's dangerous."

"Good. Any CCTV cameras in the area?"

Ianto sighed quietly and dropped his forehead momentarily on Jack's shoulder before looking up, stepping away, and going into work mode. He thought he and Jack looked ridiculous wearing their Captain and his trusty aide-de-camp personas without any clothes.

"Spotty coverage. There's been a lot of vandalism." He sat at Jack's computer and pulled up the working feeds.

He left Jack to flick through the video of late afternoon foot traffic in a bad neighborhood and took a shower. He couldn't help but wonder if Jack would be as interested if he said the music was '70s glam rock.

"See anything interesting," Ianto asked freshly showered and redressed. Jack looked up, looked down at himself, and chuckled.

"Only that you let me get caught up in this without reminding me to put some clothes on! Nothing on the CCTV except a sweet, old lady macing some kid asking for change."

"Sorry, sir. You can't catch a Weevil mauling every time." Jack smiled at him. "Do you still want to go investigate," Ianto asked hoping he didn't.

"No," Jack sighed. "I'll take Gwen in the morning."

"Gwen's off tomorrow morning," Ianto said. "And Tosh has to catch a train by noon," he reminded Jack who waved him off.

"Fine, whatever. Owen it is." Jack was quiet for a minute. Ianto was about to suggest Jack get dressed when Jack said wistfully, "I remember Artie Shaw."

Ianto smiled meekly and took a seat. He knew that look and that tone. Jack was feeling nostalgic. By tacit agreement, Ianto never brought up Jack's longevity at Torchwood or asked about how it was possible for him to look so young for a man well over 100 and when Jack was in one of his nostalgic moods and wanted to talk, Ianto would listen. Ianto didn't mind. In fact, he found these stories much more interesting than the ribald tales he often told in bed.

The only problem, from Ianto's perspective, was if he didn't time his interruption correctly. If he didn't stop Jack in time, his journey down memory lane would devolve into melancholy and drinking. If he interrupted before Jack got to whatever triggered the nostalgia Jack would pout and become brusque. Choosing between surly and sullen, Ianto wasn't exactly spoiled for choice.

Thirty minutes later, Ianto thought he might have left it too long, but the story was interesting and fun. It started with going to see Artie Shaw at the Palladium and ended with Jack being arrested after fighting with a man over a hat. He noticed Jack's tone was becoming a little more wistful.

"It really was a different world then. You would have appreciated the manners and easy chivalry," Jack said smiling. Ianto knew from experience that when Jack addressed him it meant he was done.

"And yet you managed to be a scoundrel," Ianto laughed. He looked at his watch. It was barely 5. "Why don't you get a shower, get dressed, and we can grab a bite of dinner. I skipped lunch." Jack shook his head.

"You should go home. Everybody else got a half day," Jack said standing. Ianto stood, too.

"I wasn't exactly working," Ianto said with a quirk of his eye brow.

"Even so," Jack began heading towards his bunker, "I kind of feel like being alone, you know? I think I'll grab that shower and maybe play a few records."

Ianto knew that tradition, too. He nodded.

"Guess it's canasta with the shuffleboard set for me, after all. Call me if you change your mind," Ianto said to Jack's retreating form. He heard Jack make an affirmative from the other end of the ladder. At least he won't be calling Missy in this mood, Ianto thought although he knew he'd prefer Jack to be with someone and happy even if it wasn't him rather than suffer alone.

An hour into playing cards, Ianto was wondering if it was his lot in life to listen to other people reminisce.

"So Alun walks right up to the guy and says 'Does this look like a sewing circle 'cause I don't see any goddamn needles!'" Everyone roared with laughter at Mick's story. Ianto chuckled even though it was clearly one of those "had to have been there" stories to truly appreciate it.

"Alun was a tough one," Dylan said shaking his head. "He was all business, all the time unless he had his shoes on."

"His shoes," Ianto asked intrigued by Tom's snort and Dylan's smirk.

"For weeks, every Tuesday night, Alun was unavailable. One Tuesday, Dave decides he's going to follow him. Turns out Alun, toughest son of a bitch you've ever seen, was taking tap dancing lessons!"

The room erupted in laughter. Ianto smiled, but he didn't laugh thinking back to his tap classes from age 5-7 his mother assured his father would teach him coordination and not turn him into a poof.

"We teased him for about a minute before we all remembered Big Alun could whip us all. Then he says 'Gene Kelly tap dances and nobody's got a problem with him!' Once his secret was out," Dylan continued, "he'd keep a pair of tap shoes at the social club we had back then so he could practice."

"Found out months later," Mick said picking up the story, "poor Alun was in love with the tap instructor. He saw her one day at the drugstore and followed her to the studio. Took him two years to work up the nerve to ask her out!"

"Stand up to a dockworker and call him every name, but Fred? Not a problem," Tom said. "Ask the 5 foot nothing brunette out to dinner? The man was a shambles!" They all laughed.

"Finally got up the nerve and she accepted," Dylan began. "He took her to this fancy supper club. They had this big orchestra and she wanted to dance. Turns out, he didn't know how! He might have been her top tap dancing student, but he didn't know a foxtrot from a fox hunt!"

"Did she forgive his two left feet," Ianto asked when the laughter died down.

"She did, but she made him take ballroom dance classes," Dylan said.

"He always griped about it," Ice Cream said. He'd been so quiet during the story Ianto had begun to wonder if Alun was before his time. "Truth was, he might have started off hating it, but he learned to love it."

"Not that anyone would ever call him on it," Tom said. "Even if he had his shoes on, he was one tough bastard!"

"You can't really take the mick with someone for dancing with someone they love," Mick said miming dancing cheek to cheek.

Ianto smiled and had his own moment of nostalgia.

"Hey," said Tom slapping Ianto on the shoulder, "what's that look, Jaunty?"

"Just remembering dancing with Lisa at her sister's wedding," he said smiling sadly.

The men exchanged looks while Ianto stared at the cards he was compulsively shuffling. Dylan urged Tom with a jerk of his head. Tom nodded.

"You're young. You're find someone who'll make you want to dance again," Tom said.

"I don't think I'll be dancing like that at any weddings any time soon," Ianto said. "I think I better get going," he said standing, cutting off Tom as he was about to speak. "It's going to be an early day."

The men said good night, but Ianto was only half listening. He was still caught up in the memory of Lisa's hand on his shoulder, the smell of her perfume and apples, and the sound of her voice thanking him for being the perfect date. He'd laugh if he wasn't on the verge of tears.

Stupid memories, Ianto thought opening his car door. At least Jack's cube hadn't worked. Ianto didn't think his heart could take any other happy memories.


	26. Captain Jack is the Tortoise

A/N:

This chapter contains man-on-man action. It was a special request and I'm not happy with how it came out, but my friend Jason who requested it was happy so I'm going ahead with it. Not much happens, but it does delay ending the story!

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Chapter 26 – Captain Jack is the Tortoise

The good thing, Ianto long ago decided, about coming into the Hub at a God awful hour before the Sun had even begun thinking about rising and shining, was he could have time to organize his thoughts and make the plan for the day without interruption. Unless Jack was up to interrupting him which was a whole other reason to appreciate having the Hub to themselves.

Ianto entered the Hub and headed to the coffee machine. He efficiently made two cups of coffee and headed to Jack's office with coffee and bagels in tow. He was hoping this would be one of Jack's mornings to want to interrupt him. He was specifically hoping he'd interrupt him on the desk. Or maybe the sofa.

A snort came from the sofa as he passed it. Ianto didn't recall Jack ever making that kind of noise. A low moan followed the snort and Ianto jogged to see if he was okay. He stared for a moment trying to piece together what he was seeing.

"He'll be out for hours," Jack said putting a hand on Ianto's shoulder startling him.

"What is he doing here," Ianto asked trying not to sound petulant. This was his time, his and Jack's time, not Owen's.

"He said what I deciphered to mean he got a message from you to come in early so he came here straight from the bar. He passed out on the couch after bursting into tears and saying he couldn't stand the memories. I just keep rolling him over to make sure he doesn't puke and aspirate on it." Jack pulled Ianto closer to him.

"Glad I missed it," Ianto said.

"I'm hoping he isn't having an after effect from the Zenaubian Cube. If I got the power conversion wrong, maybe it was more broken than I realized. I thought he would be a better."

"Don't blame yourself." Ianto didn't like Jack's tone. He wondered if the others would cause so much trouble if they knew how personally Jack took it. "He's been in a bad way since Diane left. He wasn't in a great way before that. He's still getting over his Weevil cage dance."

"I just feel like I'm letting him down." Jack kissed Ianto's temple. "I think I'm letting all of you down just like I let Suzie down."

"If I believed that would I have brought you bagels this morning?" Jack looked back at the tray perched on his desk.

"You know bringing me bagels is my second favorite way for you to show me you appreciate me," Jack said flashing a large, but seemingly sincere smile at Ianto.

Ianto was happy to see Jack smile, but he still thought his eyes looked sad. He didn't know how to make Jack feel better in the long term, but he did know how to distract him in the short term.

"We could take breakfast in the bunker. I'm feeling particularly expressive today. I've been thinking about demonstrating my appreciation all morning." Ianto tried not to grin and it came out as a crooked smile. Jack swooped in and kissed his crooked lips. Ianto marveled at how Jack could turn from somber to passionate so quickly. He moaned into Jack's mouth as their kiss deepened. He heard an answering moan and stepped back. He'd forgotten about Owen. Jack rolled his eyes and Ianto tried not to smile at how it made him look like a small child denied a sweet.

"He's out for the count! We could fuck on top of him and he wouldn't notice!"

"Jack", Ianto said blandly, "that image might have turned me permanently impotent." Jack laughed, wrapped his arms around Ianto pulling him close and attacked his neck with his lips.

"Feels like I've found a cure," Jack said grinding his pelvis against Ianto. "Let's go to my office and verify." Ianto let Jack lead him into his office. He wanted to continue down to Jack's bedroom, but Jack had other ideas. He peeled Ianto's jacket off and carefully placed it over the arm of a chair.

"I'd be more comfortable with a little more privacy," Ianto said undoing his cuffs.

"Seriously, he isn't going to wake up," Jack said slipping his suspenders down. "And what if he does? He finds out what he should have figured out a long time ago and gets a cheap thrill to boot!"

"And you'd be happy with him finding out! Just remember, he'll run straight to Gwen and what do you think she'll say, hmmm?" Ianto kicked his shoes off and removed his trousers. He folded them gently over his jacket.

"I really don't care what she or anyone else says," Jack said pulling his t-shirt and shirt over his head in one. "My guess is she'd be mad she didn't figure it out for herself. Then she and Owen will both be angry when they find out Tosh already knew."

"I'm not sure how I feel about them knowing. Part of me likes the idea that this," Ianto said gesturing between him and Jack, "is about us and not about Torchwood." He slipped his boxer briefs to the floor then gracefully scooped them up.

"I like that excuse more than you being ashamed of me," Jack said smiling. Ianto dropped to his knees in front of Jack and made quick work of his zipper.

"I'm not ashamed of you," Ianto said. He didn't add that he was ashamed, or perhaps embarrassed was a better word, of his own emotions. In truth, he wasn't even too bothered about Owen and Gwen finding out. He simply wanted to get a handle on his infatuation before that happened so he had an idea what kind of retort to give. Was that such a bad thing? Ianto pulled Jack's trousers and underwear down to his ankles. He wrapped a hand around Jack's slowly growing erection.

"If we keep going like we're going, they are going to find out," Jack said reaching down and lifting Ianto's face to look at him.

"I guess they find out then," Ianto said. He realized Jack was going to say something and he could sense it was something he didn't want to hear. Still looking up at Jack, Ianto flicked his tongue against Jack's tip. He stretched his tongue out as far as he could and slapped the underside of Jack's cock against it. Jack's eyes, still locked with Ianto's, lost focus and Ianto knew he'd effectively ended the conversation.

Ianto finally looked away as he closed his lips around the head of Jack's cock. He sucked hard, but didn't take him any deeper. He stroked Jack's shaft roughly.

"Ianto," Jack moaned. "Please…just…uhnnn…" Jack's fingers worked through Ianto's hair and into his scalp. He pushed another inch into Ianto's mouth then pulled it back. "Need…more…"

Ianto abruptly sucked Jack into his mouth until he was at risk of choking. He pulled Jack out of his mouth, but continued his hard strokes with his hand.

"Is that what you want, sir? Do you want me to take your cock down my throat?"

"Oh God," Jack groaned. "You are such a fucking tease! And you have no idea what you talking dirty does to me." Ianto drooled and licked Jack's shaft. "Ianto…"

"Is that better? A little smoother," Ianto asked tightening his grip. "Or would you prefer, sir, as we are in your office, for you to fuck me on your desk?"

"Is that what you want," Jack asked smirking and running his fingers through Ianto's hair.

"That was along the lines of my thoughts this morning," Ianto said mock seriously. He licked his lips. "I was waiting at the bakery for the bagels and I thought wouldn't it be nice if I get into the office and Captain Harkness is so happy about getting breakfast he decides to show me how pleased he is by bending me over his desk and fucking me with his big, hard dick." He waited for Jack's stuttered breath. "It was just a thought."

"Your dirty mind makes me wish for telepathy," Jack said encouraging Ianto to stand. "Sit here," Jack said patting the blotter on his desk.

Ianto tidied some papers then sat where Jack had indicated while Jack rummaged through a drawer. Ianto was proud of himself for sounding so calm when he was filled with bouncing ping pong balls of anxiety. He felt a little self-conscious and was suddenly concerned with where to put his hands. Ianto finally settled on holding onto the edge of the desk with one hand and stroking his cock with the other.

"A ha," Jack said triumphantly waving a bottle of lube in front of Ianto's face.

"How convenient," Ianto said closing his eyes and biting his bottom lip. He began rubbing faster.

"Hey," Jack said pulling Ianto's hand away and replacing it with his own. "That's my job," he said giving Ianto's cock a few brisk strokes. "Let's make you more comfortable." Jack pulled Ianto to the edge of the desk then pushed his torso back.

Before Ianto could say anything, Jack kissed him. Ianto was amused to think he wasn't the only one who could stop conversation from happening. Ianto was so distracted by Jack's lips, he was only vaguely aware of Jack positioning his legs. He felt lube covered fingertips on his perineum then rubbing down to his anus. Jack broke the kiss and repositioned Ianto a little more.

"Why don't you tell me more about your daydream while I help myself to the buffet," Jack said. He ghosted tiny kisses along Ianto's erection. "Give me details." Jack wriggled a fingertip against Ianto's asshole as he wriggle his tongue against the underside of Ianto's cock.

"Mmphf," Ianto groaned. "I was imagining you grabbing me and kissing me, forcing your tongue into my mouth."

Jack pushed his finger in as he simultaneously deep throated Ianto. Ianto bucked and twisted, but Jack didn't let him get away and sucked harder. Ianto tried to contain his moans and exclamations with varying degrees of success. After a particularly brutal assault on his prostate combined with Jack's continued suction and a tug on his balls, Ianto covered his mouth. The feel of Jack chuckling around his cock didn't help. Jack's mouth released him with an obscene slurping sound.

"Aren't you going to continue? I'm sure your daydream didn't end with kissing." Jack kissed Ianto's stomach then licked a crooked trail downward.

Ianto tried to ignore Jack's ministrations and catch his breath. He was about to speak when he felt Jack open him wider. Jack swirled his tongue around Ianto's tip.

"Go ahead," Jack said innocently.

"Well…uhhn…you were desperate and needy…Christ!...and you all but tore my trousers. You pulled my pants down just enough so you could have access…there! Oooh! Oooh yeah! You manhandled me until I was bent over your desk. You were being lewd and whispering in my ear about how hard you were going to fuck me…Uhnng Jack!"

"Interesting," Jack said biting his lip. "I don't seem to be the needy and desperate one at the moment." He twisted his fingers inside Ianto to punctuate his statement.

"Fuck! I didn't get…ugh…this kind of prep in my daydream…"

"What did I do after I told you I was going to fuck you? Hard," Jack added. Ianto laughed.

"You fucked me, hard. You pounded into me frantically…oh God Jack!"

"I'll keep that in mind for next time," Jack said smiling smugly. He gave Ianto's cock a few strokes timed with gentle thrusts with his fingers and stood up. He rubbed his hands over Ianto's torso then bent down and delicately kissed his lips. "This time I'm going for thoroughness." He kissed across Ianto's cheek to his ear. "You might have fantasized about it being hard and fast, but you're getting it slow and deep."

Jack grabbed Ianto's ass and lifted him off the desk. With slow, painful precision, Jack entered Ianto and equally slowly lowered Ianto effectively impaling him on Jack's erection. Ianto opened his eyes and was surprised to find Jack's face close to his with Jack's eyes gazing back into Ianto's. Those beautiful, blue eyes that could force overwhelming emotions from him now were dragging especially unsettling feelings to the forefront. Ianto could read lust in Jack's eyes, but he could also see something more personal, something almost tender. Ianto briefly wondered as the moment drew on if what he was seeing was actually what Jack saw in his eyes simply being reflected.

True to his word, Jack pressed his full length into Ianto and stopped. Jack nuzzled Ianto's ear.

"That's the deep part," he whispered. He licked the shell of Ianto's ear then sucked gently on his ear lobe. "Have you ever felt so full?"

Ianto groaned a negative. He wasn't sure if it was Jack's lack of movement or the angle, but he was feeling more filled by the moment. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was making him want more. More of what Ianto wasn't certain.

"Does it bother you how well we fit together," Jack asked caressing a nipple. Ianto was glad to hear a little strain in Jack's voice.

"No – 's perfect," Ianto said barely getting the words out. Ianto tried to move his hips, but Jack had very efficiently immobilized him. Jack bit into Ianto's shoulder then licked the same place.

"It's pretty damned close," Jack said with a laugh.

Normally Ianto would have been angry at Jack for making fun of him, but he couldn't find anything but affection in his thoughts. He realized, with what should have been a frightening certainty, but was more a calm resignation, that he loved Jack. This was more than an infatuation. It went beyond sex, affection, loyalty, and gratitude. He loved him. He only hoped Jack didn't realize it.

Slowly, Jack pulled out of Ianto almost completely then equally slowly he pushed back in. He leaned up and took some of the weight off Ianto. He repeated the slow movement and Ianto was able to lift his hips encouraging him to move faster.

"Uh uh uh," Jack chastised leaning down on Ianto again. "We do this at my pace and I'm not in any kind of hurry."

He kissed Ianto's lips lightly then flicked his tongue out and traced his bottom lip. Ianto parted his lips and Jack slipped his tongue inside with the same slow desire he was intent on torturing Ianto with. At least that was how Ianto felt as Jack continued to move in and out of Ianto with a motion that couldn't be described as a thrust so much as a shuffle. It wasn't unpleasant so Ianto decided to let Jack do as he pleased at the speed he wanted and he'd just relax and enjoy it. He gently rubbed his tongue against Jack's and both men moaned.

"That's my good soldier," Jack said slipping his hand between their bodies and ghosting his fingers over Ianto's heated erection. "I lead. You follow." He gripped Ianto's cock tighter and rewarded Ianto with a shorter, harder inward stroke perfectly dragging against his prostate. "Even after I'm done, you're gonna still feel this. You're gonna feel me inside you all day. You won't be able to think of anything else. You'll be begging me to fuck you again by lunch."

"Prolly," Ianto said taking a deep breath. "Wouldn't mind…ummm…a little more…gawwww…fucking now."

Jack kissed him again and smiled predatorily. He attacked Ianto's collar bone with his mouth and sucked hard leaving a bright red mark.

"Slow and steady," Jack began as he moved slowly and steadily, "wins the race. Besides, I have to take my time. I don't want to finish before Owen wakes up and gets an eyeful!"

Ianto's already wide eyes reached the popping stage and he tried to scamper up on the desk. Jack held him firm and laughed.

"Don't panic! I'm joking. Maybe." Jack ran a hand through Ianto's hair. "You are so hot when you're worried about getting caught." Jack gave Ianto several faster thrusts. "So hard to hold back and not pound your ass."

"Fuck Jack! Aaahoohh! Pound my arse! Yes," Ianto said his voice rising in volume as the feeling of Jack finally moving pushed aside his worries about being caught.

Jack stopped. Ianto whined from the sudden lack of friction.

"It's my turn to be the tease," Jack said with an impish smile before making a matching hickey on Ianto's other collar bone. "Think of it as punishment for all the times you've made me wait."

Through his lust addled mind Ianto could still remember a dozen times he had made Jack wait for the others to leave or for Myfanwy to be fed or, honestly, just for the fun of seeing him grow frustrated. He closed his eyes and nodded. It wasn't like he was going to tell Jack no and it was an exquisite kind of torture.


	27. A Door Slams and the Rift Opens

A/N:

Worse opening sentence EVA! (But it made me laugh so it stays.)

* * *

**Chapter 27 – A Door Slams and the Rift Opens**

"I'm pretty sure my balls are clean."

"And yet you remain such a dirty boy," Jack said continuing to massage the shower gel into a lather against Ianto's scrotum. "A dirty boy who's getting hard again. And people say I'm insatiable!"

"I can't help how my body responds," Ianto replied leaning back into Jack. Jack continued fondling Ianto's balls and started stroking Ianto's cock with the other.

"I love how you respond," Jack said kissing the back of Ianto's neck. "One would never guess how thoroughly you were buggered just moments ago. Look at you now! Practically begging for it again!"

"I'm not," Ianto defended weakly. "I can't help it if you can't keep your hands off me."

"Well it's not my fault! You need to work at being less desirable!" Jack moaned as Ianto reached back with a soapy hand and rubbed Jack's cock. Jack tightened his grip on Ianto's.

"Careful or you'll break me, sir," Ianto said with a smile.

"Never! I take very good care of my toys!"

Ianto stopped smiling. It took little to break him out of happier moments and Jack was unknowingly an expert at it. Ianto knew Jack didn't have the kind of feelings he did, but he didn't like being reminded of just how insignificant he was to Jack. His hand continued to stroke Jack mechanically, but his mind had drifted out of the shower and into far darker places.

"We'd better stop playing around," Jack said running his hands up Ianto's torso. "I want to get this music hall checked out."

"Right," Ianto said stepping away from Jack and turning into the spray and urging the soap off his skin.

"Are you okay," Jack asked.

Why, oh why, Ianto thought, does Jack only ask when I don't want him to!

"Yeah, fine." Ianto turned and gave Jack a quick smile. He shut the taps off.

"You aren't in any pain, are you?" Jack caressed Ianto's hip and for a moment Ianto forgot all about his worries.

"Pain? No, but some swelling and the discomforting feeling that you're still inside me." They both laughed. "Seriously, it's like a phantom dick or something." Jack pulled him into a wet hug. "Jack," Ianto warned, "don't start something we can't finish."

"We could always finish at the music hall," Jack said grinding against Ianto.

"Or I could finish this right now," Ianto said pushing Jack against the still wet shower tiles.

"I love it when you get bossy," Jack groaned as Ianto stroked him roughly.

"Then you'll love this," Ianto purred into Jack's ear. He grabbed Jack and spun him around so he was facing the wall. He slapped Jack's ass. "That's for calling me a tease."

"You're kind of proving my point," Jack smirked.

"Oh no," Ianto said grinding his erection against Jack's backside. "I'm just gearing up!" He bit Jack's neck. "I'm going to fuck you the way I wanted you to fuck me."

It wasn't pretty, but it wasn't meant to be. It was hard and fast and loud. Belatedly, Ianto wondered if Owen could hear them shouting. He was embarrassed for his own cries, but he feeling a little smug about the exclamations he had coaxed from Jack. Luckily, Owen was still conked out on the sofa.

After, Ianto called Toshiko while he made coffee. He was a little surprised with how easily she agreed to have Jack pick her up. He wondered if she was more nervous about seeing her family than she let on. He knew if he was going to a family function he'd latch on to any excuse not to go.

Owen snuffled into the sofa cushions and Ianto thought about trying to wake him.

"It'll take a bucket of water to wake him," Ianto heard Jack's voice say close to his ear as he felt Jack's arms wrap around him from behind. Jack kissed his cheek before nuzzling Ianto's ear.

"He'll need more than a bucket's worth to wash away that smell." Ianto hummed appreciatively at Jack's attention. He wished he didn't enjoy it so much.

"Did you get a hold of Tosh since Sleeping Beauty here isn't in any condition to check out the music hall with me," Jack said kicking the leg of the sofa. Owen didn't move.

"Well don't expect me to play Prince Charming and wake him up," Ianto replied.

"Even your fairy tale worthy kisses couldn't wake this sleeping frog and turn him into a handsome prince."

"I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the idea of kissing Owen or you thinking of me as a storybook princess," Ianto said. Jack chuckled and fiddled with the buttons on Ianto's waistcoat.

"You look hotter than any princess I've ever seen," Jack said. "In fact, I'd say you look more like Big Bad Wolf kind of hot in this shirt and vest. You should ditch the jacket more often."

"I didn't 'ditch the jacket' by choice," Ianto said turning in Jack's arms. "Seems somebody thought it would be safe on the arm of a chair."

"It didn't get wrinkled," Jack said mock defensively.

"No, just unfortunately soiled. I'm glad the dry cleaner doesn't ask questions!" He kissed Jack then reluctantly pulled away. "You need to get a move on and pick Tosh up. I don't want to be responsible for her missing her train. Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"You are too much of a distraction! Hold down the fort," Jack said before pulling Ianto down so he could kiss his forehead. "When I get back, I think we should have a team meeting."

"It's not a team without Tosh," Ianto said.

"No, but she doesn't need to be at this meeting. I want to tell Owen and Gwen about us."

Every muscle in Ianto's body stiffened. He could tell Jack was serious. He couldn't think of a single reason to object that didn't make him sound petty or mean. He decided to go with soppy.

"I like this being about you and me and not about Torchwood," Ianto said running a hand down Jack's chest. He didn't elaborate as to what "this" referred to as he still hadn't figured out what his relationship with Jack was.

"I don't like feeling we're keeping a dirty, little secret. Look at Owen and Gwen! We all had to pretend we didn't know anything and it made everyone awkward."

"Yes," Ianto agreed, "but they thought they were keeping a secret. We are way better at being discreet than they were."

"It isn't fair to Toshiko." Jack crossed his arms as if daring Ianto to disagree.

"I think she likes knowing something they don't," Ianto easily answered.

"I want to see their faces when they find out. They'll have to figure it out soon and I'd rather it be on our terms."

"Don't give them too much credit! They would have realized what was going on by now if they weren't so self-absorbed!" Ianto mirrored Jack's posture.

"I want to tell them with you, looking oh so good, next to me, but I'm telling them today even if you are hiding in the Archives." Ianto knew Jack meant it.

"Fine, but you do the talking." Jack grabbed him and kissed him. "Now go! The sooner you get back the less time I'll have to feel anxious." Jack cupped Ianto's face and kissed him again.

"Trust me, Ianto. When has the Captain ever steered you wrong?"

Hours later, Ianto wasn't worried about telling the team about his relationship with Jack. He was worried about getting Jack and Tosh back from 1941. An hour after that he was worried more about Tosh. He didn't know exactly how Jack's longevity worked, but he was certain Jack would eventually be in the 21st century even if he had to relive every day. The note written in Tosh's blood did nothing to assuage his worry for her. He was glad she wasn't trapped alone. He knew Jack would look after her. Jack was probably in his element. Ianto imagined him being more than happy to get another chance to live through the 40's. He wished, for many different reasons, he was in Tosh's place.

He left Owen long enough to vomit. He'd never shot anyone before let alone a teammate. The fact that he hadn't stopped Owen so shooting him was pointless made it worse. At least Owen would live.

When Gwen said Jack and Tosh were back the relief was immense. All his objections to Jack telling the team about them were forgotten. He smiled imagining the shocked looks on their faces when Jack came through the door and Ianto snogged him senseless. He couldn't wait to have Jack hold him again.

Instead Jack came in and deftly deflected Ianto shrugging his coat off and into Ianto's arms. He went straight towards his office.

"Jack," Owen snapped, "Ianto shot me!"

"Ianto, stop shooting Owen," Jack said barely pausing in his mission to get to his office.

Toshiko ran to Owen's side and was offering up all her compassion. Not that he'll appreciate it, Ianto thought bitterly. He looked up at Jack's office and, pushing his fear aside, decided to follow him. He didn't like voicing his needs, but it was clear Jack was in need of comfort, too.

"Would you like a coffee, sir," Ianto said forcing himself to smile as he approached Jack's desk.

"No," Jack said not looking up from his hands.

"How about a hug," Ianto offered leaning against the desk.

"Already got one from Gwen."

Ianto frowned. He wasn't jealous that Gwen hugged Jack, but he was envious that Jack wouldn't accept the same physical symbol from him.

"I was thinking about that team meeting," Jack said finally looking up at Ianto. "I think you had a few good points. Now isn't the time."

"Okay," Ianto said not knowing what to make of that or the despondent tone to Jack's voice.

"I'll need you tonight." Ianto brightened. He couldn't wait to show Jack his relief to have him back. "The Rift Manipulator was never meant to be used. I'm expecting a lot of unusual activity. Hopefully, I'll be wrong." Jack went back to staring at his hands. Ianto knew when he'd been dismissed.

"Very good, sir. I'll keep an eye on the Rift," Ianto said quickly leaving Jack's office. He supposed he should be glad Jack wasn't yelling at him for shooting Owen, but instead of relief he felt anger. Of course Jack wasn't yelling at him. Nothing he did really mattered. Just as self-absorbed as Gwen and Owen, he thought pulling up the Rift monitoring program trying to shut out Tosh ministering to a whining Owen.

Then everything went wrong. He hadn't meant to betray Jack and join the others in mutiny, but he hurt. He didn't expect to be the center of Jack's universe, but he expected to be visible on his radar. He was tired of being treated like a servant, tired of being just another warm body, and tired of Jack's ever changing moods. He could even admit to being tired of Jack holding Gwen's hand. He didn't think he'd get Lisa back if they opened the Rift, but maybe he could get his self-respect back. Ianto didn't expect Owen to shoot Jack.

Then Abaddon…Ianto didn't have words. He understood Jack rejecting his aid, but it hurt that he turned to Gwen instead. Afterwards, he was glad he hadn't had to watch Jack die again and that only added to the guilt he felt.

Ianto worked hard to keep himself together when he arrived to pick up Jack's body. Gwen took his car to check on Rhys and he was going to take Jack back to Torchwood in the SUV. Tosh and Owen both said they weren't ready to see Jack's body. Ianto wanted to argue that he'd never be ready, but he didn't. He'd serve his Captain again. He couldn't leave him lying in a field. He went alone.

He broke down once Gwen left. Ianto wanted to hold him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was disgusted with himself. If he hadn't helped the others...But it was pointless. He couldn't change the past. If he could, he wouldn't even know where to begin. He hesitantly touched Jack as he tucked him into a body bag. He cried all the way back to the Hub. He took a few moments to compose himself and took Jack inside.

He put Jack in a hospital gown temporarily. He didn't want to freeze his body wearing blood stained clothing. He wasn't surprised when Gwen returned and all but demanded to sit alone with Jack's body. He wanted to shout at her that he'd lost his lover, his leader, his friend, his foundation! He wanted to tell her to stop thinking the world revolved around her. He wouldn't do that though. His brand of caring meant he would put her needs before his own. He went to Jack's office to retrieve a change of clothes, but ended up crying into Jack's coat collar. It took him hours to find the strength to go into Jack's bunker for the clothing. He couldn't find the strength to dress him in front of Gwen so he left the clothes and hid in the Archives. He would, as always, mourn alone and in private.

After a long time, Ianto dried his tears and returned to helping Tosh with the computers. He needed to stay busy especially with everyone still in the Hub. "Are you okay, Ianto," Tosh asked. She put her hand on his arm.

He nodded, but his face contorted from the effort to restrain the tears.

"You really cared about him, didn't you?"

He nodded again. Tosh squeezed his arm.

"He would want you to take care of yourself. I haven't seen you take a break or eat anything in days."

"When I stop moving, I start thinking." He put his hand over Toshiko's. His mouth was dry. "It'll be easier when he's not out on display." Tosh looked towards the mortuary and nodded.

"It's time. I'm going to have a word with Gwen. We'll make it through this, Ianto." She smiled and Ianto automatically returned it, but he didn't feel any joy or solace in it. He knew how to make it 'through' things. He simply didn't want to anymore.

Tosh left to talk to Gwen. A few minutes later she returned.

"I think Gwen's ready to let him go. Can you help me with the head of Vexor?"

"Sure," Ianto said moving to the bubbling containers. He tapped his fingers against the glass containing the severed hand. He could swear sometimes it seemed like the fingers tried to tap back. "Thanks, Tosh. It means a lot to me," he said unable to look at her.

"You can thank me by having a sandwich," Tosh said smiling. "So let's get to work, shall we? Hand me that wire stripper."

Ianto lost himself in the work. He concentrated on the details and shut out everything else. Toshiko ran behind him and he returned to the moment. He looked to see what the matter was. Jack. Jack had returned from the dead.

Ianto held out his hand to Jack not knowing if he would accept it. He felt himself drawn into Jack's arms. He buried his face against Jack's shoulder. He thought Jack was letting go of him, but instead he felt Jack's hands on his neck then his lips against his. He returned the kiss. He never thought he'd feel those lips again. Jack pulled away and Ianto stepped out of his arms. He didn't want to cry in front of everyone, but he couldn't stop himself. As he thought that he realized he had been kissed in front of everyone. Crying would be the last thing they'd remember.

"It's a little chilly in here," Jack said shivering. Ianto jogged to Jack's office and retrieved his coat.

"Sorry, sir," Ianto began as he helped Jack into the coat. "I'm afraid this old coat needs a good cleaning."'

"I would have thought you'd take care of that while I was…indisposed," Jack said smiling at Ianto.

"I didn't..." Ianto stopped. How could he tell him he didn't want to clean Jack's scent off the coat? It sounded ridiculous like a "Brokeback Mountain" parody. Tears were beginning to bubble up again. Stop being so weak, he told himself. "I'm afraid the coffee machine was a casualty of the Rift. I could go across the Plass and get you a cup."

"Sounds good," Jack nodded, "but hurry back. I want to talk to you." Jack pulled Ianto into another hug and kissed his temple. "That's my soldier."

"Always, Jack," Ianto said smiling. He couldn't believe how quickly things had changed. It took him a moment to identify the feeling. He almost laughed when he realized it was hope. He spent so much time depressed about the past Ianto had forgot how good it could feel to look positively towards the future. It didn't matter that the team didn't understand him or that his new friends didn't know he chased aliens for a living. He had Jack. He silently vowed to stop living in fear and he'd let Jack know everything about him. He'd invite him into his life completely. It was oddly freeing.

Ianto was waiting for the cog door to roll back when he saw Owen and Tosh approaching him with their coats. He raised an eyebrow in question to them.

"What? Maybe we need a bit of fresh air," Owen said defensively.

"Don't worry, Ianto," Tosh said. "I've already told them it's none of their business."

"But, let me guess," Ianto said walking through the door. "Divide and conquer. You're going to try to weasel details from me while Gwen tries to browbeat answers from Jack."

"Something like that," Owen said. "It's the least you can do since you shot me."

"And you'd like to repeat the experience," Ianto asked, but ruined the effect by smiling. He couldn't help it. After a lifetime of losing people and feeling like an angel of death, Ianto finally had someone who wouldn't die on him. As long as Jack was with him he could put up with Owen, the Rift, and the End of the World without complaint.

* * *

A/N: Doh! Then, of course, is the last 60 seconds of "End of Days" when Jack runs after the Tardis. Poor Ianto! Sorry about the episode recaps. I didn't want to put them in, but my friend who read this and the first chapter of the sequel wanted to know how Ianto had coped in those two episodes without seeing them as flashbacks in the sequel. On the plus side, that means the flashbacks in the sequel will be mostly Janto smut instead of Janto angst.

I've decided to do the next part as a sequel since it takes place a few weeks later. I'm going to try to write it so this story doesn't have to be read (or remembered!) in order to understand it. The first chapter should be up by the time you read this! It's called "Jaunty Jones vs Mobsters from Space". Can Ianto, Torchwood, and a group of elderly former gangsters protect Cardiff from an alien invasion without the help of Captain Jack?


End file.
